My boss reprimanded me and some of my other coworkers for avoiding a smelly coworker.

[joel666]

I am a 34 year old male and i work as a web developer. I am fairly good at it my work and get along with most other coworkers.

But there is this one coworker that started 2 months ago. I will refer to him as tom.

Tom is good at his job but there is problem with him.

Ever since i met him for the first time, he always had a strong stench to him. His odor is a mix of weed and unwashed body odor and on top of that, his breath smells really bad.

But i always tried being polite but me and some of my other coworkers who also noticed how bad he smells avoid him but we tried not to be rude about it.

For examples. When tom would sit near us, my coworkers and me would tell each other "why don't we go seat over there. This table is a lot cleaner. Why don't we use this computer instead. This one is kinda slow. When you come back from the bathroom, join us on that other table next to the window.

And when we would be in the lunch break room, we would stand there, wait and see where tom would sit and we would make sure not to sit next to him.

But on the bad luck that he would sit right in front of us, i would cover my nose with my hand. And my other coworkers would do the same.

But again we try not to show our disgusts. We don't gag or make any disgusted facial expressions.

But just a week ago, our bosse called me into his office and he tells me that tom feels excluded and me and the other coworkers are creating a toxic work environment and my clique attitude will nog be tolerated.

I admitted to my boss why we avoid him. I told him that i cannot stand the stench coming off tom.

My boss argued and said this is disrespectful and he could very well have a health condition that causes him to smell unpleasant.

My other coworkers later told me that they also got reprimanded.

How would you deal with this ? Health or not, i cannot stand smelly people. I try not to be rude but when someone smells bad my first instinct is to avoid them.

Thankyou. I just need people to know.

You hold your nose, conspire to move away from him in a gang etc. Very mean behaviour. Well done to your manager.

Of course grimaces can be controlled but I wouldn’t be able to control my retching.

If Tom had genuine medical issues then I would feel very sorry for him. I know no one has to disclose medical information but I would much rather my colleagues knew I had an illness rather than thinking I smelt

For goodness sake.

Move away and show your disgust privately.

Those of us with health issues that cause you to wretch have said, at length, how horrendous that is for us too. Do everyone a favour and don’t wretch to people’s faces.

It’s really not that difficult.

Sorry, I can’t control when I wretch. Do you think I want to be retching in front of someone?

I wouldn’t be doing it to upset anyone FFS 🙄

If you’re that disgusted by something, or someone, stay away from it and then you won’t need to wretch at them.

As has been said repeatedly, not being around someone isn’t innately rude. I think we can all accept that barfing at them is.

Willingly, but then you get posters saying it’s unkind to avoid people because they smell!

Can I ask a genuine question without you jumping down my throat? Are your colleagues aware of your medical condition or just your managers?

Apologies if you’ve said elsewhere on the thread and I’ve missed it.

Could you tell that the startling number of posters who think that staying away from disgusting things is toxic bullying of the worst kind? Cheers.

Both.

In every employment I’ve had, I’ve shared it with managers and given permission for it to be shared with the team.

In this role, I am the manager. So I told my team myself.

Your Boss is right, but I would also tell Tom the truth, we would like to be friends with you Tom but we can't stand the smell of the weed.
We honest and ask him to freshen up or ask him if he has a problem.
Don't be snakey be honest

Thank you. The reason I asked is because this thread (and your posts) made me think how I would handle it if I had that problem. I think like you I would tell people, to avoid the situation in the original post with ‘Tom’.

I would also treat someone with a medical issue differently to someone who was just dirty and smelly. I would still avoid them where possible (for reasons mentioned above) would worry about offending them

Of course and I would hope this can be addressed with the colleague and also, if permitted, for others to know. I know a smell of weed and bad hygiene isn't pleasant but isn't a reason to be ostracised. One of our friends is like this and when we meet him we know what to expect and control our gag reflexes. Completely different in a working environment I understand but still a bit of empathy surely. Xx

I’ve always found it best to tell people, because it generally at least betters their response to it.

Having to work with people you’ve told that intimate detail to is very difficult, depending on how supportive they are. But having people turn their nose up at you without at least having all the information, is definitely worse. If they still do that once they know that detail, I can’t do anything further.

