Racist manager

[tothem]

My glasses are broken, so please forgive any mistakes—everything is blurry.

I’ve been working for a local council for about four months now. My team is small, consisting of seven members: six of us on the same level and one manager, let’s call him John. John’s manager is Karen.

Most of the team, especially Karen, works from home. I still work full-time in the office since I’m still in training. I’m also the only Black person on the team.

I’ve noticed that whenever Karen comes to the office for meetings (which is rare), she never acknowledges my greetings. If I mention something to her, like, “Oh, that desk isn’t working,” she just stares at me without responding. She has never engaged with me at all.

This made me wonder why.

Out of the blue, I received an invitation to a meeting from Karen. I was puzzled, as I wasn’t sure what it was about, and I was a bit concerned. Eventually, I found out the meeting was sent to the whole team.

Unfortunately, I missed the meeting, but my colleagues told me she announced that she was leaving due to redundancy and was visibly upset.

I felt sorry for her and struggled internally about whether to reach out. I eventually sent her a lighthearted, heartfelt message apologizing for missing the meeting and acknowledging her redundancy. She read it but never replied.

A few days later, she came to the office again. This time, I chose to ignore her entirely—I refuse to allow myself to be ignored as she has done to me in the past. I overheard a colleague talking to her about her redundancy, but I didn’t engage.

Her behavior disgusts me, and I’ve been contemplating the right time to bring this up with John or even Karen herself.

Now, I suspect there may be plans for a send-off party for her. My initial thought is to tell John and the team that while I’m available, I won’t be attending because I find Karen rude, unpleasant, and possibly even racist. Alternatively, I could raise this issue with John or HR when the opportunity arises, though I don’t feel inclined to formally call John into a meeting.

What do you think? Should I simply express my reasons for not attending the send-off, or should I file an official complaint with John or HR? She leaving soon but then it will be on record 🤷🏽‍♀️

I am not sure this is racism. My boss didn’t speak to me for the first two years😂I think she was just intimidated by me as I speak up and speak my mind. Last Christmas I walked into a room and said a loud “Hi” to everyone they all acknowledged me but her! Rude. This sort of behaviour just makes me act more annoying and single her out by pointedly saying “Good morning X” and being extra friendly and sickeningly nice. It drives ppl mad but she has now started talking to me, ha I won!

I get the same experience at work from senior leaders. Its like I'm not even there!
I'm also white, as are they.
I just see it as them being rude/up their own ass.

If you want to blame racism i would need a lot more than this

Can I ask why you missed the meeting? If my manager's boss sent me a meeting invitation I would acknowledge and definitely attend. I would send apologies or try to rearrange if I couldn't attend. This is what I would do regardless of whether I was on probation or not.

The woman sounds like she has poor social communication skills and this doesn't necessarily mean she is racist. I'm not white myself, however I've noticed people aren't generally good at engaging with people they don't know. But you do need to speak to people in order to get to know them so it's one of those chicken and egg situations.

I've got the reverse problem, one of my colleagues mentioned that she doesn't go out of her way to speak to white people because they're all racist! Now that is a massive generalisation and also racist behaviour.

I cannot see any racism. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't see any racism either. As you're new/still training I would have thought she's not putting in the effort to get to know you because she'll be gone soon - not very nice but nothing you can do about it. I've seen this many times.

I'd also be pretty pissed off if I was your skip-level manager and you didn't join a meeting I set without reaching out and explaining why prior tbh. Standard practise in my industry (and we're pretty flexible!) is to prioritise meetings arranged by people higher up the chain of command unless you have a meeting with a client etc.

I'd be very careful saying you think it's racist behaviour without clear proof - it's quite an accusation, and it makes it more difficult for people actually come forward when they are being discriminated against.

OP don’t go to her leaving do and don’t sign a card. Don’t engage with her on anything except for work.

People can get very defensive and hostile if there’s any accusation of racism. It’s something people love to deny and not see in the workplace. It makes life difficult for others if they are expected to confront someone else’s racism. Things can end up very lonely and difficult for you, sadly.

You could bring up her rudeness and hostility towards you. I guarantee nobody in your office will want to call it racism.

Maybe ask in Black Mumsnetters. You really do have my sympathy OP.

Sounds like the problem has solved itself as she is leaving anyway. She is hardly likely to admit to being racist or treating you unfairly or engaging with any HR process. Just be glad she will soon be gone and ignore any attempts to contribute to any collections or heartfelt farewells!

