Told by boss to stop hugging in the office

[Ilovechcolatealways]

Evening all

I have been working at my current job for over 20 years so have built good relationships with most colleagues
I consider it part of my personality to hug certain colleagues. I usually hug hello / goodbye but sometimes also during the working day

We work in a stressful environment, therefore some days are worse than others and I like a hug to relieve stress !!!

Today I was called into an office by my boss and told that I must stop hugging in the workplace and it is not the 'done' thing at work.

In all of my time there, I have NEVER been told / asked to stop doing this.

The recipient's of the hugs always reciprocate the hug and none have ever told me they are uncomfortable with them. Obviously if they were then I would stop immediately and apologise. I have read our policies today and nowhere does it state that hugging is not allowed and I really don't want to stop.

Can anyone offer advice on how I can handle this ???

Maybe someone you aren't hugging got jealous & complained and now no hugs for anyone 😆

Honestly though, it may not be. It may be that they’ve resigned themselves that you are going to want a hug, and feigning willingness to go along with that is vastly easier than asking you to stop.

I mean, obviously we don’t know. But neither do you! I can very easily imagine, in my younger and less assertive days, thinking, “okay here she comes. Arms out, let’s get it over with” and telling myself “it’s fine” despite the fact I absolutely would have preferred not to.

Another vote for giving up the hugging. I’d bet that your colleagues have been enduring it rather than enjoying it. Have you had any new starters recently? If so, maybe one of them has complained.

Employers now have more responsibility than ever before to prevent sexual harassment in the workplace, perhaps that’s why they’ve asked you to stop.

I and plenty of others wouldn’t want to be hugged by a work colleague. If I was, I may reluctantly gently reciprocate so as not to cause awkwardness (once). Don’t do it for two reasons. One, because it’s inappropriate in the work place and two, because your boss has told you not to. Bear in mind your Boss has a duty of care to all her/his staff. I’m retired now, but when I was working I would have addressed this with my staff just as your Boss has with you.

I would absolutely hate this, so sorry YABU

Nah, as the saying goes “the fact that you believe something does not make it true”. You believe you understand people’s boundaries, but based on your posts here, I don’t think you do at all!

This post has made me really sad. I am also not a hugger but if I meet someone who is, and is genuine, then good on them: bring it on.
I am pretty sure the OP can sense who is, and is not, up for it.
Life just became that little more joyless now she has been asked not to I reckon.

Also, if your manager is new, she might have had a bad experience of it previously.
Please don't make a thing of it either, ie, mentioning loudly that you'd love to give someone a hug but aren't allowed.....

Let it go and hug outside of work if you're ao close.

Thankyou, totally agree x

Already done, thankyou
No thing was made of it and I've stopped the hugging 🤗

It’s sad

but in the current climate of sexual harassment I would stop

Hugging at work is indeed inappropriate.

Based on the opening remark of the post "Evening All" I'm guessing you must work in a Police Station?

In which case I don't think 'hugging' would be appropriate. Well, except maybe with the Custody Sergent, they do have a very difficult job, but certainly not with any 'detained people' - even if they are a bit upset.

Beware of hugging an Police Dogs though, as when they are 'on duty' they may not respond positively to it - but if you feel you HAVE to, then please ensure you wear those big padded arm things.

Have you ever reflected on your need for all this hugging? You can argue that it’s just ‘warm and friendly’ but you must agree it is neither the norm nor professional.

Also - there are many things not written into company policies that are just ‘understood’ by society at large eg. don’t pick your nose in public!

I am sure you are a lovely warm (possibly needy) person that obviously cares what others think - and now you’re being told.

I hope your feelings aren’t hurt - sometimes we just need some guidance or to recalibrate. As you said you’ve been doing this for years; times have changed.

This is not intended as unkind in any way, just a thought, alongside a hug for you.

What do you mean ‘you really don’t want to stop?’😂 just stop hugging people!

Wouldn't you indicate that you don't like to be hugged first though, before going to HR?

This was the suggested post after yours OP😅 https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4868759-whats-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-coworker-to-stop-hugging-me

Don't work for the police but this made me laugh, thankyou 🤣

Thanks and just to reiterate the first and would be the only time someone says / acts / gives the impression that they don't like hugs - I would NEVER hug them again.

But as I already said, faire la bise in French workplaces isn’t a sign of particular friendliness or affection or warmheartedness or not being ‘buttoned up’, it’s as formal and token as a handshake. Colleagues who loathe one another do it.

I formally kiss my Parisian friend’s ultra-formal, 90 year old mother when I see her while visiting him, because it’s ‘correct’, not because we’re on particularly close or affectionate terms. Two bises, because we’re in Paris. Three bises with my other French friend’s’ parents, who are from the south.

Exactly, it's more akin to a British handshake

Hugging just isn't part of professional office culture. And rightly so. It protects people from allegations and protects people from feeling uncomfortable.

Just be aware you would NEVER know from my reaction that I wasn’t happy with it because I’m too polite to embarrass you. Most women are very good at masking how we really feel in public interactions. I also wouldn’t be mad at you or annoyed or criticise you because I’m sure you’re lovely. I’d just wish you wouldn’t touch me!

(If you were a man I’d make it clear. But not another woman I actually like).

Life just became that little more joyless now she has been asked not to I reckon.
Oh, ffs. Not for the ones who objected to being mauled several times a day.