Wow. You really should click on ‘see all’ before you insult people. I’ve said about a dozen times now that even if the smell is down to a disability, a solution has to be found to the benefit of all. The law doesn’t allow for the needs of the disabled person to be prioritised above the rest of the workforce. So to address your points:

a) not once have l said that not washing and smoking pot is a disability.

b) Nope. That assumption is discriminatory. The care system is broken and many disabled people cannot access the care they need as a result. To just dismiss that in one sentence indicates you have no experience of disability in the real world.

c). Yes, OP did mention that Tom may have a disability. His manager hinted that a disability had been disclosed when Tom complained about OP and his colleagues behaviour.

So no, I’m not fabricating anything and l don’t consider posting from many years experience as a disability outreach worker, being familiar with the law on disability rights in the workplace, and being disabled myself to be in any way ‘virtue signalling’. My posts have been factual and clear on the rights of disabled people in the workplace as well as the rights of those who work with them and who may be impacted by their circumstance or behaviour.

If Tom has no disability then the issue is disciplinary and easily resolved. If the smell is down to any effect of disability, then his rights, as well as those of his co-workers have to be considered and reasonable adjustment made if possible. If not possible, then sacking Tom is not illegal. That’s the law. And it’s designed to protect vulnerable disabled people from attitudes like yours. And if you’d bothered to read any of my previous posts before insulting me, you’d know my position. Which is nothing like you’ve portrayed here.

As I said I would feel completely different about someone with an illness. I would struggle but I would be upset if I upset them, whereas I wouldn’t bother about offending a regular soap dodger, they have a choice.

On the subject of retching, if someone can tell me how to control my gag reflex I’d be grateful, so many things set me off!

I’ve been involved in similar situations where reasonable adjustment has involved working from home, yes, but it’s not a solution for everyone as it depends on the suitability of the job for remote working. No-one is obliged to disclose a disability and to be honest l’ve had lots of experience with disabled people who have seemed ideal for the job but who have been passed over when they’ve disclosed at the interview stage. So l don’t advocate for honesty from the start any more - it’s up to the person themselves whether they disclose voluntarily or don’t unless a problem arises connected with their condition.

I do think it’s better to be honest, and to give permission for the disability to be shared with work colleagues, but it’s very much down to the individual and not something that can be forced.

Sounds like you have a weak boss - he is finding it easier to tell off 'nice' people like yourselves than to go outside his comfort zone and address the complexities and discomfort of the real issue. I would call another meeting with him (1 to 1) tell him that you are concerned to learn that other co-workers have been spoken to in the manner that you were. Tell him, respectfully, that you feel he needs to address the real issue for the sake of the whole team and suggest that it may help everyone if we were to consult with HR - he is unlikely to want that development and might just spring in to action.

Move away and show your disgust privately.

Isn't that exactly what OP and the others were doing, though? Or should they have just done it one at a time in quick succession rather than altogether?

Weird post. Something slightly (dare I say it) 'off' about it? Plus, I know this is an open forum but since when have we attracted juvenile male American bullies here?

Where in any of op posts does it say Tom has a disability that causes him to smell of weed and BO

what a crock just folks not having the balls to tell someone they smell and Tom is breaking the law by smoking weed which in any work place is a sackable offence.

plus it isn’t smoked either if medical use, there wouldn’t be a smell of it

If someone is sensitive to smell and it cause retching we have no control over it hth

Men have always been welcome here, as have Americans.

Whether you see somebody's actions in getting away from an overpowering stench as juvenile or bullying is just your own opinion.

I admitted to my boss why we avoid him. I told him that i cannot stand the stench coming off tom.
My boss argued and said this is disrespectful and he could very well have a health condition that causes him to smell unpleasant.
My other coworkers later told me that they also got reprimanded.

Above is from the OP. It sounds as though Tom has declared a disability when he complained to the manager. The manager won’t be at liberty to discuss it with OP or other employees unless Tom agrees to share, so he’s hinted at it. Like it or not, if he has declared a disability the boss has a legal duty to find reasonable adjustment if possible. He can’t just sack Tom because disability is a protected characteristic and it could be construed as unfair dismissal if no effort has been made to find a solution mutually acceptable to all.

Fair enough.

As has been said previously, there’s nothing the matter with not wanting to spend time around someone.

Conspiring to do so as a group (as in, ganging up on someone), discussing with others that you’re going to all stay clear, pointedly making gestures that indicate your disgust in a very thinly veiled way, outwardly wrenching in someone’s face, making rude comments. All unnecessary.

Being unable to be around a person can still be handled with sensitivity and maturity.

fair point but nope not buying it, that’s the bosses get out clause and they are disrespectful what a lot of bullshit. Disrespectful is the boss not addressing and blaming them of bullying.