Racist manager

[tothem]

My glasses are broken, so please forgive any mistakes—everything is blurry.

I’ve been working for a local council for about four months now. My team is small, consisting of seven members: six of us on the same level and one manager, let’s call him John. John’s manager is Karen.

Most of the team, especially Karen, works from home. I still work full-time in the office since I’m still in training. I’m also the only Black person on the team.

I’ve noticed that whenever Karen comes to the office for meetings (which is rare), she never acknowledges my greetings. If I mention something to her, like, “Oh, that desk isn’t working,” she just stares at me without responding. She has never engaged with me at all.

This made me wonder why.

Out of the blue, I received an invitation to a meeting from Karen. I was puzzled, as I wasn’t sure what it was about, and I was a bit concerned. Eventually, I found out the meeting was sent to the whole team.

Unfortunately, I missed the meeting, but my colleagues told me she announced that she was leaving due to redundancy and was visibly upset.

I felt sorry for her and struggled internally about whether to reach out. I eventually sent her a lighthearted, heartfelt message apologizing for missing the meeting and acknowledging her redundancy. She read it but never replied.

A few days later, she came to the office again. This time, I chose to ignore her entirely—I refuse to allow myself to be ignored as she has done to me in the past. I overheard a colleague talking to her about her redundancy, but I didn’t engage.

Her behavior disgusts me, and I’ve been contemplating the right time to bring this up with John or even Karen herself.

Now, I suspect there may be plans for a send-off party for her. My initial thought is to tell John and the team that while I’m available, I won’t be attending because I find Karen rude, unpleasant, and possibly even racist. Alternatively, I could raise this issue with John or HR when the opportunity arises, though I don’t feel inclined to formally call John into a meeting.

What do you think? Should I simply express my reasons for not attending the send-off, or should I file an official complaint with John or HR? She leaving soon but then it will be on record 🤷🏽‍♀️

Hilarious people on here are saying this isn't racist. Like pls, be for real. This woman is talking to everyone else but OP. They're not even responding when OP speaks to them. Yes, they may not want to befriend a new work colleague, but they are literally ignoring OP and only talking to white people.

Even if it's not conscious on her behalf, it comes across racist. At best, she's just exceptionally rude.

I'm white, btw.

As women, even without 'evidence' sometimes we just know when someone is misogynistic. I trust OP's judgement as a black person here.

@SmalllChange

What I’m saying is, whilst accusing someone of racism is a serious accusation, behaving in a way that has given rise to that accusation is more serious.

An awful lot of racism is insidious and subtle, particularly in the UK. It’s subtly doesn’t make it less racist or harmful to the person the receiving end.

As a Black woman, nothing I have read here suggests racism. Perhaps she just doesn’t like you. Perhaps she has had other things - like redundancy - on her mind.

Oh and nice job naming her Karen 🙄🙄🙄

I don't know whether she is racist or not, although I agree she sounds rather unpleasant. But I would simply "not be able" to attend any party, and not sign the card but also not make a point about it. But, and this may not be palatable, I wouldn't complain. She's leaving, and so the problem is resolved in a way. But unfortunately this won't be the last time you may experience racism in the workplace, as I am sure you are aware. There are always some lurking somewhere. So save your powder for another time. You don't want to be viewed as "that" employee who is "always" complaining about racism. Regrettably some people are racist. and others are just deeply unpleasant. Keep your complaints for a situation that won't resolve so easily.

OP I'm not going to dismiss your concerns, and I can see how this behaviour is very upsetting. I've worked in some toxic environments before and I know the effect it can have on you.

Having said that, do nothing. She's leaving so put it behind you and move on.

My advice is to join a union and consult them should this kind of behaviour continue.

All that is very true.

But I still wouldn't advise the OP to accuse this manager of 'possible' racism with nothing to back that up.

However, the choice is obviously hers.

She's just rude. You can't conclude she's racist. She might be. But who knows?

I think you're right to make zero effort with her from now on.

Some people are just pathetic and have issues that prevent them from behaving like a normal, polite person.

At best, she's just exceptionally rude.

Isn't that what the 'hilarious' people are saying too though?

