I despise my fiancés place of work

[MrsH15001]

my fiancé has been at his place of work for around 9 years now. Long before he became a parent, since he’s now a father they have absolutely done their upmost to make life difficult for him.

Im a SAHM so it’s very rare probably only emergencies when he needs to be home, like now. Our DS is in full time school, DD 18 months old is currently in a cast with a fractured tibia/fibia I do not drive, it’s a 20 minute walk to my sons school but I do it daily. The issue is now I can not dress my child due to the fracture and the cast she has, she’s only able to wear tops right now. It’s absolutely bucketing it down with rain and freezing cold were we live. We have absolutely no help so I have no one to take or collect my son from school. My daughter is currently also unwell with a chest infection so taking her out in tops and coat is not ideal in this weather. Fiancé is due to finish work at 7:30pm and I’ve asked if he can leave early to collect our son. We have no village, just us. He said no, work won’t allow him. Me and him are now currently not seeing eye to eye as I’m saying it’s a legal requirement to allow unpaid leave to look after a dependent. Alls he needs to do is collect him and bring him home then return back to work. He’s saying it’s pointless by the time he leaves work and gets back it won’t be long until he finishes. But we need it, I need the help. He says he’s also asked his manager and it’s down to his employer and their saying no so there’s nothing he can do. Just don’t know where to stand I feel everything is just so hard for me right now I’m struggling to split myself in two. It’s only today (mon &Tuesday) as he’s off the rest off the week and she will be in the clinic on weekend getting her cast changed..

I’ve called the school and asked if he can be added onto the taxi service which I’m happy to pay for but unfortunately he doesn’t meet the criteria.. I have no one else to ask and I don’t know what to do

Hope your son is ok now. That sounds incredibly stressful and painful.

she doesn’t like blankets or her rain cover. She screams and kicks them off, okay nothing can be done. She has to put up with it but when she also has a chest infection and a child of her condition chest infections or common colds can become extremely dangerous leaving her in hospital due to her heart conditions and airway obstruction having her not fully dressed for wet cold weather whilst already being sick isn’t ideal.

But you can get her fully dressed with a dress and socks/leg warmers or baggy pyjama bottoms, you just seem insistent that the I my thing she can wear is a t-shirt. Yes, she would get cold if that’s what you dress her in. Put layers under the dress-vest, t-shirt etc and that will help, too.

If you’ve got to do the school run with her twice a day, 5 days a week, she will just have to get used to the buggy/blanket/raincover.

I’d just wrap her up with a blanket, put her in a pushchair and use the rain cover.

Hadn't updated the thread. So she kicks off blankets and rain covers? Oh well. She’d be cold and a bit wet then. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It does sound frustrating OP. I'd either get a taxi, or if too expensive, keep your son home, since it's only 1/2 days.

In future, I would really try to build a support network even a small one, for occasions such as this, preferably with some school parents. You have many years of school runs ahead and having a couple of people to call on will make a big difference.

The thing is, the original post was about the unfairness of OP’s fiancé not being able to leave work to collect his son from school. There were plenty of suggestions about how collecting him could be achieved by OP, but subsequent posts mentioned complications that weren’t apparent originally.

Its difficult for people to make suggestions or offer advice, if they don’t have the full picture to begin with.

None of this is relevant as OP is a driver , if you had read the OP’s post you would have seen this with all that privilege and education you’re spouting about.

I'm sorry your daughter is unwell, it must be very stressful.
However, I would still take her in a buggy rather than ask DH to jeopardise his job, at that age they don't need to be fully dressed, you just need to put enough blankets etc on top and tuck them in to keep her warm.

@Ruffpuff completely irrelevant post, not sure why you wrote it? it’s only clogging things up.

OP can you approach the school again re this taxi service? Explain how circumstances have changed a bit given sisters injury, and that the family has no means of transport? You are pretty close by to the school so there may be something they can do to help.

Unfortunate that your post about other people's lack of understanding of other people's situations starts with the assumption that OP's DH takes the car to work.

He doesn't. They can't afford one.

@MrsH15001 are you not entitled to a motobility car? That wouldn’t solve this problem, but would take life easier long term.

It’s only today (mon &Tuesday) as he’s off the rest off the week

Your husband is off the rest of the week? Do you mean annual leave? That’s good so it’s only tomorrow to solve this week.

It’s absolutely bucketing it down with rain and freezing cold were we live.

If you live somewhere genuinely cold and you have no car, you need to work on getting her used to the blanket/raincover as a priority. A hat as well-this will help keep her warm.

You seem to be looking for problems and reasons to blame his work rather than solutions.

We have a long commute with a bike trailer, we do it all year round. In the winter we put hot water bottles in there along with cosy toes and the DC are kept lovely and warm. The rain cover helps to keep the heat in and they can't kick off a zipped up cosy toes.

It sounds rough OP. And sounds like you are perhaps overwhelmed (don't take this the qwrong way, I mean it sympathetically). It can't be easy seeing your little toddler with those health issues and now a leg in a cast to boot. And life does go on, getting your ds to and from school.
I think anyone who wouldn't have a wobble over that is either lying or hasn't perhaps had the struggle of having absolutely no help at all.
Ok, so your DP's work seem inflexible to him being able to collect ds from school. So you and your dp perhaps need to sit down tonight and go through options available to you.

