Constant criticism from people I manage about my management

[Teakake]

As per the title, I am finding myself receiving unsolicited feedback from staff. I am significantly younger than many of them and in the past they have been used to a manager who hangs around drinking tea and asking about your weekend plans, or getting caught up in tiny details and basically doing all the perceived ‘easy’ little jobs which other staff are already here to do.

Problem is, this was running the business down the drain, and the most important jobs were not getting done, so I am a business manager, here to get efficiencies. I am not answering the phones at reception because I employ people to do that and my time is spent on other areas of the business.

However do not get this wrong, I will gladly pitch in if help is needed and we are unexpectedly busy or understaffed, I do not think of myself as too good for any job and I know how everyone’s job works as I have learnt this from them directly.

I do not micromanage - I am here for support if it’s needed. I don’t work remotely, am on site all day full time. I am very busy so I am often whizzing around and will say hi quickly in passing, and I ask staff to give me a heads up about what they want to talk to me about so that I can prioritise if this is urgent or not, as some of my work is very time critical.

The staff feel I don’t spend enough time with them. I ask why they want this time, is it work related? If so, I will arrange training.

No it’s because they want to feel important and special to me.

They are constantly interrupting me, demanding my time and when I give it to them, they just use that time to complain. I try to help them get out of circular thinking they don’t want to, So I leave the discussion with no resolution.

Even if I tell them that I don’t have extra time, I am in meetings and I have deadlines, it’s never good enough. I am here all day but they say ‘we never see you’ or ‘you don’t show any interest in us’ and ‘you are cold and too professional’.

They are important as humans, and valued in the workplace so I ensure they all have a safe working environment, stable work patterns, adequate training, annual appraisals, work related meetings.

No this is not what they mean. They are offended I am not their FRIEND. I am not befriending them and sitting on their desk chit chatting.

I do not want to be their friend. I just want to be their manager.

I am going to be honest, the clingy neediness is not helping, it feels like I have a large group of ladies clinging to my arms like small children, dragging me down.

I have put in boundaries and they do not respond well.

I approached my managers and asked if they agreed with this feedback from staff. They said no, I am doing exactly what they want me to do. I asked if they wanted me to do anything differently. They said no, my performance was great. There is no issue. The issue is the staff who have bad attitudes. I have suggested sharing an overview of my diary with the whole team so they can see how busy I am. No, they just want me to performance manage these people - which I am, but as they are constantly criticising me, we just don’t make any progress.

My managers are not helping me here.

In order to get out of this rut I have the following options:

-Put them all on last warning/performance plans
-take a tribunal risk and start letting people go (not all that comfortable with this, because it’s started to concern me I am part of the issue)
-Leave myself and get a new job
-start faking friendliness to the detriment of my job and productivity (I can’t do this!)
-take out formal grievances on the ring leaders to force my managers to intervene

I'm sorry that you're feeling exhausted and bullied. Maybe you need a break from work to reset.

You're talking about other people only focusing on seeing their own narrative and not looking at any nuances, but that's exactly what you're doing yourself. For whatever reason, you seem to be unable to take any alternative perspectives on board.

Unfortunately, I think you're your own worst enemy because you're reluctant to learn and reflect on why so many people are suggesting that you might need to change your style. You could do yourself a massive favour by being open to thinking about things differently.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Managerial_grid_model

Have you come across the Blake Mouton Managerial Grid before? It sounds as though they are used to a more people focused approach, whereas you have described yourself as though you are at the 9,1 end of the scale, only concerned with the task in hand.

I would suggest that you are a poor fit for the team at this point in time. Either you need to change your leadership style or consider what you may be better suited to.

You need to be very clear that the HR manager and their line managers will be doing their 121s and performance reviews - they shouldn't have a choice in this.

I would also have a meeting with all of them about how their attitude and behaviours need to change.

