Constant criticism from people I manage about my management

[Teakake]

As per the title, I am finding myself receiving unsolicited feedback from staff. I am significantly younger than many of them and in the past they have been used to a manager who hangs around drinking tea and asking about your weekend plans, or getting caught up in tiny details and basically doing all the perceived ‘easy’ little jobs which other staff are already here to do.

Problem is, this was running the business down the drain, and the most important jobs were not getting done, so I am a business manager, here to get efficiencies. I am not answering the phones at reception because I employ people to do that and my time is spent on other areas of the business.

However do not get this wrong, I will gladly pitch in if help is needed and we are unexpectedly busy or understaffed, I do not think of myself as too good for any job and I know how everyone’s job works as I have learnt this from them directly.

I do not micromanage - I am here for support if it’s needed. I don’t work remotely, am on site all day full time. I am very busy so I am often whizzing around and will say hi quickly in passing, and I ask staff to give me a heads up about what they want to talk to me about so that I can prioritise if this is urgent or not, as some of my work is very time critical.

The staff feel I don’t spend enough time with them. I ask why they want this time, is it work related? If so, I will arrange training.

No it’s because they want to feel important and special to me.

They are constantly interrupting me, demanding my time and when I give it to them, they just use that time to complain. I try to help them get out of circular thinking they don’t want to, So I leave the discussion with no resolution.

Even if I tell them that I don’t have extra time, I am in meetings and I have deadlines, it’s never good enough. I am here all day but they say ‘we never see you’ or ‘you don’t show any interest in us’ and ‘you are cold and too professional’.

They are important as humans, and valued in the workplace so I ensure they all have a safe working environment, stable work patterns, adequate training, annual appraisals, work related meetings.

No this is not what they mean. They are offended I am not their FRIEND. I am not befriending them and sitting on their desk chit chatting.

I do not want to be their friend. I just want to be their manager.

I am going to be honest, the clingy neediness is not helping, it feels like I have a large group of ladies clinging to my arms like small children, dragging me down.

I have put in boundaries and they do not respond well.

I approached my managers and asked if they agreed with this feedback from staff. They said no, I am doing exactly what they want me to do. I asked if they wanted me to do anything differently. They said no, my performance was great. There is no issue. The issue is the staff who have bad attitudes. I have suggested sharing an overview of my diary with the whole team so they can see how busy I am. No, they just want me to performance manage these people - which I am, but as they are constantly criticising me, we just don’t make any progress.

My managers are not helping me here.

In order to get out of this rut I have the following options:

-Put them all on last warning/performance plans
-take a tribunal risk and start letting people go (not all that comfortable with this, because it’s started to concern me I am part of the issue)
-Leave myself and get a new job
-start faking friendliness to the detriment of my job and productivity (I can’t do this!)
-take out formal grievances on the ring leaders to force my managers to intervene

I disagree with previous posters OP, they don’t seem to understand your point that you are the business manager, not a people manager - they have their own line managers for that.

I think you are being too extreme in your response, and don’t understand why you’re considering leaving the job over this. They are making comments such as wishing they could see more of you - so what? I think the “let them” theory is applicable here.

I think you are on the right track with putting in place boundaries. The missing piece I think is sticking to them and properly communicating them. For example, why are you being dragged into their performance reviews, when you know that’s the role of their line managers? Your staff don’t seem to understand what your role is and what the respective responsibilities are of you and the line managers. I would have a bespoke meeting where you clearly set out roles and responsibilities, and share the slides afterwards so everyone is really clear.

They are being cheeky and rude to demand you perform your job differently. Your manager agrees you are doing the right thing, so get them to present at this meeting so that everyone knows this isn’t just you. Let them have their say but make sure they all leave the meeting knowing it’s not acceptable for them to continue harassing you.

this absolutely

I have worked in leadership, in senior roles through a few different sectors, and currently work freelance, often doing business development and growth projects.

In my opinion, the single most valuable thing which you can do here is take charge of the situation. Block a whole morning off if your diary and invite everyone else to a 2-hour meeting for the first two hours of it. Email everyone before the meeting explaining that its a brainstorming space to improve things which they are dissatisfied with.

Start the meeting by explaining that it is a safe space to raise concerns, and that they will be listened to and taken seriously, and that the team as a whole will work together to find solutions to the problem.

