Coworkers complained to our supervisor because I am indifferent. Why are people so needy.

[anissa834]

I recently got a job at a new location as a graphic designer.

I've been working there for 10 months so far. I really like this job even tho it's demanding.

But I got problems with my coworkers. When it comes to other coworkers, I mostly talk to them about the work at hand. I work with them when I have to but other then that I don't have any real relationships with them.

My interactions with coworkers are strictly formal and neutral.

I just come in, get my jobs done and go home. Plus I already have plenty of friends outside of work.

Sometimes, some of them would complain that I am anti social and cold but I up until now, it never escalated.

Before the complaint, here are some context.

There is that one lady coworker who is the golden coworker.

You see how many parents have several children but they have that one golden child ? The child that get the most attention, love, gifts and overall gets spoiled and sometimes get away from being punished ?

Well that coworker is the equivalent of a golden child. She is the golden colleague. She is also known to be the boss's good girl. She is extremely loyal to him and doesn't mind snitching.

She is one of those people at work that almost everyone loves and wants to get to know.

I personally don't care about her but I am not jealous or anything but some of my other coworkers also complained that I am indifferent towards the golden colleague even tho I've told them multiple times that I am here to be productive and get stuff done and I have nothing against the golden colleague.

Well the complaint came in because apparently the golden colleague have been out of work for a week last week for some kind of medical problems. I don't really know the details, I don't care.

She came back today. I said good morning to everybody and began doing what I had to do in the job.

Well my boss called me in this morning and he informed me that my indifference and coldness is making people around me uncomfortable. He did say that I am not breaking any company policies and he is satisfied with my performance but perhaps I need to be a bit more warm and friendlier. Even said "we are a family here" . I told him that I've been respectful and professional towards my colleagues but he talked to me about the golden colleague and how she is been out for a week and when she came in, I didn't even ask how is she doing and how her health is improving and how I am always indifferent towards her and that she is a bubbly friendly person and I don't understand why I am so cold towards her.

He let me go eventually because this conversation wasn't going anywhere. We kept going back and forth and we both got annoyed at each other but he told me at the end "think about this conversation okay ?"

Why are people so needy ?

I get that once you have got to know people you then decide whether you want to be friends with them or not, but I don't get the view that if someone is a work colleague you can't be friendly or even friends with them.

For people who have moved for a job work is often the first place where you make friends.

You can. If you want to. If you don't want to it's not necessary.
This isn't a difficult concept

Did you actually read the links you posted?
All of them highlight the problems with social workplaces
The first talks about how new employees often feel isolated and excluded
The second covers how larger, less social teams, moderate the poor behaviour of cliques in social workplaces
The pdf is the most unscientific load of crap since Myers Briggs

Did you? Yes, they highlight issues but overall found that the positive effects outweighed the negatives, hence the positive conclusions I posted previously.

The same couple of posters are just determined to be negative about trying to get on with co-workers and teamworking. I'm glad I don't work with people like them.

Nope. Just endlessly trying to make people understand that nobody has to act as you want them to to make you more comfortable at work.
Stop trying to control your colleagues.

It has nothing to do with controlling people

I'm not friends with everyone I work with, nor do I want to be. I treat people the way I want to be treated myself, which in my case is not with cold, aloof indifference.

Just being pleasant to co-workers is not an unreasonable expectation IMO. As has been pointed out several times already, it really does improve the atmosphere at work. Having read the pile on the OP is getting you must realise that cold indifference is not well tolerated by most people.

I do see what you are saying, @DowntonFlabbie, and I don't think you are entirely wrong - I just wonder whether @anissa834 could consider changing her approach at work slightly, so her work atmosphere is better. Purely for her own benefit.

As an introvert myself, I can absolutely understand being quiet at work - and it does seem that some, more extrovert, people seem to take an introvert's quietness as some sort of insult or challenge to them. When I was working, I did try to fit in at work, partly because I worry awfully about people judging me, and partly, I guess, to make my life easier - but I agree that I shouldn't have had to.

I'm babbling but I hope it makes some sense.

I don't see this as an introvert vs extrovert thing @SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius.

I'm quiet at work. I just get my head down because I have too much to do. I just think being pleasant to colleagues instead of cold, aloof and dismissive makes for a much more pleasant working environment.

I work with introverted people. They are quiet and have a friendly demeanour. They aren't rude to other people.

It has absolutely nothing to do with introversion, unless by introvert you mean ‘misanthrope’ (which, in fairness it’s widely misunderstood as on Mn). I’m an introvert and am perfectly capable of behaving in a civil, friendly way to colleagues.

This is a rather ironic thread!

Ingenuously cherry picking to find snippets the complete opposite of the papers' reported outcomes is an interesting way to draw conclusions

That's quite fair for you to feel that
Just as it's quite fair for people to resent feeling bullied into being sociable at work when they don't want to

"As has been pointed out several times already, it really does improve the atmosphere at work."
Pointed out by the very people causing issues for those who do not want to be sociable beyond basic pleasantries

Oh, for goodness sake. A pleasant good morning is not bullying.

Why do you persist in saying that anyone who is nice to their co-workers are bullies?

Pointed out by the very people causing issues for those who do not want to be sociable beyond basic pleasantries

I don't talk to my quiet introverted co-workers other than saying good morning because I know they wouldn't appreciate it. I don't bukky them to be sociable. I am perfectly capable of reading the room. I don't know why you feel this way. It sounds there must be a back story.

I don't chat. I don't have time, but I am not cold and aloof. I am known as one of the quieter people in our team, but I am pleasant to people. I might even have the temerity to ask if someone has had a nice holiday if they have been away. If you find something like that bullying then good luck with reporting that to HR.

I don't bukky them to be sociable.

That should say "I don't bully them to be sociable. No-one does that where I work.

"I don't talk to my quiet introverted co-workers other than saying good morning because I know they wouldn't appreciate it. I don't bukky them to be sociable. I am perfectly capable of reading the room."

Then you would be a pleasure to work with for people at both ends of the sociable/work only scale