I despise my fiancés place of work

[MrsH15001]

my fiancé has been at his place of work for around 9 years now. Long before he became a parent, since he’s now a father they have absolutely done their upmost to make life difficult for him.

Im a SAHM so it’s very rare probably only emergencies when he needs to be home, like now. Our DS is in full time school, DD 18 months old is currently in a cast with a fractured tibia/fibia I do not drive, it’s a 20 minute walk to my sons school but I do it daily. The issue is now I can not dress my child due to the fracture and the cast she has, she’s only able to wear tops right now. It’s absolutely bucketing it down with rain and freezing cold were we live. We have absolutely no help so I have no one to take or collect my son from school. My daughter is currently also unwell with a chest infection so taking her out in tops and coat is not ideal in this weather. Fiancé is due to finish work at 7:30pm and I’ve asked if he can leave early to collect our son. We have no village, just us. He said no, work won’t allow him. Me and him are now currently not seeing eye to eye as I’m saying it’s a legal requirement to allow unpaid leave to look after a dependent. Alls he needs to do is collect him and bring him home then return back to work. He’s saying it’s pointless by the time he leaves work and gets back it won’t be long until he finishes. But we need it, I need the help. He says he’s also asked his manager and it’s down to his employer and their saying no so there’s nothing he can do. Just don’t know where to stand I feel everything is just so hard for me right now I’m struggling to split myself in two. It’s only today (mon &Tuesday) as he’s off the rest off the week and she will be in the clinic on weekend getting her cast changed..

I’ve called the school and asked if he can be added onto the taxi service which I’m happy to pay for but unfortunately he doesn’t meet the criteria.. I have no one else to ask and I don’t know what to do

I highly disagree with that. Even a very tolerant workplace like mine would think I was a snowflake if I asked for time off to do this.

I looked through the whole thread to find something like this. Jeeze - give the OP a break! Sometimes is just bloody hard bloody work and I'd be cross too when you want support and you just can't have it. Of course, it's just life, but it doesn't mean it isn't annoying AF and sometimes you just need a rant! You have my sympathies, OP xx

For those saying it’s only 20 minutes. That’s one way- think about it.

I don’t drive (learning). My son’s school 20 minutes away at very fast walking pace. It actually takes me closer to an hour by the time I walk there, drop off, and walk back.

Twice a day with a poorly baby is exhausting and hard.

I would second asking another parent in the school if they could possibly help with pick ups and drop offs for now.

Which this isn’t. The initial day or two would be, but not for however long the toddler is in a cast.

Regardless of the rare heart condition, her wearing trousers is a non issue in terms of collecting your son from school.

Buy cheap leggings and put adult socks over her cast and wrap her in a blanket, that’s what I done when my son had a triple skin graft to his left leg that was heavily bandaged for 16 weeks, he was also immune compromised, due to his burns

He couldn’t walk for 12 months, a cold could also kill him as he has brittle asthma and natural anaphylaxis allergies, life goes on tho, you just need to think outside the box in keeping them safe and healthy.

Right.

And wearing a dress?

I’d be putting a vest and also t-shirt on underneath it, then a coat which will help keep her warm.

So you propose he leave work, train to school, collect son, walk home in rain, walk back to train, train back to work? It just doesn’t make sense OP.

If home - school is walkable, surely a taxi is a cheaper option than him missing out on wage due to unpaid leave.

Fair enough you’ve sold your old car but you really need to think about getting a cheap model that you can run into the ground, especially with all of these school runs and medical appts.

I’m sorry people are posting such daft responses and not reading your situation. I think you need to ask for help from anyone who could help, neighbours, other parents etc. I would go out of my way to help if I could. Post it on your local facebook group, you’re only needing your little boy picked up from school

Cannot your daughter where a warm vest, a petticoat and a dress over her cast? She doesn't have to wear trousers, and presumably you can do nappy and shoes? A blanket and waterproof over her legs will sort out everything else, and a blanket under her will make sure she is warm.
That said, your DP's work is being petty. They could be helpful. But you do not say what his job is nor why it would be difficult to leave and go back. Mind, I suspect he has not asked.

Have you tried the class WhatsApp group?

Sorry about your DD's heart condition, obviously had we known about that, the initial answers may have been different.

What does your OH do? Could he change company?

So you propose he leave work, train to school, collect son, walk home in rain, walk back to train, train back to work? It just doesn’t make sense OP.

It’s not practical and quite feasible the train times won’t align well too. I think if you need to find ways to make this more manageable for you rather than expecting him to leave work for non-emergency school runs. If he is sacked, I think that would have a worse impact on your household.

Once this crisis has passed, start chatting at the school gate. You want mums and dads who struggle to make pick-up too- and agree to collect their kids with yours and vice versa.

when I had covid as a single mum I had other parents of kids in the class bring DS home. When he got to secondary we already had that same network of friends to share lfts with and be a safe place in town to go to on the way home. Its a long journey and you are going need other friends along the way.