You need to support the line managers with how to deal with them - don't deal with it yourself

Stop booking peoples time off unless it’s your direct reports staff should book time off with their line managers not you. They are walking all over the structure because you are letting them. Stop conducting one to ones with staff if they have a direct report yes you can observe but don’t do them yourselves surely you can see that was wrong what are you expecting the line managers to do. I’ve not heard of HR in one to ones either. Surely all this is making the staff fret about their jobs as you admit you are there for efficiency.

This. I can’t win. Even if I spend £10 on their Xmas gifts they would complain I didn’t spend £20

The point with OP's comment here is that these staff are approaching her at entirely inappropriate times. What fool would think it's appropriate to interrupt their manager's manager while she's in a meeting, particularly when it's a simple matter that they should be taking to their line manager. I find it astonishing that any employee would think this is acceptable.

You haven't answered why these staff are coming directly to you rather than their line managers. This seems to be the crux of the problem, a layer of management not managing.

Honestly, I think a meeting would be smart… Let them know you’ve heard their feedback, but it’s time they listened to yours. Tell them that you’ve been hired to drag their company up out of the doldrums. There are a lot of changes to the workplace and some people find it more difficult to adapt to them than others, but the changes are necessary so that still have jobs to go to. They need to have it explained that their workplace is not a democracy. Everyone is answerable to someone - including you, and this is why you literally don’t have time to chat over a cup of tea - as much as you’d love to - because they want you to shake things up. If they want the company to succeed, then they are going to have to roll with the changes, and accept the change in management style.

You sound a lot like me.
I am neurodiverse.
I get the job done well, but am not a people person.
In a previous job I had a formal complaint raised for not saying hello in passing to a colleague. Thing is, when I'm in the middle of something I laser-focus on that thing and nothing else registers.

Speak to your managers. Can you be moved to a role which is less managerial and more operative?

Like you, I'm great at networking and socialising when it is part of my job. I just don't do small talk for fun! Lots of people do (and they have the gall to call me weird...!)

This is all good advice

I do completely understand what you saying. You definitely do not have to be friends with people you work with.

However…. When I first started in management the business I was in was very strict and I followed suit. After years in management and learning my style and taking training courses and learning about people management, I am a completely different manager.

And do you know when I had the best team? And the best results? In the later part of management years. Because people work better when they feel appreciated and not just a number. I’ve still sacked people and put people on performance reviews. Still done disciplinaries.

I think there could definitely be a middle ground. But I also think it could be that these people are too stuck in their ways to want to change.

So it's a small percentage of staff who are exhibiting toxic behaviour.
Why are you and your HR Manager not taking these people through a performance management/disciplinary procedure.

This is the simple answer.

But as she has said she is always in meetings or too busy to discuss anything.

Maybe they come to her as their line manager is as useless as a chocolate teapot or the line manager is directing them to you

I agree with all the comments above and add, you say you're busy busy and buzzing around. How about some management of your own diary to free up some space, and to use some of the time freed up on your team. How many direct reports do you have? More than 10-12 is hard to handle. Is the management structure working well or are there tweaks that would help in the long run?

You need to tell them to get on with their job be a leader. You won't last long if that's how you are going in to work. Do what you are paid to do and manage. You're allowing the lunatics to run the asylum.

If the team is not being productive because it’s made up of dead wood, then perhaps she is the best manager to deal with the dead wood.

No, she hasn't said she's always too busy - she has, in fact, said that she does stop to talk to some people when she has the time. And these staff shouldn't be physically interrupting her with anything (unless the building is on fire!). If they feel their LM is incompetent or doesn't have the authority to deal with the issue at hand, they should email their LM (copying OP) about the issue which would allow OP to deal with the issue with the LM and/or the staff member at an appropriate time and in the most appropriate way. It's clear that this small group of staff have zero respect for management.

Some people are just troublemakers and unless you are doing their job for them, even if you make them cups of tea and listen to them, they will make trouble. Dead wood. They simply don’t want to do the work and will never change. If in the past they’ve got away with it, they’ll dig in deep for any new manager regardless of their ‘style’. It’s the work and accountability that they don’t want.

