Told by boss to stop hugging in the office

[Ilovechcolatealways]

Evening all

I have been working at my current job for over 20 years so have built good relationships with most colleagues
I consider it part of my personality to hug certain colleagues. I usually hug hello / goodbye but sometimes also during the working day

We work in a stressful environment, therefore some days are worse than others and I like a hug to relieve stress !!!

Today I was called into an office by my boss and told that I must stop hugging in the workplace and it is not the 'done' thing at work.

In all of my time there, I have NEVER been told / asked to stop doing this.

The recipient's of the hugs always reciprocate the hug and none have ever told me they are uncomfortable with them. Obviously if they were then I would stop immediately and apologise. I have read our policies today and nowhere does it state that hugging is not allowed and I really don't want to stop.

Can anyone offer advice on how I can handle this ???

I hate being hugged. Hurts my boobs.

Then there's the fact that I've three friends with COVID.

And being able to smell someone in close proximity after a stressful day at work - 🧐

Someone's quietly complained and asked them to have a word. Let it go.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4868759-whats-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-coworker-to-stop-hugging-me

I've got two people in my life (that I don't see often) that are huggers. I really don't like hugging unless with my kids and other half. With others it makes me very uncomfortable, and I can often feel an 'imprint' for ages (weird, I know). I don't know how to broach it with them as I like them both, they're lovely, and I know it would sadden them. If I had people at work hugging me regularly... 😬

Someone has complained - just stop, it's very much a 'you' thing ... I get on with most, but loath huggers ... it's very much over stepping personal boundaries

For the love of all that’s holy stop hugging your colleagues.

I would hug you back out of politeness but I would be very uncomfortable with this. It’s not their job to hug you better at the end of the day.

I have worked with some of my colleagues for decades and I have had precisely one hug and it was from a colleague when I had received devastating news. I am sure that there is somebody you are hugging who absolutely hates it. I don't think that except under exceptional circumstances it is acceptable behaviour (and for what it's worth) I am not autistic.

???

its not optional. the end

😂

Yes, this whole thread is a bit cancel the cheque, was my thought too 😁
OP, has anyone told you they don't like hugging yet and to stop?! 😁

😭
Aw now I just feel sorry for your hugger 💔

I'm very autistic and love hugs, so pipe down. That's why during COVID I was hugging my colleagues, because that was the only way I was getting human contact. Figured I work with them all the time so if I caught it off them at least it would be worth it. I now work somewhere else and one of the ladies I worked with in my old job died a couple of years ago, but there's someone I still see there who always gives me a hug.

I've checked the policies and there is NOTHING TO SAY YOU CAN'T!!!

Maybe someone who wants a hug feels like they are missing out. My friend was recently shafted at work in the professional sense and when colleagues found out they all gave her hugs and not the arsehole who shafted and undermined her. She said it was lovely and felt like solidarity.

Its very common in nursing. If you are having a tough day or hvent seen close colleagues for a few weeks or if someone is leaving. I'm not a hugger really but a but fan of an arm rub or shoulder squeeze if someone is having a tough shift. I guess it's different because we are touching patients all day and the use of appropriate touch is well discussed.

I'm not a hugger day to day but I've just moved to a much more professional, clinical less warm post and I really miss my last setting!

Ahhh OP, glad you've taken the advice on board.

I am a hugger. I hug a couple of people at work, but absolutely not every day. If either of us has been away for a while, or something is going on personally we will (we are friends as well as colleagues so know each others lives).

I'd be happy to hug every day but I'm aware it might be excluding and uncomfortable to others in the office, so I'm quite careful around it.

I put the 'oh I'm a hugger' right up there with the
' we're such an outdoorsy family' , ' oh I always cook every meal from scratch', 'oh I barely watch any TV, ever' wanky people. It's an 'I'm better than you and one day you'll realise it' thing. Michelle Obama ( who I think is great) called herself 'hugger in chief'. Meghan Markle made hugging a huge part of her personality . I hate it. A simple hello is quite sufficient. I'm NT, I'm perfectly friendly and will always ways make an effort to put new people at ease in say groups I am part of. I do not want to be touched ( particularly by men). You're a hugger. You think everyone else would like it if only they were as fabulous as you. They are just as fabulous. They don't need you to touch them.

Your boss is right, it’s not professional. And I bet one or two people have had a quiet word about it making them uncomfortable and not feeling able to stop you, and that’s why your boss raised it.

You've been given a reasonable instruction so.you must follow it.
Sounds like so.ebody has co.ained, abd rightly. You boss has taken action.

How weird, going round hugging people like its normal.

You obviously have trouble reading the room op.

I'm seeing Martha from that Reindeer show every time I read OP's comments

stop hugging people. i would return a hug out of embarrassment but feel very uncomfortable. it's unnecessary and weird.

In all of my time there, I have NEVER been told / asked to stop doing this

Well you have now so pack it in.

I can't stand all this hugging stuff. It makes me really uncomfortable. I don't agree that huggers can sense when you are uncomfortable with it - at least in my case some people keep doing it even when all my body language says I hate it.
It's very hard to say to someone "Please stop hugging me, I'm not comfortable with it". It should be easy to say that but it isn't because of the personality types who hug.

Oh, I don’t think it’s quite the same. Whether someone else is outdoorsy, watches TV, or is good at cooking makes no difference to me, but a hug needs someone else in order to happen. And while I’m a friendly, neurotypical person, I don’t appreciate being co-opted into some performance someone else views as a central plank of their identity as a ‘hugger’.

And you know who self-identifies as a ‘hugger’? Lotso, the evil teddy bear who runs the daycare centre like a gulag in Toy Story 3.

A bit harsh I feel !!
Absolutely do not think I'm better than anyone else although I am fabulous and enjoy a hug - it makes me (and the recipient) feel better

Although, again, I understand that it is no longer appropriate in the workplace 😃

Can read a room perfectly well, thankyou
If I thought for one second that the other person was uncomfortable then I would stop
However, as stated lots of times now it is not welcomed in the workplace so I shall stop

Within our staff guidebook it is clear that physical contact with staff members is never appropriate and this does include hugging and arm holding even hand round shoulders. I understand to an extent where you are coming from OP, but limiting physical contact is normal office practice IMV.