1. With the added issue of the leg cast and your dd's relectance to be covered by blankets/raincover, perhaps looking at your finances again and seeing how you can afford a car, or even can you rent one for the next couple of months. I'm sure your Dp taking unpaid leave isn't going to help financially and maybe putting what he would have lost to renting something may help.
2. Or perhaps call a local taxi firm, explain the situation and see if they will be a block booking for you same time each week day at a good rate.
3. In terms of DD, I think people have suggested getting some very baggy/oversized pj bottoms or joggers she can wear until the cast is off. Does your ds have any old ones she can use for now? If she had no problems wearing trousers before the cast I'm sure she will be fine. Maybe get an old pair and let her help you decorate them with pens (I know, maybe sounds odd, but then they will be 'her special trousers'. Anything to make sure she keeps them on basically.
4. How open is she to bribery? I know you said she is only 18 months, but something like DD, if you don't kick the covers off on the walk to get ds we can have an icecream/chocolate buttons/watch cartoon (or whatever she loves best) when we get home. You may be surprised how quick she picks up on this.
5. But mostly, speak to your DP tonight and work out together how to solve this. Don't make it his problem because he is at work, just like don't let him make it your problem because you are at home. There is a solution. You just have to take a breath, and hit restart on the ideas. And tell him if you are finding it all very overwhelming. Caring for an ill child is not a walk in the park and it sounds like a lot is falling on to you and perhaps this dilema is the straw thats breaking the camels back so to speak.

It sounds tough op.

What's that got to do with anything?
Even if OP worked someone would currently still have to be off with the unwell, injured 18 month old...I suppose it would be on the mother to leave work as the husbands work isn't flexible/he won't ask?

He current issue is not caused by her employment status.

@Ruffpuff As you've tagged me, here's a reply.

OP can drive.

She posted this a while back.
She doesn't have a car.
Her partner has no car.

She's dripfed a lot of info as the thread has gone along.

I don't really see how you can 'despise' your husband's employer for not accommodating your demands. I appreciate your daughter is not well and you have had a difficult time, but there are ways around the issues you are telling us about.

OP my son had a bad tib fib fracture at the same age and in the middle of winter. I got some old tracksuits a size up and cut most the leg off so I could get it over the cast and then put warm adult socks on over the toes and up the leg and the cast held them on. It is manageable, albeit not easy. On rainy days he was in the pushchair with the rain cover on and a bin bag on his legs.

It’s not realistic for most people to take that much time off work.

Be prepared that when the cast comes off, walking again can be quite traumatic. The first time my little boy tried, he collapsed screaming in pain. According to the fracture clinic that was normal. It took a good few weeks before he was putting weight on it again.

I'm very sorry for your circumstances, but apart from your DD's significant health issues, the other issue is low income.

I'm wondering what work your partner does and if in the longer term he can find something else? You appear to be tied to the care of your DD for a few more years.

He's out till after 7pm and work is only 7 mins away by train, and he earns just above the minimum wage.

The real issue here is your finances.
If you had a car, that would solve a lot of this.

Then this is going to be an ongoing problem so emergency leave isn't suitable. Your partner cannot take time off work to do the school runs whenever your daughter has a cold or chest infection.

There are other solutions apart from your DH taking a chunk of time off work, and perhaps your DH is saying he can't do the school pick up because he wants you to be more proactive in finding them. You must be very isolated if you literally don't know a single local parent who might pick up your child sometimes as a favour which you would return another time. Sounds like it is time to build a network. Meanwhile, there must be a way of wrapping your injured child up well enough to take her that short distance in a taxi. It may not be ideal or exactly what you want, but it would be easier than your DH taking time off when there isn't really a good reason. He may need the goodwill another time for a genuine emergency.

He a 6ft 4 15 stone brute of rugby player 😊 (he’s 15 old) now.

He was 11 months old when it happened and was initially in intensive care before he got moved to the burns unit, where he was under treatment for 5.5 years… he still gets seen as his graft sites needs treatment under GA every few years (mainly due to his extremely fast growth) he is still immune compromised and still has allergies and brittle asthma.

We like the OP also had an older child who had just started reception, not going to lie it was hard going but it was the hand we’re dealt with and as it was long term we just had to adapt.

Everything had to be considered tenfold, there was no easy solution to most things but we made it work for the best part 🙂

Sorry op that is a bit crap. I'm not sure how long your DD will be in the cast but can you book any afterschool care for your son and would your DH then get back in time to get him? At our school you can book it adhoc so just on the day or the day before?
I know you don't know many people but is there a neighbour that would sit in the house with DD for 1/2 an hour for you or anyone DS is in school with that might drop him off?
I hope your DD gets her surgery and recovers soon.

Can you not buy a cheap onesie, one size bigger, and cut the leg off?

FFS will some of you read the actual thread. Op has a child with a heart condition and a broken leg - she has a real problem which stupid people on here are just saying bundle her up in a blanket and put her in the pushchair! If she gets really ill from getting cold and wet then so what is she has a heart condition!!!! Please read all the Op's threads and see she is a SAHM to care for her ill child not because she doesn't want to work and she can drive but cant afford another car - surely to god most of you can understand that. Some people commenting her are truely bat shit stupid. I hope things get easier for you Op but not sure how when your DH has an entirely unempathetic employer and are getting all these stupid unhelpful comments on here. I can't help you but big hugs to you!!!