Or is it only funny when said by them, rather than you?

She's got redundancy on her mind that enables her to respond to others (whites) when they great her and not respond to a me (black) . Not just ones but on several occasions.

That point is interesting

She might be a racist. She might just be an arsehole. There isn't evidence either way in what the OP has posted.

I would however guess that you were hired around the same time she found out she was being made redundant and she cannot be bothered to invest in a new relationship as she is leaving. Or possibly she feels pushed out and pissed off that they are getting rid of a senior whilst hiring a junior- you. So she might just resent you being there in the circumstances.

If she talks to everyone in the office (white) since op has worked there and has ignored op and they are black person. I would say it it was racist behaviour

OP I get it, I think it is subtle racism if she treats you differently than all the rest of the team for no other obvious reasons. However she never said anything racist out loud so it is hard to accuse her. I have experienced something a bit similar. I am not black but of BAME. I have noticed a few times when I queued at a supermarket chechout, the staff were happily chatting with customers before and after me (both white men and women) about random things, very friendly and smily, but when it was my trun I said hi they didnt reply, just scanned the items, didnt tell me the price and didnt say thank you after I have paid, absolutely silent! It felt like racism to me, because they saw me differently, either someone not worth chatting with or they assumed I didnt speak English based on my skin colour. It is easy to call out open racism but it is very hard to talk about subtle racism, because most people will tell you it is not racism.

It may or may not be racism or she may not like you personally. What's your relationship like with the rest of the team? Is anyone else displaying signs of racism? If not, and you're otherwise happy in the job, then I'd not bring it up. "Karen" is leaving and if everything else is good then the problem has sorted itself.

It's horrible and demoralising being ignored like this at work. I had a boss like this, she joined the team after me, and never spoke to me. She would actually walk past me in the street. It used to really upset me, as she would speak away to people beside me. I asked her advice once and she didn't even look at me when she replied!
For clarity, I am white, and I mention this as it could be for something like the fact that you are still new. In my experience, the only reason I could think why the boss was like that was because I was the only team member who worked part time. Perhaps she didn't like that.
She had her favourites - it was like school. She reduced the number of posts and longstanding colleagues had to reapply for their jobs, some of whom didn't get them, and were so upset. After I took voluntary redundancy, she was made to reapply for her job so knew what it felt like - karma.

This. I'm a minority but it disgusts me when people use race card willy nilly. She might just not like you. It happens. Some people are just rude. It's not always about skin colour and race.

I must admit, I can’t see the racial motivations for her not engaging with you from your posts. Would it have made it clear to you that she’s not a raging racist if you saw her talking to another black person? I’m sorry, I can’t see the immediate racist element here and you are perhaps at risk of pathologising things. There are some colleagues I’ve found to be frosty with me, and totally friendly with others, and that’s white on white stuff. Maybe she just didn’t like you, but she sounds as though she had more personal issues going on that were more about her than you. Or she could be a massive racist, but now you’ll never be able to find out!

If you start saying people are racist without any evidence you will be the one known as a trouble causer, banging the racist drum.

What exactly is "banging the racist drum"? Is it like playing the racist card?
ie utter nonsense and the kind of things people who are racist and/or have no idea what racism is say

Yeah, that's the thing about a lot of racism; it's often unconscious, subliminal, and in the form of micro-aggressions that are difficult to call out. Unless you have experienced it, it's hard to understand. Your feelings are valid

I lost all interest when you called her Karen tbh.

Oh fucking please. I grew up in a country where people hated my race. We couldn't even keep our ethnic names and celebrate our holidays. It was that bad! I know what racism is and I hate people who keep using the race card. And it works both ways. Calling people Karen, gammon is just nasty and racist.

Yep. Me too

Well she chats and respond willingly & happily so another white last hired after me

I get along with all other members & they are fantastic props

She does nog have time to invest in people because she knows leaving does not make sense as if that's the case, why is she talking to the white girl employed after me

You know what it means to call someone a Karen…?

She sounds horrible to work with, thankfully she is leaving. I think I would not engage further with her leaving and build relationships with more pleasant colleagues.