I don't think this is racism.

It sounds to me more like she is generally angry/upset at being made redundant and probably resent you as one of the latest addition to the team.

Of course she is wrong to do that, but probably think 'why did they employ someone new if they could not keep my role'...

She is leaving anyway so I don't see the point in going after her. She will be gone soon enough.

As a white woman I don't think that I can comment on whether your experience is because of your race or not, Op.

However I would just sit tight and not be involved in any collection / celebration of your colleague leaving. I did similar earlier this year when a (in my opinion) misogynistic, agist colleague left. I didn't contribute to his card or present, or go to his leaving party. I was asked by my director why and responded that I didn't think that he would miss me not being there!

She sounds deeply unpleasant and I don’t blame you for ignoring her now and not attending her send off. It’s is perfectly possible that her attitude is racially motivated but difficult to prove based on what you have written so far. If you raise a complaint I would focus on the facts I.e being ignored or not acknowledged etc. I doubt with her being made redundant that they will follow through on anything.

unfortunately many posters will come along and say they don’t see any racism here so brace yourself for some unpleasantness

I'm interested in why you feel there are racist undertones. Is it because you feel singled out and are the only black person on the team?

I think regardless, as she's leaving anyway I wouldn't do anything. Just don't give her the headspace.

Without further context I can’t comment on whether her behaviour is racially motivated or if it is solely down to her being a poor leader.

What is clear is that she absolutely is a poor leader and you have had a horrible experience reporting into her.

Regardless of the fact she is leaving, a complaint, whether formal or informal, should be looked into fully.

If I don't like a person who is leaving I just don't sign their card and obviously wouldn't attend any leaving do.
Have you mentioned her unfriendliness to anyone else ? She may be like that with everyone?

She's leaving anyway. Make your excuses not to go to the send off and focus on your relationship with John and the rest of your colleagues.
She's been rude but sounds like dealing with a lot of stress and hasn't done anything that sounds like it needs making a massive fuss about

To those who said

She is probably angry or not happy because of her redundancy;
She only just got the news about her redundancy and are bad rude behaviour going on for weeks/months before she got told of redundancy.

To those who said and ask y I call it racism
I mean she talks everyone else (all whites) I am the only one she does not talk to and I am the only black. I don't know what else I am expected to think and moreover she engages with another person (white) who started weeks after me🤷🏽‍♀️

I am not going to make excuses about not going to a leaving do. I will say why outrightly maybe not call her racist (but then depends).

Someone asked why I didn't go to the meeting
I can't get into that now as it too long but it was a genuine reason related to work but that's got no bearing at all on anything at all.

I can understand why you feel this way. You have a lived experience of this and probably have a nose for it, the same way I do with sexist men. I wouldn't be attending her leaving do or signing any leaving card. I hope you have a better time at work going forward.

I'd stick to the facts if I were you.

The facts are she's rude, ignorant and unpleasant to you.

'Possibly' racist is your call, but it's a very serious unfounded accusation that could open a massive can of worms.

So I'd stick to the facts which are more than enough anyway.

I mean she’s leaving anyway so the problem has solved itself. She may well be racist, but she is definitely rude and ignorant, so that’s a good reason not to sign any card or not to go to her leaving do.

She may well be racist OP, you are the one experiencing her behaviour and its not for a white person like me to tell you you are wrong.
Fortunately she is leaving now and its entirely up to you if you want to acknowledge that

@tothem

Based on the further information you’ve given, there may well be a racially motivated element to her behaviour towards you. It sounds like lots and lots of microaggressions.

I wouldn’t make any excuses either if asked why you’re not attending. A flat out “I don’t like how she has treated me” is reason enough, even without further detail.

I don't know why she was weird with you but I'd just let it quietly slide now she's going. I'd avoid the collection/sendoff and not say anything.
However, next time somebody behaves like that I would mention it early on. Just say something to your own boss like 'I find Karen quite hard to engage with, she never responds when I speak to her in the office?'.

It is not more serious to be accused of racism than it is to behave in a racist way.

She'd have known about the redundancy for months ahead of it being announced, in all probability as a senior person.

Sounds to me like she knew she was leaving and didn't have the capacity to
Invest in a new relationship with a new worker.

I don't really understand what you're saying?

For clarity, what I'm saying is if you're going to make a very serious allegation of racism against someone in the workplace, you'd do well to have more than 'possibly' racist on your side.

Like some sort of evidence, whether it be written or spoken and witnessed.