Let them raise anything which they want, without frustration or anger, but then redirect to it being solution focused each time. Eg:

Staff member "You aren't available enough to us"
You "Can you give us some specific examples"
Staff member "I tried to ask you to turn up the heat and you were in a meeting and couldn't support me"
You "That must have felt quite frustrating for you. Has anyone got any suggestions of how we can tackle this?"
Staff member: "You can be available when I need you"
You "We could definitely put in a weekly coffee all together, but I don't think "big boss" will agree to me stopping the rest of my work. How about any other solutions?
Staff "We could ask "line manager" when you're not free
You: Great, that sounds like a brilliant solution, lets write that on the list.

You also need to use the forum to encourage them to fix things themselves.

Staff member: "The photocopier keeps breaking and you're the only person who can fix it, but you're never around"
You "What could be a solution to that?"
Staff member: "You fix the photocopier more quickly when its broken"
You: "That would work short term, but what if I'm away for work for a week - we can't just not photocopy things. Are there any other suggestions?"
Staff member: "One of us could learn to use it, but we don't understand how
You: "Great idea. Janet, please could you take the lead on this? Get some training booked in and make sure you all know how to fix it".

By the end of the meeting you're aiming to have a list of issues, with solutions to them mainly delegated to the team. Each time one of them fixes something give loads of praise.

Then, going forward, each time someone interrupts you with a complaint ask them to add it to the agenda for the next fixing meeting, along with how they think it can be fixed. Hopefully by the time you get to the next fixing meeting (first one after 1 month, every 3 months after that maybe?) they will have fixed the thing.

I would also try, really hard, to make sure that you aren't dis-empowering the line managers. So any staff member who comes to you with anything, you need to be asking them "Have you asked line manager?".

You seem to be thinking of drastic consequences, OP. Your bosses are happy with what you're doing, so please don't think of leaving.

Share your diary with your staff if you think they are assuming you have time to spare for them. I'm shocked they are interrupting meetings - why do you allow that? That sort of thing smacks of them having very poor boundaries - you should pull them up on that every time. Stick a Do Not Disturb note on the door for every meeting.

It's hard when they aren't likeable women, but do try to spend a few minutes each day chatting - maybe make a point of going along at a certain time of day for a five minute chat.

“My managers are not helping me here”… The irony!

I don't know why you've made the jump from things being a bit tricky to the only options being either sack people or you leave.

There are plenty of other approaches

Maybe you would benefit from some mentoring?

It sounds you are able to build relationships with people you consider important.

This sounds short-sighted - I suppose you are responsible for the overall results of the team you manage. Why should people you despise work towards your goals?

You consider giving them final warnings - for what exactly? For being unpleasant? For providing feedback? For being unhappy with the current setup?

People who are suggesting these forced social events and scheduled meetings are missing the point. All that stuff takes time to organise and carry out. It is much more efficient having a quick chat here and there. You don’t have to send any emails or write up minutes. You can do it when walking along a corridor or making a coffee.

Absolutely agree. Everyone should be having a 1:1. Every couple of weeks and a longer performance and development conversation twice a year

When you talk about performance plans or tribunals what are they actually doing wrong in their jobs. You mention them interrupting you but not what aspects of their role they aren't fulfilling. Why are they not approaching their immediate managers with any problems. Why are they going over their heads to you? Why did they not want their managers in appraisals? Why would you capitulate to this rather than finding what is the problem. If you solved this they wouldn't be coming to you directly.

Sorry but you sound like a terrible manager. You sound like you only want to build rapport with people above you and can't be arsed with the people you actually manage.

You need to manage the people as well as the work and you are clearly failing to do that.

I find it your options for dealing with it quite frankly astonishing. The only one that's sensible is for you to leave and get another job.

Do you have team meetings and regular one to ones where they can raise any issues and contribute to solutions, offer to help? They sound ignored

I hope you didn’t just approach your manager and tell them about your problem. I hope you told them in advance the topic that you wished to discuss so they could triage your concern as they are very busy people.

You say that your manager is not helping. You shouldn’t be clinging to their legs like a child. If you have a work related issue they can arrange training.

**For the avoidance of doubt the above is sarcasm intended to make you reflect on whether you would like to be managed in the way that you are attempting to manage others.

You have said you get great feedback from your managers and other stakeholders and that it is part of your job to network with these people. Perhaps if you accepted it is part of your job to network with other staff things would be going better.

The option list you have given for dealing with the issue is completely mad. How about as others have suggested you have a weekly team meeting with tea and biscuits type approach - or (as you say as you are on site all day) make 15 minutes in the morning at a set time when people can drop in with issues. That way if someone approaches you with a non urgent issue you can ask them “can you catch me at my drop in in the morning?” Have it in your office so if no-one comes you can work through it.

A good manager makes time for their staff and make their staff feel valued. If you want to be a good manager then you will have to make time for yours.