Well 7 pages of people told me not to do this and I am the issue!

It is very hard to put yourself across objectively.

No I am not trying to make myself sound better by making them sound worse.

They truely are awful and making our lives a misery. My line managers are struggling under years of this behaviour and having no boundaries, which I said, and I am trying to get things sorted to try to move forward. If I can’t manage these people how can the line managers?

Does anyone have any idea how time consuming these types of people can be? Nothing is ever enough

I have a HR manager for… HR. I am very confused as to what other HR managers are doing in other organisations based on this thread comments. I will go do some research

I am a business manager who is operational and business focused, I was not employed here for this role to manage ALL the staff I am sorry that this does not compute to those who are confused by it, but this is why I can’t get on with my normal job and I am falling behind in the tasks set for me. But I have compassion that my line managers are struggling and I need to help them. They are worn down by the bad behaviour I think

I am not autistic or setting up my own tasks or obsessed with task completion. I have a job description that I am working to, it didn’t involve all of these tasks. I just have tasks that need to be done unfortunately

I have good working relationships with other staff groups and there is no issue with me feeling above them or only valuing my own peers or valuable people

I am trying to put in boundaries - no if I am in a meeting, I don’t need to know you ran out of loo roll, or that your computer went weird (phone IT), or whether you can have a new chair (send an email), the blind fell down, or if the kettle needs descaling but most of the time it is to tell tales and complain about other people, complain about pay (there is a process for this, I don’t decide pay)

they never say please, or use polite language and if I say ‘sorry I am just about to go into a meeting, can I get back to you at about 2pm’ or ‘can you pop by later’ or ‘send me a quick email’ they have a huffy tantrum and start an argument with me, telling me no one likes me, I am unprofessional, cold, rude etc.

I have a diary they can look at if they wanted to. They don’t

they won’t accept no as an answer and just keep threatening to report me for this and that. I wish they would!

If I offer a drop in session they use it to complain about other people and they frankly ruin it for everyone else

These people seem to have no problem solving skills of their own - they are used to these queen bee types who say ‘don’t worry love, leave it to me’ and gate keep all the work and glory, deskilling everyone else so they have no idea how to do any of the tasks. This works well for them - less responsibilities. And here I am, sorting, delegating and making them do their roles.

Yes this is what I have said

I am busy, but not too busy to do what I think I can manage to do. And this involves saying hello and I make myself available when I can it’s just quite tight and I am stressed about it.

I have laid down the law about them following the complaints procedures.

The line managers are feeling bullied and out of their depth so are also leaning on me

@Teakake said, "Well 7 pages of people told me not to do this and I am the issue!"

If you had said on page one that just 5% of your team were causing issues I am sure you would have been told to follow the performance management procedure with them immediately.

Why have you not done this?

I once had a staff member like this. She wanted me to take her for coffee and chat about her life all the time, and got extremely upset when I didn't. We managed her out.

I then overcompensated with another staff member and had the opposite problem - she felt able to undermine me because the boundaries were blurred.

Everybody else has been fine with my management style. I did learn a lot from both experiences, with the ultimate takeaway that you can't please everybody and it isn't always the manager's fault. But if ALL your staff are saying the same then I would say that workplace or department isn't a good cultural fit for you.

I'd be looking to move on.

Breakfast with the boss every Friday as suggested by a PP sounds pretty bad!
I don't want a boss to be my friend. I don't want them to hang about having a coffee. I want clear direction, objectives and honesty, constructive feedback on my performance. Assistance and advice on complex issues.

Like a few other posters I've also worked in places with a long serving group who felt they were in charge, and constantly found something to complain about. It's about control and power. They want to break you.

Maybe read up more around team, building…specially around “form, storm, norm, perform “

otherwise knows as "bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks"

this all of this.