My boss reprimanded me and some of my other coworkers for avoiding a smelly coworker.

[joel666]

I am a 34 year old male and i work as a web developer. I am fairly good at it my work and get along with most other coworkers.

But there is this one coworker that started 2 months ago. I will refer to him as tom.

Tom is good at his job but there is problem with him.

Ever since i met him for the first time, he always had a strong stench to him. His odor is a mix of weed and unwashed body odor and on top of that, his breath smells really bad.

But i always tried being polite but me and some of my other coworkers who also noticed how bad he smells avoid him but we tried not to be rude about it.

For examples. When tom would sit near us, my coworkers and me would tell each other "why don't we go seat over there. This table is a lot cleaner. Why don't we use this computer instead. This one is kinda slow. When you come back from the bathroom, join us on that other table next to the window.

And when we would be in the lunch break room, we would stand there, wait and see where tom would sit and we would make sure not to sit next to him.

But on the bad luck that he would sit right in front of us, i would cover my nose with my hand. And my other coworkers would do the same.

But again we try not to show our disgusts. We don't gag or make any disgusted facial expressions.

But just a week ago, our bosse called me into his office and he tells me that tom feels excluded and me and the other coworkers are creating a toxic work environment and my clique attitude will nog be tolerated.

I admitted to my boss why we avoid him. I told him that i cannot stand the stench coming off tom.

My boss argued and said this is disrespectful and he could very well have a health condition that causes him to smell unpleasant.

My other coworkers later told me that they also got reprimanded.

How would you deal with this ? Health or not, i cannot stand smelly people. I try not to be rude but when someone smells bad my first instinct is to avoid them.

Even if he has a medical condition that doesn’t mean other employees have to put up and shut up. The obligation would be to make reasonable adjustments if he has a disability. That I would contend is unlikely to extend to him emitting a stench that makes other employees feel sick. He should be sent to OH to ascertain if there is a medical issue and if so what can be done to resolve it.

OP you could raise a grievance not about Tom but about the poor way it’s been dealt with by your manager.

You are being rude and bullying, doesn't mean Tom should go into work smelling like that but it doesn't excuse your behaviour, it is toxic and creating a bad working atmosphere. (Manager may well have spoken to Tom too)

Your boss needs to tell Tom to stop being a soap dodger and sort his life out.

Are you in the UK? If so, your boss is as much responsible for your health, safety and wellbeing, as they are for Tom - or indeed Tom is for himself or you and your colleagues are for yourselves. Your boss might know of an actual health condition but that doesn't mean they don't also have a responsibility for the rest of the team. I'd go back to the boss as a team and explain how this situation is affecting your wellbeing. Ask what they're going to do to mitigate the effect. Say you're more than willing to find a solution that includes Tom. Hopefully, this is a learning opportunity for all involved.

You haven't exactly covered yourself in glory with your behaviour OP, I can see why Tom feels deliberately excluded as that's exactly what you're doing. However, someone needs to have a discreet word with him to let him know the reason. I would strongly object to being expected to spend all day sitting next to someone who stinks.

The boss needs to have a word with him. OK, you are at present excluding him, but I can see why. It's literally the boss's job to address this, and he has done re your behaviour, but also needs to address it with Tom.

The thing a grown up would do is have the conversation. “Tom, I need to speak with you about something sensitive and embarrassing, this is difficult for everyone concerned, but we want to help you be a good work colleague and understand if there is some information we have misunderstood. At the moment, we are experiencing a strong body odour from you. It may partially be that your clothes have not fully dried before being put away, but it is essential to wear a fresh laundered tee shirt every day, and to shower and use an anti-perspirant on the days when you come to the office. I appreciate things were different during Covid, but we’re back to old school now. Shower and anti perspiring every day before the office, with a freshly laundered tee. Thanks. Have a lovely weekend.”

Out of interest, what medical condition would make someone constantly smell in this way?

That's the manager's job.

