Told by boss to stop hugging in the office

[Ilovechcolatealways]

Evening all

I have been working at my current job for over 20 years so have built good relationships with most colleagues
I consider it part of my personality to hug certain colleagues. I usually hug hello / goodbye but sometimes also during the working day

We work in a stressful environment, therefore some days are worse than others and I like a hug to relieve stress !!!

Today I was called into an office by my boss and told that I must stop hugging in the workplace and it is not the 'done' thing at work.

In all of my time there, I have NEVER been told / asked to stop doing this.

The recipient's of the hugs always reciprocate the hug and none have ever told me they are uncomfortable with them. Obviously if they were then I would stop immediately and apologise. I have read our policies today and nowhere does it state that hugging is not allowed and I really don't want to stop.

Can anyone offer advice on how I can handle this ???

I'd say someone has mentioned to the boss that they don't like being hugged.. they probably felt too awkward to approach you personally. There's a woman at my work who constantly hugs people and tbh I find it uncomfortable... I don't feel strongly enough about it to make a thing of it or go to a manager but I do wish she'd stop and have told her I'm not really a 'huggy' person 😬

I've had to talk to family on my teen dd's behalf as she can't bear to hug. They were all very surprised and a bit upset/offended and some have tried to "force" her into it. I put my foot down and they've stopped but they honestly wouldn't have known how much it distressed her if she hadn't come to me to handle it for her.

I suspect the same has happened at your work.

🤣🤣

Very good point - I shall stop the hugging unless someone asks - then it's allowed

we had an old creep who stank of cigarettes and he would come very close to me - i left that creepy job and their whole creepy kitchen

@Ilovechcolatealways I am afraid you have overstepped a boundary. As a colleague, I'd have sidestepped you years ago. As a boss I'd have told you to stop immediately.

I think you also need to consider that it may not be a hugee that has complained, but one of the people that doesn’t get hugged. It may be that they feel marginalised or on the outside of a clique, thay you hug everyone but them, or it might be someone who feels incredibly uncomfortable seeing you hug others in a professional (?) work environment or it may be someone else who isn’t in the office regularly, such as senior management or a client/customer?

I am not a hugger, I hate people who I am not very very comfortable touching me in any way (ptsd) and I make this very very clear in as friendly a way as I can when I meet new people or start a new job, but it’s taken me a while to feel comfortable doing this and can see how someone may feel they have to go along with it.

Also, big yes to a PP post about the new harassment legislation.

My son's girlfriend is also not a hugger and has expressed that to me - guess what ?? We don't hug

You hug hello, goodbye and sometimes in between every single day? That is three hugs too many for some people, myself included. Over 20 years that is too much hugging to calculate.

Nobody is going to tell you mid-hug that they are uncomfortable because they are probably frozen with awkwardness. They have done the right thing and asked the boss to tell you to stop. So now you must stop. You can’t insist on carrying on just because you like it.

I don't want to pile on you OP but just to give you a different perspective. I don't really like being hugged but will reciprocate the hug because I feel pressured to. People are very unlikely to tell you directly that they don't want a hug.

HR here. Stop hugging at work. It’s an invasion of personal space and your colleagues will feel unable to tell you how uncomfortable you are making them as they won’t want to risk damaging the work relationship. Stop touching your colleagues. It’s not appropriate.

Your reaction says it all. You aren’t happy you’ve been told to stop hugging. You say you can tell if people don’t want a hug, but that’s not true. You want the hug. They clearly don’t. Get a throw cushion or something. Hug that.

I’m reading your comment ‘if they ask then it’s allowed’. No. Stop it. You just mean that you will start asking to see if people want a hug. They do not. It’s a level of needy that’s very unprofessional.

Would you be happy to state the field you work in? I am trying to imagine somewhere that it was ever appropriate to hug multiple times a day.

As a nurse we do this a lot after tough days....I find it weird

Sorry! They are just so........ touchy shudders.
And you have to be so close to people to do it. And (and I realise this is the essence of a hug) your body is pressed against them. It's just so ugh.
Quite aside from the self conscious panic of am I sweaty and do I have bad breath.

Sorry should add weird that you have been asked not to

It's very unprofessional.

Unless you have a very close personal relationship with a colleague, it's just not appropriate. Even then I wouldn't hug them in the workplace.

I work with lovely people - lovely, kind, funny, clever, witty people who I hope I will stay friends with (I have lifelong friends from my previous jobs). I really really don’t want a hug from any one of them. Shudder. I would fucking LOATHE this in my workplace. It’s not about the character of the hugger, I just can’t stand that kind of thing at work. Gross.

How bizarre

hug a tree maybe

I would hate someone at work or anywhere, to invade my personal space by hugging me uninvited. One person, or maybe even a few people, have obviously complained about you. You say you've been doing this for many years, then you've been lucky not to be reprimanded about it before now. It's just not acceptable behaviour anymore, people used to just put up and shut up about unwelcome touching/comments etc in the workplace but thank goodness things have changed. It's very unprofessional and I bet most of your colleagues cringe and brace themselves when they see you approaching with your arms outstretched. I'm sorry if I sound harsh and you obviously don't intend to upset people but please just stop, that's how you handle it!

I would absolutely hate if a colleague hugged me at work.

I would be the person who cmwould my ti my manager "can you ask her to cut out that shit before I have to go to HR"

It's a complete invasion of space and you are very mistaken if you think someone hasn't raised it with your boss.

Won't say the field I work in but it is a large open plan office and we all get on / have a laugh / go out on nights out (some of us)
I get on with most of the people there and honestly if I thought someone was uncomfortable then I would definitely not hug them.

I don't think I'm expressing myself very well - I don't walk around the office hugging everyone, there are maybe 4/5 people that I hug and we are quite close.

I am naturally a very tactile person but also understand peoples boundaries

Unless it’s my husband, kids or one very close friend, I really hate hugging.

I have a colleague that I’m very close to and he hugs me every time I see him in the office. I feel uncomfortable due to my dislike of hugging and also, it feels really inappropriate in the office. He’s so nice though, I don’t want to offend him.

I’d quite like an organisation wide diktat - ‘no hugging!’ just to get me out of it.

Just stop

It's incredibly unprofessional
It could easily be seen as favouring some people over others
It makes you seem needy of validation & wanting to be the centre of attention.

A lot of people don't like being hugged or would find being hugged in a work situation disconcerting & unprofessional

I've misjudged a hug before, OP. It was my last day and working in healthcare, we were a close knit team. Everyone was hugging me goodbye. One colleague came over to say bye and I instantly put my arms around her to give her a hug. It was at that moment, I couldn't feel her arms around me and realised she's not a hugger! I got my hands off her as quickly and nonchalantly as possible. I still cringe thinking about it!

But yeah, chill out with the hugs from now on. If you feel awkward about going from being super hugger to none at all, and someone puts their arms out to hug you, say you think you're coming down with a cold and best not.

You clearly don’t understand their boundaries because at least one of them has complained about you!