Told by boss to stop hugging in the office

[Ilovechcolatealways]

Evening all

I have been working at my current job for over 20 years so have built good relationships with most colleagues
I consider it part of my personality to hug certain colleagues. I usually hug hello / goodbye but sometimes also during the working day

We work in a stressful environment, therefore some days are worse than others and I like a hug to relieve stress !!!

Today I was called into an office by my boss and told that I must stop hugging in the workplace and it is not the 'done' thing at work.

In all of my time there, I have NEVER been told / asked to stop doing this.

The recipient's of the hugs always reciprocate the hug and none have ever told me they are uncomfortable with them. Obviously if they were then I would stop immediately and apologise. I have read our policies today and nowhere does it state that hugging is not allowed and I really don't want to stop.

Can anyone offer advice on how I can handle this ???

I am a workplace hugger but only on occasion and usually asking beforehand “can I give you a hug?” Hugs come out usually in congratulation (eg someone is pregnant) or when someone is leaving or coming back after a long time away/we’re friends and haven’t seen each other for ages. I would probably do more but I’ve worked with some brilliant people who just hate being touched (and have complained to me about other people being too tactile) so I’ve realised that it’s a thing that is very personal as to whether it’s wanted or not.

I don’t think you have to give up any hugs but I’d keep it a bit more sparing.

I would hate that. Stop hugging people in the workplace, it really isn’t appropriate.

This may be on the back of the new requirement for employers to have a risk assessment on prevention of sexual harassment.

You clearly have no idea how it makes the recipient feel, op, when you’ve been told to knock it off.
There’ll be a very good reason you’ve been advised to stop it.

Yeah I agree but also interesting to see PP reflecting some of my colleagues’ experience that actually many people at work are FRIENDS and that physical contact of the occasional hug means a lot esp for those who live alone.

nowhere does it state that hugging is not allowed and I really don't want to stop.

You really don't want to, but you've been told to, so if you have any sense you'll stop.

If after all this time you've been pulled up on it, it's more than likely there's been a complaint.

You still don't understand how inappropriate and pathetic it is though which is worrying.

I mean we all wfh as a team, but on the odd occasion we manage to get together we all hug hello!

I'm not sure we would daily in an office, but I don't see it as unprofessional unless it's being forced on someone.

That’s not very kind.

Op you’re STILL insisting that you’d know if someone didn’t like it.

you wouldn’t. That’s what both power and social conditioning does.

Your insistence that you know what’s what despite so many people telling you how they feel about it is actually quite unpleasant and narcissistic

@LuluBlakey1

Please can you explain why it is pathetic ???

Obviously I understand the inappropriate comment but pathetic ??? I don't agree

@thestudio

Only people on MN have stated this. In real life it hasn't happened

Agreed

The hugging must be noticeable enough that someone, somewhere has complained about it. Whether it’s a colleague or a boss it’s been noted and deemed inappropriate.

I really can’t visualise this in the office tbh. I’ve never seen people hugging for no particular reason in an office environment, never mind on a regular occurrence.

I've done it with two or three close colleagues but it was once every few months, not weeks or every day.

Urgh! Don't hug people at work, that's awful.

That is literally exactly my point…

people don’t say it to your face!

they dont want to cause a scene or bad atmosphere because they’re afraid of being embarrassed or they are scared of you.

the fact that you refuse to listen to this truth proves that they are right to be wary of you tbh. You ARE someone who thinks they know best, whatever others say they feel.

I have a male, autistic friend who gets hugged by female colleagues when they meet up (they normally work from home) and he really hates it. He would definitely never in a million years say anything to anyone about it

No hugging in the office. Might lead to an harassment case, think employer is just covering their back or someone has complained

There is a thread on hear somewhere call Whats a nice way to tell my coworker to stop hugging me

Oh my goodness.

"No-one's ever asked me to stop before so everyone must like it!"

No, other people know that it's socially unacceptable to tell someone to STOP FUCKING TOUCHING ME and tolerate it because they're polite and don't want to upset you or cause a scene.

Keep your hands to yourself and stop pawing at people at work.

I would be very distressed by a colleague hugging me. Your colleagues might not feel comfortable enough to ask you to stop.

Hugging might be your preference, but lots of us hate it, and hardly anyone actively wants frequent bodily contact with a colleague. Your hugs might be tolerated, but I doubt that your colleagues like them.

It’s entirely possible that it’s not someone who is being hugged that has complained but someone outside of that circle.

If you were a man insisting on hugging people hello and goodbye every day and during the day to destress it would be considered to be creepy. That doesn’t change if you’re a woman.

If someone in my office insisted on hugging all and sundry at various times in the day I would very likely mention it along the lines of “surely that’s not really appropriate? What if people aren’t comfortable with it? Lots of boundaries are being overstepped here.” Even if I wasn’t one of the huggees.

I get that you have said that you won’t do it any more, so that’s that, but you really can’t know if someone has complained. It’s like crowd mentality, if someone sees that a lot of other people are doing/allowing something, then it can be hard to be the one who says no.

Stop hugging. You are invading people's personal space with a cavemanlike custom.

Haven't RTFT but just wanted to say, from an HR point of view, that although there may have been a complaint, it may not have been directed at, or about, you, OP so please don't worry about that (if you were).

I've been involved in cases, particularly around sexual harassment, where the defendant has referenced the fact that other people hug all the time so what's the difference in this occasion? It's therefore easier to discourage all forms of physical contact in the office.

This is a really good point actually. I’ve definitely seen this where a touchy feely man makes the argument that since Lou is hugging everyone (because they’re friends) he’s no different. It is different of course as he’s going round rubbing the shoulders and arms of younger women who aren’t his friends and mainly hate it.