As a woman, you can’t just go to work and go home 🙄.

[joseline]

i recently got my graphic design job months ago and I really like the job so far.

i have been working for 8 months.

but a week ago, I got called out by my manager who is also a woman because I don’t interact with other coworkers other then good morning or have a good evening. I only talk to them about the work at hand but I never have small talks, I never have lunch with them. I do my job and go home.

my boss called me out because, a woman coworker recently came out after being on leave. I don’t know why and I do not care. It’s not my business. When she came back I didn’t welcome her cheerfully. I said good morning to her like everyone else. And it’s not like this coworker has no work friends, I basically got called out because I am not kissing her ass.

i am not the only one who have gone through those petty dramas over nothing.

my women cousins told me stories of other women at various jobs they worked at starting ridiculous conflicts because they just did their job and went home and didn’t wanna be buddy buddy with their women coworkers.

I am starting to think that there is a ridiculous unspoken rule of being a girl’s girl and you’ll a social outcast when you refuse to be in a clique.

I understand there are cases of women getting harassed by men at work but in my personal experience whenever I’ve had any sort of beef with coworkers, it’s always been other women. The men always left me alone.

are me and my cousins the only ones who experienced those phenomenons ?

It sounds like you’re framing this very much from your perspective and it seems like the issue isn’t you just going home after work or not being ‘buddy buddy’…. It sounds like you are ignoring everyone and being rude and cold. Which makes people uncomfortable… a certain level of team respect and friendliness is required at work. You are not an island.

I wish posters would stop with the narrative that you don't go to work to make friends. You do realise that people don't go to work with the sole purpose of making friends?

You must surely have the emotional intelligence to understand that being friendly with your colleagues makes for a much nicer working environment?

Most people aren't friends with their colleagues but they make an effort to get on with them because it is important if you work in a team. I'm not friends with everyone I work with but I get on well with all of them.

As has just been pointed out, you aren't an island. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, which so many posters on he're seem to think is the only way. There is a middle road where you can be friendly but not friends, and not cold and aloof.

And the OP is being friendly by saying good morning to people which in my book is friendly
And to your point people don't go to work to make friends then why is it such an issue when we say we we don't go to do it where I work we literally ask what the plan for today is then we get on do the work and go home we go for a coffee break when/if we want it we go for our lunch in the same manor we don't care what eachother was doing last night or what they had for tea it make absolutely no difference to my life and neither do I to theirs we all love the job we do but at the same time if one of us left we would just replace them and move on it's that simple we don't hate we don't make friends we are just a team of people who work in the same place and piss in the same pot

It also makes things a lot more enjoyable in a place that you spend the majority of a working week at, if you can at least have a few friendly chats now and then. It can feel very lonely otherwise. I hate the days I go in to work and (aside from Teams calls) chat to no one as everyone else in my team happens to be WFH that day. I say that as someone who WFH 4 out of 5 days and can rarely attend socials due to childcare etc. But I do enjoy the odd giggle with colleagues (sometimes about work, sometimes other stuff) and really value the few times I can grab coffee or lunch with them. They’re not my best friends but they make my working day that bit brighter.

Why is it always assumed that if someone feels themselves different to most of their sex they're accused of thinking they're better than them? Disliking pointless small talk doesn't necessarily mean one considers oneself superior. I don't think I'm very similar to a lot of women I've met, and I don't share many of their interests, but I certainly don't think I'm better than they are.

Haha, I though that was the case too lol

It's not a gender thing, it's a being polite and being part of the team thing.

But would you agree that in order to be meeting this perceived objective, women in the workplace generally have more social hoops to jump through than men?

I couldn't say really, but I agree that it is less of a gender/sex thing than people make out.

And they say Americans don't do humor.

Yep - I think this is why the men left you alone!

It's implied very strongly with:

I am starting to think that there is a ridiculous unspoken rule of being a girl’s girl and you’ll a social outcast when you refuse to be in a clique.

I understand there are cases of women getting harassed by men at work but in my personal experience whenever I’ve had any sort of beef with coworkers, it’s always been other women.

Dunno, that felt more like frustration than superiority to me, tbh...

I worked in one place that was like that, It was a cliquey nightmare of a place. It was run by women and the most misogynistic place I've ever worked! At the same time, it was like a high school movie. People bitching about each other. People excluding others on purpose because they didn't like them. People ganging up on one member of staff. Criticising their clothes. Taking offence at the most minor thing. There was a queen bee who basically decided if you were in or not. If she didn't like you you weee out. Some how I stayed there for 4 years. Get out! Now!

I like just getting on with work... People like that I can talk to for hours though when required. Suddenly they start avoiding me...

That's a reasonable alternative reading. Frustration is easy to misread.

Personally I don't particularly want to make friends at work and, being an introvert, I like to use my lunch hour to charge my batterie with alone time and read a book; but I can think of serveral reasons why it's smart to cultivate good relationships with coworkers and why it would matter to a manager:

• If you like your coworkers and they like you, misunderstandings and disagreements are less likely to escalate into a conflict. It's like with neighbours and housemates: if you are friendly with your neighbours (as opposed to barely polite), they are less likely to call the police the odd time you through a too-loud party. If you bond with your housemates over pizza nights, conflicts over bills and cleaning are more likely to be resolved nicely than if you just say hello and goodbye. We are always more hostile and agressive to strangers than to people we like. If you act cold, your co-workers are more likely to attribute you bad intentions (even if it's not the case).
• As a pp also said, if you bother getting to know your coworkers and listen to them (beyond just work) you can learn things about them and better understand why they act this way
• If your co-workers like you, they are more likely to be prepared to go the extra mile to help you (as opposed to just doing their job) if you find yourself in a pickle.