Coworker snapped at the dress I'm wearing

[user1471867483]

I’m wearing a three-quarter length thin white crepe fabric sleeved dress with black ric rac at the bottom. It’s quite sheer, but it’s lined and I’m fine wearing it. It’s boho and vintage. I have thick black tights on with it and black ankle boots. My coworker, who works next door, came in and said, “Aren’t you cold in that”? I said, “No, I’m fine”. She said, “No you’re not”.
Well, I am! I wouldn’t have worn it if I wasn’t OK in it.
The dress is a bit like this:
https://froufroufrocksboutique.com/products/ent-ecru-plus-ric-rac-midi-dress
What I’m really asking is why has what I’m wearing got anything to do with anyone?

Was ops arse hanging out of her opaque tights?

I don't know, OP hasn't posted an actual photo. But as several others have said, 'aren't you cold in that' in many cases means 'it's very short/sheer/skimpy'

My office doesn’t have a written dress code either. I once went in wearing a dress very similar to the one below. I got a lovely smile from our CEO equivalent. Nobody else seemed to notice.

I'm very boho and unique in my dress sense. Think vintage, artisan and folksie - and that's me! I'd also describe myself as way out with a 1960s influence.

I haven't read the thread, so sorry if I'm missing relevant replies. Just my view, but if you're into boho and being unique, surely that's a life attitude as well as what you wear? Which means not caring if someone else doesn't like what you're wearing. Free spirit - including not caring about other people's opinions on your dress sense/style.

Unless your office has a particular dress code? Then it's up to the manager/HR to decide if what an employee wears is appropriate.

The only other thing I can think of, is in one of my previous jobs a couple of colleagues would turn the office heating up so high the rest of us felt ill. Stuffy and lethargic. They would wear thin summer clothes in autumn and winter, then turn the heating up.

But if that's not what you're doing, and you're meeting the office dress code (if there is one), then who cares what one colleague thinks about your choice of outfit. Just ignore her, don't let it get to you, and focus on your work.

It's no big deal if somebody doesn't get your personal choice of outfit, nothing to get upset about. I personally couldn't care less if someone didn't like what I'm wearing. I never have (although have always respected specific office dress codes). Their problem, not mine.

Oh, well, heaven forbid any of us should view ourselves as anything outside of the ordinary, eh? Because that would surely mean we thought we were better than other people. 🙄What nonsense.
OP was simply describing how she likes to dress. It's absurd to infer from that that she thinks she's superior. No one would accuse someone of being up herself if she described her style as 'I mainly stick to classics', would they? No, because they would be conforming, which seems to be inexplicably important in some people's eyes.
There seems to be a mentality on this thread - and on MN generally, come to that - is that anyone who describes themselves as unusual in any way thinks they're better than others. It's depressing.

Ooh... is this you?

I just work in an office and I'm very boho and unique in my dress sense. Think vintage, artisan and folksie - and that's me! I'd also describe myself as way out with a 1960s influence.

I think we do know arses don't usually hang out of black opaque tights from underneath a just above the knee dress.

And "aren't you cold in that" can mean many things, can't see it meaning it's short/skimpy/sheer in this case given ops description of it doesn't sound like it's any of those things?

Agreed, that dress would be fine in most offices I've worked in. Very smart offices aren't really that common anymore.

However describing yourself as artisan and way out is incredibly cringe worthy

She just sounds weird, don't worry about it.

It would be fine in my office, probably not without the tights but with tights and boots I can't see the problem

The photo shows above the knee, and tights are great for warmth but not for preserving modesty.

I met Su Pollard very recently, she still has got great legs and is very outrageous.

In my office, derogatory comments about clothing were usually directed at the fat ones. I know this because I used to represent victims of bullying, before you all pile in!

That would have been inappropriate in any job I've had and I would have been spoken to about it.

It looks like the model is about to pull it off over her head and dive in a pool!

