Told by boss to stop hugging in the office

[Ilovechcolatealways]

Evening all

I have been working at my current job for over 20 years so have built good relationships with most colleagues
I consider it part of my personality to hug certain colleagues. I usually hug hello / goodbye but sometimes also during the working day

We work in a stressful environment, therefore some days are worse than others and I like a hug to relieve stress !!!

Today I was called into an office by my boss and told that I must stop hugging in the workplace and it is not the 'done' thing at work.

In all of my time there, I have NEVER been told / asked to stop doing this.

The recipient's of the hugs always reciprocate the hug and none have ever told me they are uncomfortable with them. Obviously if they were then I would stop immediately and apologise. I have read our policies today and nowhere does it state that hugging is not allowed and I really don't want to stop.

Can anyone offer advice on how I can handle this ???

Don't touch people unless they have clearly indicated that they would welcome the physical contact. Your colleagues are not stress relief dolls.

This! You're so over the top with the hugging OP that your son felt the need to prewarn someone, who was about to come into contact with you, that you'd definitely want to invade their personal space unless explicitly told not to. That's madness he had to do that. I've known/met loads of huggers, the ones who it's part of their manners to gently and softly, momentarily hug someone they've met and gotten along with goodbye. Nobody has ever thought to warn me first, because it's basically not a big deal even though I'm not a hugger. There's hardly any bodily contact involved, it's the hug equivalent of air kissing. You mentioned hugging to de-stress throughout the day. Are you doing those big squishy bear hugs where the other person is basically crushed against you? I can see someone needing to warn about that. It's totally inappropriate with someone you're not in some form of close relationship with. You say people like it but how do you find that out? Unless you're asking first, some people are enduring at least one hug too many before you find out they don't like it. I'd never expect to be hugged at work either.

Always do - as I have stated the hugs are always reciprocated

@StopTalkingPlease
@starbat

Over reaction much ffs !!!
I don't have a gun to these peoples heads !!
I don't force myself on anyone....
I'm not creepy
They are ALWAYS reciprocated
I'm very easy to talk to
I take criticism well but your comments are absolute bollox
I have a great relationship with my sons girlfriend, thankyou

How is it possible these people are “clearly indicating” that they want you to hug them?

Arms outstretched towards me
I would say that it is a clear indication that they are not uncomfortable and welcome the hug

Or maybe they are trying to fend you off.

Don’t you think someone has complained? I don’t think this is OK in the office BTW.

Our church congregation does it and I try and get out quickly

It may be a bit much if you're hugging multiple coworkers 3+ times during every working day.

I suspect as others have said someone's perhaps said to management they find it uncomfortable.

But how you'll need to handle it is to stop hugging at work. Bar perhaps if there was a celebration or a reason someone was upset.

Highly likely 😁
No way people randomly approach you multiple times per day with their arms outstretched, looking for a hug.
Stop it, op, this just doesn’t happen.

She reckons because they hug her back instead of yelling "ewww get off me!" it means they like it. Doubt she's ever asked anyone first before hugging them the first time else her son wouldn't have had to warn his GF about it.

You still need to stop!

With flu, Covid, and RSV out there you should not be in close contact with so many people. You could become Typhoid Mary.

Unwanted Frottage is the reason I do not go out on NYE, as long as it is not an excuse for Frotting it’s ok.

I think @Ilovechcolatealways that irrespective of whether you enjoy hugs and people usually seemingly reciprocate, the workplace really isn’t an appropriate setting.

I think this has become a habitual thing for you, and while your intentions are genuinely well-placed, there are an awful lot of people who would deem it strange and inappropriate.

There may be some of those very people, with arms outstretched, who may be wishing for it to be over knowing that you’re going in for ‘the hug’. I appreciate that this may be hard to hear. I just think it’s telling that you seek comfort from coworkers at times of stress. It’s also worrying that you actually looked up the employee handbook to explicitly look for hugging. I appreciate that YOU like them (and hugging is great) but there is a time and a place.

Irrespective of how open you feel everyone is, you have been pulled aside by management to stop so stop you must. I think it’s really important to use this as an opportunity to assess how you interact with people and are really, truly respecting their unspoken boundaries.

And this doesn’t make you a bad person! It’s just a good opportunity to reassess boundaries and what is appropriate in and out of a workplace environment irrespective of how long you’ve been there. If a guy was doing what you’re doing he would be absolutely flamed.

Very well written and appreciated, thankyou

People would automatically do this when they see you approaching OP as they know you're probably about to hug them.

Like others have said, nothing wrong with being a hugger, but in a workplace, most would feel awkward saying no to you directly.

I remember a friend's teenage daughter hugging her best friend's dad, whom she'd known since she was in nursery.
Arms wide with a big smile, but as she was in the hug, facing me, she made a face.

Mentioned it to her mum, who had a talk with her.

She admitted she didn't like being hugged by all her friends dads, her uncles etc.
She'd never felt she could refuse the hugs as it would be rude.
She's now good at dodging them.

Nowhere does it state hugging isn't allowed..but l bet it says unwelcome physical contact isn't allowed...

There will be some relieved colleagues at work now that you have decided to stop hugging them.
Good decision.

WTF why are you hugging people at work? I find that weird. You need to stop.

The French might air kiss cheeks but they DO NOT hug.

Just stop hugging people. Some people (by that I mean me), don't want to be hugged thank you very much!

I think the bIgger problem is the people you've been excluding. Sounds like you think you're the Queen Bee wafting around hugging your chosen few. Get on with your work rather than thinking you're some kind of hugging guru

So in fact, it's them hugging you? Have the "arms outstretched" brigade all been told to stop "clearly indicating" they want your hugs?

You're clearly the victim here OP, you should be free to work without all the these arms outstretched zombies assailing you every where you turn