Told by boss to stop hugging in the office

[Ilovechcolatealways]

Evening all

I have been working at my current job for over 20 years so have built good relationships with most colleagues
I consider it part of my personality to hug certain colleagues. I usually hug hello / goodbye but sometimes also during the working day

We work in a stressful environment, therefore some days are worse than others and I like a hug to relieve stress !!!

Today I was called into an office by my boss and told that I must stop hugging in the workplace and it is not the 'done' thing at work.

In all of my time there, I have NEVER been told / asked to stop doing this.

The recipient's of the hugs always reciprocate the hug and none have ever told me they are uncomfortable with them. Obviously if they were then I would stop immediately and apologise. I have read our policies today and nowhere does it state that hugging is not allowed and I really don't want to stop.

Can anyone offer advice on how I can handle this ???

OP… why can’t you accept that it’s uncomfortable for someone in a professional setting in the middle of the office to say ‘please don’t hug me’. It’s great your son’s gf was able to say this to you but a professional setting is different.

You seem determined to think this is just a random thing that boss decided to come out with off the back of nothing.

Just to note, if I sensed at all that the hugs were not wanted / the person was uncomfortable then of course I would stop and not be offended at all.

Sorry OP - you have to look at yourself with a clear eye here.

Just imagine a middle-aged man saying this, and how creepy and controlling most people would find it. It's exactly the kind of thing that those kind of men DO say, and the (almost always) younger women who are the target of the hugs might feel very differently but be afraid that telling him to his face that they didn't actually like it AT ALL.

And, to that man, they might very well look as though they wanted all those lovely hugs.

A good boss would step in and deal with it - even if those younger women hadn't complained, for fear of it impacting their futures or making a difficult atmosphere.

Good idea - I shall use that

Please stop hugging people it is not professional and I would absolutely hate it. It is not "part of your personality" it is uninvited physical contact and absolutely not something you should be doing

Someone has complained

Not that I'm a fan of being either man- or woman-handled in the workplace, but that creates a strange atmosphere where a certain circle is so close that they do hugs whilst everybody else is just 'there' and not one of your chosen few.

A lady I worked with was a daily hugger. I always reciprocated warmly as I didn’t want to offended her. But I hated it!! Urgh it makes me cringe just thinking about it. Every damn morning, in she would waltz arms outstretched!

Your boss is right, OP. You are behaving in a very unprofessional way. It shouldn't need to be spelled out, or written into a policy. If you want to hug your friends, that's fine - but do it outside the office, please.

How to handle it? Just stop doing it.
Nobody needs to be hugging routinely at work.

Maybe someone complained because you weren’t hugging them and they felt left out😉
equal opportunities xxx (hugs)

seriously try not to worry, it’s nice that you are a warm person (I occasionally hug a colleague when it’s needed)

Thankyou xx

@Ilovechcolatealways I'm with you. Love a workplace hug. In my job it is just needed sometimes. This one's just for you.....

I hugged a girl back from my mat leave today. Id never hug people hello and goodbye in work, or normally during the day.

It’s not the done thing OP, and some people (me!) aren’t massively keen on being hugged.

The only time I have ever hugged at work was very strangely just this Sept. I had resigned from my job, been there 5 years, no best friends, worked well with everyone. The final week was emotional - literally got and gave hugs to many members of staff. It was strange. They knew I had done a great job for them over the years and just wanted to tell me I would be missed. Never had that anywhere before. But that was a one-off. I wouldn't have liked it normally.

Love that x

Just stop doing it. It's likely that one or more of the colleagues has told the boss they're uncomfortable with it. It's unprofessional and not appropriate in the workplace.

I'm assuming your manager has said this as new sexual harassment legislation came into law 28th October and your employer is being ultra cautious because of it, as there's a risk the hugs are unwelcome

Unless this is a job where you’re dealing with life and death or really awful situations, I think hugs are unprofessional and your manager is right to ask you not to hug any more. I suspect that somebody you hug has anonymously complained and they feel too awkward to tell you.

I wasn't aware of this so thankyou.

I shall stop the hugging (unless someone asks)

I'd help some of my colleagues to hide a body. But I wouldn't hug them. That's just weird.

There are lots of anti huggers on this thread, and I never liked being hugged until i was suddenly bereaved, and needed a hug.
I was in Paris during the Olympics, and was charmed by people greeting each other by kisses on both cheeks, genuinely happy to be in each others company, even at CDG airport there were staff members kissing each other to say goodbye when their shift ended. I found it heartwarming, a completely different culture and way of life. I don't suppose the airport officials mind as long as the job's done, it's part of French culture.
No advice OP, but maybe to ask people if they want a hug? I would say yes.

You sound really lovely op but I’m glad you’ve taken the gist of the advice on board. I hate being hugged but you’d never guess as I’d smile and hug you back as I wouldn’t want to be awkward at work. So please don’t think that you can assume that all your hug-ees are happy with the hugging!

I worked in an office where two of the men were huggers and air kissers - it was always the women they hugged. We all hated it, but were too polite to say so. I was so happy when Covid came along and they had to stop! Indeed I was so happy not to have to hug or shake hands with anyone at all. Bliss! I did hope it would last forever, but apparently not. If you only hug your friends in the office, maybe the other staff don't like the constant PDAs. Anyway, good to hear you'll be stopping from now on. And never underestimate just how polite some people will outwardly be - you think you can tell if someone doesn't like being hugged, but they may be just submitting to your embrace with something like good grace while thinking 'fuck off fuck off fuck off'

Can sometimes be close to life / death situations so as I said can be very stressful / upsetting

I was in the doctors and a receptionist had finished her shift , she hugged and kissed all the staff as she left