When I worked in an office in my early twenties there was a woman there in her early sixties who constantly made comments about how I dressed - never inappropriate but as a slim twenty something I did like to wear pencil skirts and close fitting tops that showed off my figure - she even made comments about how it must have been how my mother must have let me dress as a teenager 🙃

At first I started changing the way I dressed as she made me feel so uncomfortable, but by the time I left in my early thirties I used to enjoy wearing clothes that I knew she would roll her eyes at…

Prob get flamed for this, but after seeing pictures of her when she was in her twenties I realised that it was most likely jealousy, as she had never been a classically ‘attractive’ woman. Her problem, not mine 💁🏼‍♀️ And I think being a nasty bitter person just made her all the more unattractive 🙃

Where's your office, the 1950s?

Yeah, jealousy. Of course it is! Why did nobody ever mention that before🙄All of us over 45 are madly madly jealous...😴We all yearn to go to work in skimpy frock but we're too damned old and hideous😬It's just not fair.

OPs dress doesnt sound skimpy though?

I think OP coming out with statements like this out of the blue is adding to the perception that she takes herself a bit too seriously:

”Lol. True. Best to ignore the haters.
The metaphorical “trolley filled with worldly possessions” serves as a reminder of what truly holds value in our lives—relationships, experiences, and personal growth. Let’s hope this trolley comes to no one, as it symbolizes the fleeting nature of materialism and the emptiness that often accompanies it.”

I mean, what? We’re talking about whether a dress is suitable for the office and whether other people have the right to comment. I’m not sure why we’re now being treated to some kind of preachy philosophising.

I’ve got no issue with boho style and I’m inclined that way myself.

But there is a difference between someone who has an alternative style, and someone who wants everyone to know at every opportunity just how alternative they are. See quote above…..

As if that wasn’t enough, the OP is pretty happy with some casual ageism and isn’t above being judgemental about what the others in the office wear.

Wear what you want OP, but I don’t think you’re necessarily the totally innocent, free-spirited party that you’re trying so hard to claim here.

It's about attitude isn't it? Do you regard the woman 20 years your senior as " old enough to be your Mum" or do you regard her as a colleague with a contribution to make? And do you look at the clothes the other women are wearing as " old fashioned" and thus presume the women wearing them are too?
You are all there to do a job of work so why does OP feel the need to judge other people by the clothes they wear whilst ensuring she grabs attention by wearing unsuitable outfits .

Wow, you really can't stand people who are different from you, can you?!

I don’t think much about what other people are wearing full stop, however if someone comments on mine I am then more inclined to look at theirs and think “you’ve got a cheek I wouldn’t be seen dead in what you’ve got on”. I think most people will judge back if they are judged first tbh.

I also don’t deem anyone wearing anything other than a beige Matalan blouse as “trying to grab attention” but hey, that’s just me.

I would keep my trap shut but i would be thinking, what on earth was she thinking wearing that to work, looks like a beach cover up. Boho is one thing but that is very short (I know it's not the same one but if similar i would say not work appropriate unless you lead pub crawls in tourist resorts perhaps. I do like it btw, just not for work

I would also wonder if your colleague was hinting others are gossiping about your dress sense without telling you straight up. Being the butt of jokes behind others backs is horrible (we had a guy that would not take the hint that "wear what you like" actually means within reason, I had to tell him that management were commenting and probation might not be assured

Do you think the colleague in the op regards someone 20 years her junior as needing to be checked on that she's not too cold, then insisting she must be when assured she isn't?

Goes both ways doesn't it? Shouldn't be a surprise when someone comments on what you're wearing that you notice their style surely.

And op if you think this might be the case please do go to HR and raise this. This isnt on and needs stopping and if nothing else they could possibly clarify that a just above the knee non sheer non skimpy non arse non tit showing dress with thick black opaques -leggings essentially - doesnt go against any dress code.

I think you’ll find commenting on the appearance of others constitutes bullying. Why bother otherwise. You’re paid to do a job of work not pick over who is wearing what