As a woman, you can’t just go to work and go home 🙄.

[joseline]

i recently got my graphic design job months ago and I really like the job so far.

i have been working for 8 months.

but a week ago, I got called out by my manager who is also a woman because I don’t interact with other coworkers other then good morning or have a good evening. I only talk to them about the work at hand but I never have small talks, I never have lunch with them. I do my job and go home.

my boss called me out because, a woman coworker recently came out after being on leave. I don’t know why and I do not care. It’s not my business. When she came back I didn’t welcome her cheerfully. I said good morning to her like everyone else. And it’s not like this coworker has no work friends, I basically got called out because I am not kissing her ass.

i am not the only one who have gone through those petty dramas over nothing.

my women cousins told me stories of other women at various jobs they worked at starting ridiculous conflicts because they just did their job and went home and didn’t wanna be buddy buddy with their women coworkers.

I am starting to think that there is a ridiculous unspoken rule of being a girl’s girl and you’ll a social outcast when you refuse to be in a clique.

I understand there are cases of women getting harassed by men at work but in my personal experience whenever I’ve had any sort of beef with coworkers, it’s always been other women. The men always left me alone.

are me and my cousins the only ones who experienced those phenomenons ?

Can't see that OP has disclosed she is ND?
Its not a fucking get-out clause .

I hate it when colleagues don’t interact, it makes for a very strange atmosphere. You don’t have to be overly friendly but ‘did you have a good weekend?’ ‘Did you watch X last night?’ Etc

I can see that is how you coped in school, but it does not do for work. You don't have to be buddy buddy with your coworkers, but you can at least ask them about their weekends. If you act like you are above them all by never saying more to them than strictly necessary, you may get negative reactions. People often get the impression that you consider yourself better than they if you act too stand-offish, whether that is true or not.

I do get it. I have a tendency to be all shop-talk, too. However, I know that gives the wrong impression. Furthermore, I learn useful things by engaging in small talk, as small talk often strays into shop talk and leads to useful ideas.

I think you could do with some therapy to deal with the past. You automatically expect the worst from people and that tends to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I don't think it's 'cold' to be professional but not personally chummy at work. I don't work in an office any more but when I did, although I had a laugh with colleagues and would ask e.g. how their holiday was etc, I didn't really socialise with them. Nothing personal about them, I just like my evenings at home, plus I don't drink and sitting in the pub with a succession of soda waters gets a bit dull.

I also wouldn't be offended or work less well with someone if I'd been on leave and they said a polite good morning to me when I got back and the was the end of it.

Not everyone wants to engage in those kind of 'unofficial social contracts' and I think since covid, a lot of people, myself included don't think it should be necessary to do our jobs.

Same goes for work nights out, work whatsapp groups, collections, sponsoring someones park run, secret santa and so on.

It is a woman thing. I am pleased though so many disagree, that indicates they haven't worked in many sexist environments, which is good for them!

I used to work in HR and used to regularly get asked for support on how to address someone - always a woman - not being a "team player". In all but one instance this vague "not being a team player" meant not cooing over baby pictures, not taking part in a brew round, not going on work nights out, wearing headphones etc.

When I said but Bill/jim/steve is the same, you'll be speaking to them too about this issue that warrants an informal guidance meeting yes? Id get an eye roll and a version of "but its not the same".

Surprisingly the majority of the managers who felt females should be bubbly/personable/other sexist descriptor were females themselves.

I find it bizarre you were seemingly called into some kind of disciplinary meeting over it.

There are some people at work who seem to have no interest in small talk or making even rudimentary friendships.

Tbh they are probably creating a rod for their own back as if their work is as good as the work of those who socialise, then the latter will no doubt be prioritised for potential promotion etc.

But, I certainly wouldn't demand someone becomes very friendly. They've chosen not to and may suffer the consequences which is on them. It wouldn't be my place as a boss to try and change their personality.