2 situations here-

1 - a group of adults who walk away (your pathetic excuses are so transparent) and a colleague who feels excluded and bullied which he has every right to feel since that IS what you're all doing. Thank goodness he felt brave enough to speak up and avoid his mental health taking a battering.

2 - a fellow colleague who has a personal hygiene issue. Now if your boss wasn't already aware of it, they can't have a private chat so see how they could be supporting the colleague. Rather than constantly move away the responsibility of highlighting the hygiene issue to your manager is down to all of you.

Had any of you highlighted this, the situation could have been resolved without any embarrassment for anyone except now your colleague has reported you and your other colleagues for creating a toxic environment and that is a horrible feeling to be in.

Your boss may have been more supportive to the whole situation has they been made aware, now they think they managed a team of bullies

Do you think he's stupid?
You're bullying him.

I agree with others that the onus is on your boss to speak to him.

It's a horrible position to be in, but making the man feel like an outsider because everyone is avoiding him, is even worse than him hearing he stinks.
He may be relieved, because if it's just a matter of hygiene, it can be quickly resolved.

Why was your first instinct to bully him? Why not talk to him? Or talk to your boss and ask your boss to talk to him?

Yes, it's grim.

But you're an adult, act like one ffs. It's not hard - billions of us do it every day.

Yes you are.

You and your colleagues are being unbelievably cruel to him without him understanding why. It would have been kinder to take him aside and gently make him aware of the issue but I’m not suggesting that is a good idea either as your boss needs to manage that.
Put yourself on his shoes for a moment and consider how you would feel if all your colleagues were blatantly excluding you? Hope you feel ashamed of yourself and try to make amends.

I dont think its bullying to distance yourself from someone you feel is unpleasant in anyways.

You should have raised this with you boss as soon as this started - I can understand why your behaviour is perceived as bullying.

However, now that your boss has been made aware of the issue they need to deal with it. It’s a very difficult thing to raise with a colleague - I’ve had to deal with this as a manager and it’s awful - but it does need dealt with.

@MoveToParis no one can do that. They'd get accused of bullying.

@joel666 it is your boss's job to sort this and I understand how awful this must be. Could you approach HR as a group?

you're not bullying anyone. You're doing your best in a horrible situation

Of course it’s bullying. A group of staff are deliberately making a point of avoiding him in a way it is clear. Your covering your face when he is close.

how is that not bullying? Children in primary school know it’s not nice to behave like you are

It is, especially as everyone seems to have joined in, making it obvious he is an outsider.

It absolutely is. And the manager is doing nothing, which isn’t ok.
I’m extremely sensitive to smells and wouldn’t be able to tolerate sitting near someone who smelled very bad. People could call me a bully all they like, I’d have to move or I’d be feeling ill all day.

OP seriousky. You are trying to make it seem better because you ‘haven’t been directly rude to him’. Anyone with any sense would see you are avoiding him, moving when he sits near you, making up fake excuses to move places, excluding him and behaving like a clique. This is the definition of bullying by the anti bullying alliance:

The repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves a balance of power.

This is what you are doing. You are targeting and repetitively excluding an individual which is hurtful (by exclusion and clearly talking about him). The balance of power is your group.

OP stop defend in your actions and realise what you aren’t doing is okay. Your manager is right.

But on the bad luck that he would sit right in front of us, i would cover my nose with my hand. And my other coworkers would do the same.
But again we try not to show our disgusts. We don't gag or make any disgusted facial expressions.

That is bullying. The fact that you, someone who purports to be a grown man, claim not to be able to see that is mind boggling. But you obviously know, you just don't care - it's all about you, as it always is with bullies.

Tbh I'd rather a colleague that was a bit stinky than one who clearly lacked basic decency - and I'm sure a lot of people on this thread will feel the same.

A medical condition that makes him smell of cannabis? I'm not aware of one. Neither Diabetes, Parkinson's or Trimethylaminuria make you smell of illegal drugs