Need an appropriate comeback for ageist comments

[orangemapleleaves]

I have been at my current job for one year after a long time at home with kids/freelance.

My digital skills are fine but not my strongest point though fine - I'm not a digital native though. I have a younger colleague who constantly comments on them and on her relative youth in general. She's the kind of person who will always point out that she "wasn't even born then" if you mention some aspect of popular culture.

I find it tedious and but manage to brush it off. However this morning I realised I want it to stop and would like some options to calmly and firmly shut it down.

She needs to learn anyway as she's just starting out in the workplace that making her colleagues feel old and stupid is not wise if she wants to progress.

She was standing over me as I opened a PDF. My other colleague, who is maybe 30, opened hers and it was upside down. Younger colleague showed her how to correct it (tiny arrow on screen, helpful to have it point it out.)

I opened same upside down PDF and younger colleague showed me the arrow, but said "Oh every single time I come over here I have to show you the simplest things, it's the same with my mum!"

For some reason this time it gave me the absolute rage. I could barely look at her and I'm sure she noticed as I'm usually very friendly but I'm over it - I have a lot of experience, I am good at what I do and I don't like being patronised by some pipsqueak who I have helped quite a lot.

Update - we were talking about the past and she made a "joke" that along the lines of "You didn't even have computers back then!"

So I emailed HR and had a meeting with my manager and HR manager. My manager is apparently going to talk to her. Won't hold my breath there - he is barely present, which is part of the problem, she's bored and underworked - but HR did say to keep her informed of any further comments.

I've also mentioned in my annual review that I feel the condescending/rude comments about and towards staff are unprofessional (because manager says some terrible things in meetings behind closed doors) so he will know I'm also not tolerating any more from him either.

It was not the most enjoyable meeting but something has to change. I don't want to quit the job as the organisation/ many other staff are wonderful. And I am sick of 'jokes' about my age.

This is perfect.

Well done, @orangemapleleaves . Good start. Stay calm and stick with it.

Good for you on taking some action! It might feel uncomfortable for the moment but it will settle down into a better environment for you.

Just look her in the eyes and calmly say 'You know some of your comments and behaviour could be taken as ageist and ageism in the workplace is not acceptable'.

Basically you make her aware of what she is doing and how it is being perceived with an implied threat that she is at risk of a formal HR complain if she continues.

Keep it professional though and don't say 'nasty' or 'condescending', because then you could give her ammunition to complain about you, just stick to ageism.

If it doe not stop her then make a note of any ageist statement/behaviour and take it to HR.

Maybe then she will learn...

I would have said: "Thanks, but I do know how to do this. It is good to know you are happy to help and if I need any I will ask. Equally, please feel free to ask me for help based on my long experience here."