I know it may not be realistic in every workplace but when I started in my job my manager said to me “I am here Mon-Fri and if you have any questions my door is always open” you might not be able to offer that but you should be able to offer some access to you.

This 100%

This is social work senior management to a T. People who have trained and worked in a job which literally requires people skills, but it all seems to go out of the window when they reach a certain level of management.

OP, I agree that you sound like exactly this sort of manager - robotic and lacking empathy. I’m sure you’re logical and pragmatic and senior managers love what you do, but that doesn’t mean it’s effective. It really sounds like you need to reflect on your interpersonal skills, as you’ll never get the best out of a team with the approach you’re using, and you most definitely can’t blame it all on others.

if I had a manager who clearly didn’t give two hoots about me and didn’t make me feel valued, or even pretend to make me feel valued, they’d be getting nothing more than the barest minimum out of me

Yes, your managers may well have told you that you are a people person but they also aren’t seeing what’s happening on the ground. The staff you are managing matter hugely and you need to start making them feel like they actually do matter and that you and the business do value them

They don't want to work they are trying to wear you down. They are toxic and don't like change. I would go with option 1 and reinterview them if you can for the positions. Are these people qualified or experienced to do the job. Those are the questions you need to ask yourself.

It’s difficult if you’ve been given the directive to toughen up on your team, because obviously it’s not something most employees enjoy, but you are following guidance from your employer. Is it possible though that you’ve gone to the other extreme from their previous manager?

I was in quite a similar situation to this a few years ago. I was one of the team members rather than the manager, but my position was unique, as I started at the same time as the “tough new broom” manager and had no experience of her predecessor - all I knew was what I was told. I agreed with my colleagues that new manager was way too harsh and detached, but because I didn’t have any loyalty to her predecessor, I could read between the lines and see he’d been very lax. My guess is she was told to clamp down on the over-relaxed habits in the team and took it too far.

Is there a chance that this is what you have done - taken the guidance to tighten things up, but run too far with it? Is there any room for a middle ground? Even if it’s just a bit of chat at the start of a meeting, or their 1 to 1s, or a monthly team lunch in the calendar (that you commit to and do not cancel without good reason)?

I don’t mind having tea with people or chatting in passing if they are pleasant company (and I have time) but some of these ladies are not pleasant company at all.

You don’t get the luxury of deciding who you want to engage with as a manager, I’m afraid. You don’t have to be their friend, but coming across like you’re actively avoiding them is not going to foster a pleasant team environment.

Most if not all office environments are toxic and any toxicity should be stamped out immediately. Do you work for a local authority?

Don't get involved in office gossip if they are toxic say hello and goodbye is good enough. You are there to do a job and should stick to that. My partner hates working in offices you can see it as soon as you walk through the door and hear the shit that comes out of people mouths. You wonder how these people managed to get the job. I know there was a useless manager who hired them previously before the new CEO came on board. If op gets involved then she becomes part of the toxicity.

This!

If multiple people are complaining about your management style then I'd start considering whether they are actually the problem here.

There are so many posts it’s hard to keep up with them all

I will give more context

In terms of percentages, it’s 5% of the whole staff who are behaving this way towards me/managers and it’s persistent and historical. I have tried to address it and build bridges with them, spending time with them.

These 5% of the people are nasty, cruel and spiteful and not liked by other people, however they tend to band together to intimidate and undermine the systems and processes

I think the other managers spent too much time chatting and there is a balance between that, and zero. I am not trying to avoid chatting to people. These certain people actually make me feel intimidated and being in their presence is like being trapped in an oppressive cloud of anthrax.

I am in part trying to protect my line managers as they aren’t coping - and neither am I, its that bad

I don’t come to work to be verbally abused by anyone.

I also think the previous managers and current line managers avoided conflict with these people by basically submitting to them. I am not prepared to do that. This should be a place people want to come to work. Not a place where you go home crying

I have come into a toxic work place and I think it’s beyond repair tbh.

You sound like you're more concerned with the feedback from your managers than you are about feedback from the people you're managing. Everyone always thinks they're a great manager but honestly you don't come over as if you're very approachable. You come over as if you think your time is more valuable than theirs and that you, as their manager, don't really have time for them, just for giving them instructions.

Offices can be shit places to work and I don't envy managers at times but often they're not as great as they think they are and are really resistant to feedback from the people they manage.

if its 5% of the workforce and they are verbally abusing you (I have been there too) then use the company harassment policies to throw the book, in fact the whole book case, at them. Do not build bridges, build a trebuchet!