Coworker snapped at the dress I'm wearing

[user1471867483]

I’m wearing a three-quarter length thin white crepe fabric sleeved dress with black ric rac at the bottom. It’s quite sheer, but it’s lined and I’m fine wearing it. It’s boho and vintage. I have thick black tights on with it and black ankle boots. My coworker, who works next door, came in and said, “Aren’t you cold in that”? I said, “No, I’m fine”. She said, “No you’re not”.
Well, I am! I wouldn’t have worn it if I wasn’t OK in it.
The dress is a bit like this:
https://froufroufrocksboutique.com/products/ent-ecru-plus-ric-rac-midi-dress
What I’m really asking is why has what I’m wearing got anything to do with anyone?

I don't see why she should care, unless she's the boss?!

Not a single person on this thread can say whether it's appropriate or not for where op works.

And tbf, it looks hot as bollocks for a beach dress. I'd sweat a litre in half an hour wearing that.

I don’t see the comment the colleague made as bullying in any way, in fact it could be read as an awkward warning shot across the bows about the appropriateness of the dress, better coming from a colleague than management…but then that wouldn’t fit OP’s whole “look at me” narrative

Are you making a statement or asking a question? It reads like a statement but has a question mark.

Skimpy was being polite. I could have said "a dress that looks like a cheap nylon nightie" but I didn't.

Do you struggle to understand sarcasm? Please tell me you didn't actually believe what I said about older women being jealous...🙄

That dress is hardly way out - there are loads of different versions on the beaches and in summer all over the world.

But wear what you like! Just don’t refer to other women as old fashioned.

Understood

Sorry. "Does ops dress sound skimpy though?" Or "ops dress doesnt sound skimpy" - take your pick what I meant, doesnt really matter.

I understand sarcasm perfectly btw. It really wasn't obvious. Glad we've cleared up it's not skimpy!

It was me who said ‘bring your whole self to work’.

I feel very strongly that women (and men) should challenge what’s seen as ‘appropriate’ office wear. Often, this means dressing like men (e.g. business suits), dressing for the male gaze (e.g. 3” heels and bodycon dresses) or dressing in a way that’s otherwise discriminatory (e.g. women with curly hair feeling they have to straighten it or use extensions to look ‘professional’). There have been threads on here about women being expected to have false nails or manicures as ‘appropriate’ work presentation FFS! When are men ever made to feel they should have their nails done for work?

My grandmother had to challenge the ‘reality’ that it was ‘appropriate’ for women to give up work and become ‘housewives’ when they married or had children. My mother had to challenge the ‘practice’ that it was ‘appropriate’ for women at work to have their bottoms pinched or patted by men. I’ve spent my life challenging the view that women have to dress a certain way to be taken seriously in the workplace. If you want to end discrimination, you have to keep challenging ‘the reality’ of what’s ‘appropriate’.

To paraphrase MLK, women should be not be judged on the thinness/colour/length of their dress fabric, but on the content of their character/ability to do their job.

The day Steve Hilton (not that I’m a fan) skateboarded into 10 Downing St in a pair of shorts is the day workplaces should have stopped obsessing about ‘appropriate workwear’.

Oh OP I am with you so much!

I work in a primary school and it’s pretty warm in the classroom, and on the move a lot. At the moment I’m wearing midi dresses with bare legs and pumps, or leggings and short sleeved t shirt dress type things. And I haven’t yet felt a need to get my coat out. As I’m warm in the classroom, when I go on break duty (15mins) or out for end of day dismissal (10 or so mins) I go as I am. No coat. Bare legs or bare arms. And I’m fine. The crisp air is nice and cools me down.

But the AMOUNT of people who feel a need to comment and say “Oo where’s your coat?” / “aren’t you freezing?” / “why aren’t you wearing a coat?”

It genuinely pisses me off so much. And may sound a minor thing to get irritated by. But it happens OFTEN. And it just riles me. I’m a grown ass woman and I think I can decide for myself whether I need a coat or not, and now my body temperature is!

A lot of people wear short ish tunic dresses to the office. Not all offices have a very corporate dress policy. These dresses can be worn with a blazer and ankle boots or loafers and thick black tights for work, which negates any ‘beach’ vibe. And OP said she had a black top underneath hers. Im sure sure doesn’t wear it with bare legs and flip flops carrying a raffia beach bag 😂 as another PP said, there’s a lot of v different style opinions on mumsnet!! If you are a cool clothes person you will get shot down in flames here.

It's not even the fact that there are different opinions, that's fair enough, it's the people presenting their opinions as absolute facts and refusing to accept that anyone else, including the only person who actually knows the specific circumstances (the OP) could possibly have a different experience to theirs.

Saying "I personally wouldn't wear it to the office' or 'It wouldn't be okay in my office' = completely fine
Arrogantly announcing "that's not office wear" with no idea of where OP works or what, if any, rules or expectations about what 'office wear' is acceptable there, is just bizarre.

*EdithBond *
I wasn't supporting sex discrimination or unfair expectations on women compared to men, in the least. I think you can have dress codes and expectations without them being sexist. There is nothing wrong with some jobs having uniforms and some jobs having a formal dress code (and of course, some not). I don't see why that's a problem in itself. We use clothes and many other aspects of presentation as communication, and one of the things that a company or profession might want to convey is seriousness, sobriety, gravitas etc. Likewise an arty design company or fashion magazine will want to convey creativity and style and have very different expectations. You can challenge it of course, you can do things differently, but I do not see why a dress code has to mean sexism. I'd challenge being expected to wear high heels when men weren't all the way, but if my employer didn't want me to look like I was at a beach party that's fine as long as it applied to both sexes.

And I think you can oppose sexism without having to "bring your whole self to work" which is a concept that as an introvert I really dislike, and which I associate with "DEI" (i.e. genderist) initiatives that end up just giving a green light to fetishistic men to bring their fetishes to work and take over women's spaces at work (see John Lewis's most recent idiocy) and that whole phenomenon is misogynist AF and disadvantages women.

My office is very casual eg jeans and t shirt type wear but I think even this would be inappropriate. It’s basically beach wear.

That's what my first thought was. A little pretentious.

you wear black tights and boots to the beach?

I do, it's bloody chilly on the beach at this time of year.

Artisan? Are you an expensive cheese?!

Who is going to be cold in an office? Sounds like an underhand way of saying oh very thin material. 🤔

I am eyeing up tunic dresses as workwear and trying not to buy an expensive one

I don't know your age op but wear what you like but accept that people will always comment.When I was in my teens and dressed in a rather individual way I featured several times in the work magazine cartoons.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

You sound a right fanny

So you aren't expecting any promotions?

I love the dress and I bet you look lovely in it, take no notice even though I know it’s hard to sometimes forget when people say weird stuff like that x

I’m genuinely surprised by the arsey comments on this thread. The dress isn’t sexy or revealing. She said she works in an office, not in a public facing role. There is nothing wrong with enjoying a 60s boho style. FFS, put the high horses away!

I think it's a strange sack that looks like a dolls dress, but if you're wearing it with tights and boots, and it's lined I don't see why it's inappropriate for work. As long as your manager is ok with it and it doesn't blatantly breach any company dress codes your colleague should mind her own business.