Working with someone who’s so socially awkward they come across rude.

[peptual]

I work with a guy, he’s about 30 and very good at his job, very focused. But he comes across rude. He seems to struggle to call people by their names, it’s like it’s too personal for him. And he doesn’t ever ask questions about what someone did on their day off. He’s lacking the standard adult interactions you should have around your working day.
Is it appropriate to say something? I understand some people are painful shy but as an older person I except a bit more personal skills and think mentioning might help him out.

I have connections, friends in my real life. A relationship. I think it’s a such a shame to have low energy for them because a ‘bubbly’ colleague has talked in my face all day and has commented on my clothes and lunch. It’s such a shame that I’ve seen an ex-colleague extract personal information from people with poor boundaries and use it against them, and I learned from that. It’s such a shame that people like you can’t just accept that some people are more reserved than others and instead you’ve come on here and made a thread about the poor chap. He isn’t obliged to ‘push himself’ to entertain you. Focus on your own life, not some random colleague’s.

I'd be very unhappy in my workplace if everybody "pushed themselves" into behaving the same way at the expense of their own well-being. But I suspect a lot of people would be happier at work if others could "push themselves" into understanding and accepting harmless difference.

You don't need everyone to be part of your audience or cheerleading squad. Let them be, and don't assume you're the model for success. You're one among others, no doubt contributing and doing your best too. Other people have a different mix of strengths.

I have often found that people with "work families" don't have many friends in real life, or maybe have some acquaintances at best. I mean this kindly op, but having the inclination to create an entire thread regarding a distant work collegue, is not the 'norm' for somebody with a fulfilling social life. Have you thought about taking some classes that are suited towards your interests? It would be a good way to meet like minded people.

I totally disagree with this.

I often find people who don't want to be friendly with their colleagues have never left where they grew up, still have all their families around and still have all their schoolfriends around. They also want to put a cap on the number of friends they have. This probably isn't true for a lot of people, but I see this a lot on mumsnet.

I have made friends with people from all the different aspects of my life - hobbies, other parents, neighbours and work.

I left my home town a long time ago, live nowhere near family or any schoolfriends I had and am open to striking up friendships with people I like and who like me regardless of where the friendships first start.

There are countless threads on mumsnet from women who claim they hate people, hate social interaction, won't answer the phone or the door, hate having visitors, don't want to be friendly with work colleagues etc.

I'm autistic, but definitely not by nature a people hater. I trained to do a job that involves a lot of human interaction! But said job reduced my capacity to interact with other humans outside of work, unfortunately. Parenting reduced my social battery even further.

I think there are an awful lot of women on MN who don't actually really "hate" people or socialising or answering the phone/door etc, they are just massively burnt out from the ridiculous juggling act demanded of working mothers in 2026. Which is such that come Friday, you have no mental bandwidth to host the inlaws for the weekend as well as take Johnny to swimming and Jenny to Sophie's party, make sure they do their homework by Sunday night, try to make sure the house at least gets some rudimentary cleaning and tidying, go to school with a suitably healthy packed lunch, PE kit and clean uniform on Monday and make sure you at least have clean pants and remember all your own stuff for work as well.

I think you’ve got it completely backwards. It’s usually the people who rely on 'work families' for their entire social life who haven't really ventured out or traveled.
If your 'family' is just whoever happens to be sat at the desk next to you, it suggests your world is actually quite small. There is a massive difference between being friendly and having a fulfilling life that exists entirely independently of your employer.
Suggesting that people who keep professional boundaries are just 'stuck in their hometowns' is really narrow minded. Building a community through genuine interests and long term friendships is the opposite of being closed off. It’s about ensuring your emotional well being isn't tied to your 9 to 5, which is far healthier than depending on a work bubble for social validation.