Well, then. You have two options, either work from home or don't work at all. We don't always get to have things are own way. We have other people to consider, at least to a certain extend. I am far from a social butterfly, but even I think it's really weird to only say good morning and good night and not talk at all during the day and even avoid colleagues during lunch. It's just anti-social and I am a massive introvert.

Surely if you know they're not very chatty you stop asking them these sorts of questions so you can avoid starting the strange atmosphere?

Or do you mean them asking you those questions? If so why is it a problem if they're just not interested in hearing about your weekend?

Building relationships is a key part of most jobs if you want to do well.

I keep work and home very seperate and have never had a work friendship that crossed into my personal life. I also have to work quite hard at chit chat, it doesn't come easily to me, but I see it as a required part of the job. It's not an optional extra to show a bit of interest in your colleague IMO.

I don't think this is a male/female thing at all. Successful men are usually very good at it.

Sorry OP but I wouldn't want to work with someone who never spoke unless it was about work and just said Good Morning and Good Night. You don't need to be super social, but a few pleantries goes a long way

As this lady worked there first, surely the polite thing to have done would be to go over and introduce yourself at a minimum?

I agree with you principle.
In reality, people want to work with people that make them happy, help the day go along quicker, make them laugh and make work enjoyable.
People care less about how well you do your job, than how you make them feel whilst working with you. Work is shit, people want to make it less shit by forming relationships and making it enjoyable.

Its all very "Miss, Sarah doesn't talk to me".

It's a neurotypical world and I am not a neurotypical girl.... that's not right.

YANBU op, you should absolutely be left alone about this.

It really annoys me when ChatGPT doesn’t capitalise correctly. I know it’s meant to be mimicking a “casual speech style” but it’s still text.

I do think you’re probably on the more extreme end of the scale but it’s interesting how personally other people take it when someone is different from them.

I’m more introverted and feel drained after too much social interaction so I’m not going to engage in excessive meaningless chatter because other people need a sounding board for their yapping. I’m always polite and helpful and do the “nice weekend?” thing, but my colleagues’ needs don’t trump mine.

Hmmmmmm will OP be back?

I do WFH.

But not everyone, including the OP it seems, have that option and as the OP has been criticised for not being particularly friendly at work, why as you say, you can't get everything your own way, the OP is expected to change her behaviour so others do?

Why don't we say 'everyone can do their own thing so long as they're polite and doing their job? Why should OP have to adjust her behaviour to please others at the detriment of her own well-being?

I spent years doing things I didn't want to do because it made other people more comfortable and then with age realised hang on, why am I sacrificing my time, energy and well-being as if I'm in the wrong? Why aren't they in the wrong for expecting me to do things that make me bored, unhappy or even unwell?

It's disocial, not antisocial. Antisocial would be rude or aggressive. Disocial is just not being interested in what someone did at the weekend and not wanting to pretend you are just because other people who don't care about your personality, wants or needs think you should.

I’ve read this thread before.

Disocial is absolutely fine if you're not part of a team - those skills (which, for many, are learned in the same way other skills are) are important for team cohesion. The ideal is to place yourself somewhere in the middle ground between good morning and goodnight, and endless talking and meaningless chat.

Nah… I think what you’re seeing is someone using the MN app.
it doesn’t capitalise correctly.

Not something I’ve experienced myself, but it is quite industry specific too, when i worked in advertising socialising was part of the role as that’s when a lot of business was done, clients often would stop by too for informal drinks. Chatting to other members of staff is also useful if you do a role that provides a service to them, you don’t sound friendly at all op, I’m guessing you boss gets these vibes. It’s not about being best friends with your work colleagues, but small talk is important to get a full understanding of a person

Maybe your boss is asking you to be a bit friendlier. You do sound quite hostile, especially to other women.

How pathetic OP, I'm polite to my colleagues but I certainly don't want them knowing my business and I don't want to be anyone's mate. I have my own life.
I do my job and then go home.
I am paid to work here not to be everyones buddy. I've never had any problems with that in 45 years of working.

You spend more time at work than at home, so it does help if you can make it more pleasant.

When redundancies happen it's the mood hoovers that get the chop regardless of skills.