Racist manager

[tothem]

My glasses are broken, so please forgive any mistakes—everything is blurry.

I’ve been working for a local council for about four months now. My team is small, consisting of seven members: six of us on the same level and one manager, let’s call him John. John’s manager is Karen.

Most of the team, especially Karen, works from home. I still work full-time in the office since I’m still in training. I’m also the only Black person on the team.

I’ve noticed that whenever Karen comes to the office for meetings (which is rare), she never acknowledges my greetings. If I mention something to her, like, “Oh, that desk isn’t working,” she just stares at me without responding. She has never engaged with me at all.

This made me wonder why.

Out of the blue, I received an invitation to a meeting from Karen. I was puzzled, as I wasn’t sure what it was about, and I was a bit concerned. Eventually, I found out the meeting was sent to the whole team.

Unfortunately, I missed the meeting, but my colleagues told me she announced that she was leaving due to redundancy and was visibly upset.

I felt sorry for her and struggled internally about whether to reach out. I eventually sent her a lighthearted, heartfelt message apologizing for missing the meeting and acknowledging her redundancy. She read it but never replied.

A few days later, she came to the office again. This time, I chose to ignore her entirely—I refuse to allow myself to be ignored as she has done to me in the past. I overheard a colleague talking to her about her redundancy, but I didn’t engage.

Her behavior disgusts me, and I’ve been contemplating the right time to bring this up with John or even Karen herself.

Now, I suspect there may be plans for a send-off party for her. My initial thought is to tell John and the team that while I’m available, I won’t be attending because I find Karen rude, unpleasant, and possibly even racist. Alternatively, I could raise this issue with John or HR when the opportunity arises, though I don’t feel inclined to formally call John into a meeting.

What do you think? Should I simply express my reasons for not attending the send-off, or should I file an official complaint with John or HR? She leaving soon but then it will be on record 🤷🏽‍♀️

Thank you for your input, but as you suggested, I’ll save my energy for those willing to listen. That said, I find it odd that you’re asking how long after the meeting I sent an apology when it’s completely irrelevant to the issue at hand. I sent the message out of kindness, civility, and professionalism—not because I had to, especially given how she has consistently ignored and dismissed me.

Your 20 years of HR experience is noted, but that doesn’t automatically make your interpretation of this situation correct. HR decisions are frequently challenged, overturned, and won—and this is no exception.

I’m sharing my experience as it happened, and I wonder why it’s so hard for you to accept my account as valid. What could I possibly have done to warrant this behavior? She rarely works in the office, and we have minimal contact. Yet every time she’s in, she refuses to acknowledge my greetings or respond when I speak to her, staring blankly as if I’m invisible. Meanwhile, she happily engages with others—both old colleagues and new hires who started after me—all of the same race as her.

What else would you expect me to assume from this consistent pattern of behavior? Should I say she’s simply stressed from her redundancy, and that makes it okay for her to treat me differently? If that’s what you want to hear, I disagree.

To me, her behavior is rude, unprofessional, and indicative of racism. I’m experienced enough to recognize direct and indirect racism when I see it.

Your opinions here have become irrelevant to me, as you’ve chosen to dismiss my experience entirely.

There are always 3 sides to every story: yours, theirs and the truth. ;)

I’ve never lost a tribunal, or had an appeal overturn mine or my team’s advice, so I’m pretty okay on my abilities to identify the gaps in a story.

But best of luck for the future. Probably not worth quite so much angst given she’s leaving, eh. ;)

Is it possible she just simply doesn't like you.
I've read the full thread now and being totally honest, I'm with her.

Thank you for your insight. While I appreciate your confidence in your abilities, it’s important to note that not all experiences can be neatly distilled into “three sides to a story” when it comes to systemic biases or unequal treatment.

I also can’t take your word for it that you’ve never lost at a tribunal or had an appeal overturned—after all, probably all false- & you’ve likely never dealt with a legally competent employee like myself.

This isn’t about “angst” but about addressing behavior I’ve experienced firsthand. Whether or not she’s leaving doesn’t negate the impact of her actions on the workplace dynamic or my professional experience.

I’ll take your wishes for the future with the same tone they were given.

Finally, I would sincerely appreciate it if you stayed away from this thread. Thank you.

Thank you for your honesty. If her behavior stems from simply “not liking me,” that’s still unprofessional, especially in a workplace where mutual respect is expected regardless of personal feelings.

As for you being “with her,” that’s your prerogative, but it doesn’t diminish my experience or the concerns I’ve raised. The core issue here isn’t about being liked but about how biases manifest in workplace interactions and the broader impact they can have.

Finally, I would sincerely appreciate it if you stayed away from this thread. Thank you.

Sadly, that’s not how this site, or the wider internet, works poppet.

Vast majority of the people posting on your thread disagree with you.

I am not going to make excuses about not going to a leaving do. I will say why outrightly maybe not call her racist (but then depends).

This shows you up for who you actually are. 4 months in with zero employment rights. Bold approach, but I suspect it will be you losing out.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. However, four months in a job doesn’t equate to being treated shabbily, and I’m expected to simply accept it. If something is wrong, I will speak out and stand up against it. Everyone’s perspective is valid, but the issue I’m addressing goes beyond personal disagreements—it’s about fairness and respect in the workplace.

By the way, with all due respect, I’ve already asked you to leave this thread. Please respect that request.
Your opinion and input not valid & not wanted stay away

It is very hard to decipher whether her actions are driven by racism or not. It could be that she just doesn't like you.

It’s difficult to say whether her actions are driven by racism or simply personal dislike. Regardless, her behavior is unprofessional, horrible and I’ve experienced it firsthand.

Facts cannot be established with only one viewpoint. Just move on

@tothem I agree, but she's going? There are layers here that are difficult to unravel in this thread alone. You are obviously angry and impacted, your choice of the name Karen demonstrates this. Personally I would be reflective of this and curious of how this may impact how you may relate to others in your team. Only you will know how you related to 'Karen'.

This might be racism, but it might not - you have no evidence, just speculation. I would try to forget the whole thing as she's leaving. I wouldn't go to the send-off party - if you need to give a reason just say that she has never spoken to you and thinks she dislikes you.

@tothem

'As for you being “with her,” that’s your prerogative, but it doesn’t diminish my experience or the concerns I’ve raised. The core issue here isn’t about being liked but about how biases manifest in workplace interactions and the broader impact they can have.'

So you do have awareness of this, it goes both ways, what vibes do you give off? Sometimes when we go around with victimhood vibes, or perhaps we speak about it, people generally steer clear. Only you can be honest with yourself. Having a brief look at this thread, and it's interesting how there does seem to be a leaning in favour towards'karen', what does that tell you?

Who's defending any racist behaviour? The most racist posts I've seen so far in this thread comes from you, OP. I don't go around describing people as the 'white' this and that,

OP can't be racist to white people. Next.

@GoodGollyMsMolly Are you black?

Were you there?

Are you black?

@ToBeOrNotToBee What power does a black woman have over a white woman in the UK?

Are you saying only black people can experience racism, and only white people can be racist?

@ToBeOrNotToBee What power does a black woman have over a white woman in the UK?

Well you see in the UK there are laws protecting anyone against racial discrimination.
Having 'power', whatever the hell that means doesn't translate in the real world.

Now, answer my question please.