Told by boss to stop hugging in the office

[Ilovechcolatealways]

Evening all

I have been working at my current job for over 20 years so have built good relationships with most colleagues
I consider it part of my personality to hug certain colleagues. I usually hug hello / goodbye but sometimes also during the working day

We work in a stressful environment, therefore some days are worse than others and I like a hug to relieve stress !!!

Today I was called into an office by my boss and told that I must stop hugging in the workplace and it is not the 'done' thing at work.

In all of my time there, I have NEVER been told / asked to stop doing this.

The recipient's of the hugs always reciprocate the hug and none have ever told me they are uncomfortable with them. Obviously if they were then I would stop immediately and apologise. I have read our policies today and nowhere does it state that hugging is not allowed and I really don't want to stop.

Can anyone offer advice on how I can handle this ???

Not wanting to be hugged at work doesn't make someone an 'anti-hugger'.

DanielaDressen · Today 21:57

If your boss hasn’t had an issue before then someone has complained.

This. I’d say WTF are you doing now, at 60. 40 years ago, I wouldn’t have had the nerve.
Just stop it. It’s not hard.

I don’t like hugs, and only now - at 45 - have I mastered the art of intercepting the hug politely. I love tactile people and I’d hate to make you/a hugger feel weird, but it also feels weird to be hugged/have to request not to be hugged (if that makes sense) at work.

You seem so nice, so I’m just sharing my experience of not liking hugs but spending decades rolling with huggers to not hurt their feelings. I’m pretty sure they thought I liked them too!

I wouldn’t like to be hugged at work. Someone has complained. If it were me I would ask you to stop directly.

Wish I worked with more people like you x
Maybe I should move to France 🤣

This is great advice, take it on board.
I wouldn't want to be hugged at work, unless I was really upset to the point of crying.

And I would absolutely accept that - I don't want to hug someone who genuinely doesn't want me to

Someone has complained

I also work in quite a stressful situation type job too and some of us are huggers and others are not.
I love a hug, although if it was a creepy bloke it might be different.

🤣🤣
Point taken

Agreed
I promise I'm not a creepy bloke

Stop hugging and grab their arses instead.

If someone hugs me I would hug them back and hate every second of it but not know how to say please don't without upsetting them. If it was regular and unending hugs like you describe i would have to leave the job or ask manager to politely ask them to stop hugging.

I do tent to drop into conversation I'm not a hugger if possible but it's rarely relevant in conversations before people start with the hugging then you feel uncomfortable saying it. I know of a few people who respond they hate it too when I say it and I have seen them endure hugs at social meet ups along side me when a hugger arrives/leaves.

You just need to stop. You need to accept not everyone is comfortable telling you get get the hell out of their personal space

One of my colleagues hugs all the time and I find it so weird. I find it uncomfortable because I'm worrying that's it's me next.

Went to a former workplace today and hugged just about everyone I hadn’t seen in 8 years, but day to day, I’d be horrified if someone tried to hug me (yes, yes, I know, double standards). It’s a bit over the top, imo, to hug someone you see weekly/daily. Clearly someone has complained.

Some of the men are quite fit - I might just do that
(JOKE)

Understood !!
However, I do NOT hug new staff or people I don't know very well
However as I said before, I will stop all the hugging 😢

Years ago I worked in a shop. One of the staff was French and said it was customary to kiss each member of staff hello and goodbye every day in a previous job in France. Imagine the scenes if this happened to mumsnetters!

We've obviously got a much more buttoned up professional culture over on the British side of the channel!

This has reminded me of someone I know that hugs with impunity. She’ll say ‘I’m a hugger’ as she looms in on someone she’s just been introduced to, as if that makes it ok.

I find huggers assume others like or at least accept it. It’s often a horrible thing to endure and I wish people wouldn’t assume it’s ok.

Haven't we just - sadly

I bet your workplace will update their professional boundaries training soon 😂

I definitely don't assume it's ok and I don't hug random visitors / new starters

I am very self aware and will take all of the comments on board

Me too. I'm just not huggish, I would feel really uncomfortable.

Just for me....

You do sound close to the team, and 20yrs is a long time. Has the manager changed? Outside of work I'm not a hugger, neither are the rest of my team to be honest. But we work in quite a specialised area of health Care, with young people dying frequently so we absolutely just know when each other needs a hug and a cup of tea just sitting in silence with each other. Hugs are a daily thing for us. But there are only 6 and we are all very close outside work. I think we are trauma bonded 😅