I was suggesting he used emergency leave today and that together they sort out the next few weeks. Not that he used emergency leave for a few weeks.
Totally different being a SAHM doesn't or shouldn't mean that everything falls on their shoulders, especially if something unexpected happens. They are still supposed to be parents.
Like if something were to happen so the working parent could no longer work I'd expect the other parent to step up.

Is he looking for another job?

@MrsH15001 you are getting a hard Time here and people can’t even read the full post.

sending hugs .

I think you’re having a tough time and feel left to do it alone .
Your partner needs to speak to his work to offer more support while your Dd is so vulnerable .

You need to have a sit down with your partner and talk about him supporting your more. .If he is generally good and it is his work then not much you can both do .

Just vent to a friend that can help . I think that’s why you came here but it hasn’t went to lo well .

I hope your Dd health gets better soon . X

Agree with this long term, but it's not going to help right now.

I don't really see why you can't take a pram and wrap in a blanket to be honest.

Your DD is going to be in a cast for weeks. We are also only just coming into autumn. You and your DH need to sort out together how you are going to get your DS to and from school. There are going to be many days over the winter when she will need blankets/foot muff and rain cover on her buggy for two 40 minute journeys every day. Or else you need to find a babysitter for her at home, again for 80 minutes every day. Or share the school walk with other parents.

Maybe your fiance isn't doing all he could, perhaps because the financial load is all on him? But you need to work together to spread the load. Does the school have a parents WhatsApp group where you could ask for help while you sort out a longer term solution?

Broken legs can hurt like stink.

DS broke his as a teenager and it was agony when healing {Especially standing up }

Getting around is a pain in the butt.

@MrsH15001 Don't blame you for being frustrated.

I think people are posting the way they are because frankly the broken leg is a red herring to the real issue, which is the OP husbands employer and the OP not having access to a car.

From what you’ve said it would appear that your dd would receive high rate DLA, with this you would be likely to eligible for a mobility car, is this something you can look into?

I agree with PP's that another class parent can probably help out. Do you have a class WhatsApp? If so, post a message explaining the situation and I'm sure that someone will offer to help.

If you don't have a class WhatsApp, could you ask the school to send a message? We've received messages from the school when a family is having a difficult time and needs some support.

Okay, I can understand why your partner/his workplace is reluctant to do this. He would have to come out of work, get the next train, 7 minutes journey to school, wait for child, walk child home 20 mins, walk back to train station 20 mins, wait for next train, 7 minutes back to work.

This really isn't a need, as a family you 'need' him to have a job, so unfortunately it is up to you to sort a solution really, you're obviously having a hard time being the one left to do it, but putting the blame on him/his employer isn't really fair here, there's not anything he can do about that.

Saying that if he is still on just above minimum wage after nearly ten years working there he really needs to look at something that would fit your family better, maybe something with more flexible working hours etc.

Would her cast fit in a sleeping bag for a 2 year old? Or could she wear leggings and a snowsuit with one leg cut off? Hot water bottles in the pram to keep her toasty for the walk?

I can understand your dp's work not wanting him to disappear for and hour or more every afternoon for what is likely to be several weeks. It does sound like you are going to have to be inventive and come up with something. Do you have contact with any other parents who might help you out as it is only short term, I would help another parent in these circumstances.

I had a 2 year old in a cast so I know the pain. Wear warm dresses with leg warmers or get 1 or 2 sizes up harem pants as they go over the cast well. Use blankets and the rain cover to get her in the pushchair that will keep her warm enough. A cosy toes didn't fit my daughters leg with cast in but 2 or 3 blankets wrapped round her legs with a coat on worked well.

@HumptyDumptysWife

Op can drive but can’t afford a car. her husband must have to take the car for work.

I am 27 and I only began learning to drive this year. It has been an absolute upward battle in terms of time and finances. You people realise that driving lessons are upward of £40 an hour now right?? The recommended minimum is 45 hours. That’s £1,800 in total. They also recommend private lessons. The test themselves cost £60 a pop. Never mind funding the purchase of a car afterwards- that can be near impossible for some.

Some of us weren’t born into a privileged position of having our parents help finance lessons at a young age, some of us didn’t have that disposable income at a young age either. I moved out at 18 and only now do I have a little bit of money left over every month after paying basic expenses. I’ve worked hard too.

Mumsnet never lets me down with its shocking naivety towards people living outside of their own bubble. Most of the platform considers themselves to be educated- shame that education hasn’t helped with nuanced thought.

You realise how bloody condescending it is to list the reasons why someone should learn to drive (as if they don’t know), without considering the barriers that have prevented it in the first place.

Someone else listed that op doesn’t have the “luxury of continuing as a non-driver”. It’s a luxury NOT to drive now is it?

Are you people actually serious??