I despise my fiancés place of work

[MrsH15001]

my fiancé has been at his place of work for around 9 years now. Long before he became a parent, since he’s now a father they have absolutely done their upmost to make life difficult for him.

Im a SAHM so it’s very rare probably only emergencies when he needs to be home, like now. Our DS is in full time school, DD 18 months old is currently in a cast with a fractured tibia/fibia I do not drive, it’s a 20 minute walk to my sons school but I do it daily. The issue is now I can not dress my child due to the fracture and the cast she has, she’s only able to wear tops right now. It’s absolutely bucketing it down with rain and freezing cold were we live. We have absolutely no help so I have no one to take or collect my son from school. My daughter is currently also unwell with a chest infection so taking her out in tops and coat is not ideal in this weather. Fiancé is due to finish work at 7:30pm and I’ve asked if he can leave early to collect our son. We have no village, just us. He said no, work won’t allow him. Me and him are now currently not seeing eye to eye as I’m saying it’s a legal requirement to allow unpaid leave to look after a dependent. Alls he needs to do is collect him and bring him home then return back to work. He’s saying it’s pointless by the time he leaves work and gets back it won’t be long until he finishes. But we need it, I need the help. He says he’s also asked his manager and it’s down to his employer and their saying no so there’s nothing he can do. Just don’t know where to stand I feel everything is just so hard for me right now I’m struggling to split myself in two. It’s only today (mon &Tuesday) as he’s off the rest off the week and she will be in the clinic on weekend getting her cast changed..

I’ve called the school and asked if he can be added onto the taxi service which I’m happy to pay for but unfortunately he doesn’t meet the criteria.. I have no one else to ask and I don’t know what to do

Why are you so angry about a woman stopping work to care for her disabled child?

It’s weird

Is this not covered by emergency dependent leave? Can h finish his hours at home once he’s picked up your DS?

Yeah OP why don’t you? In fact get two so you and your husband have one each.

Also why don’t you get your husband to get a job that pays lots of money, or even better- why can’t you get him to just leave his job and both of you stay off work to look after your child? It’ll be much easier with two of you at home.

I can’t believe some of these comments, it’s like no one has a clue what it’s like to struggle and that it’s impossible for some people to run a car or learn to drive at the moment.

I’ve got a car I pay for and can drive but I’m 40 and still haven’t got a full driving license. I passed my theory first time with full marks on both the questions and hazard perceptions, unfortunately I keep failing the driving test due to anxiety. It’s expensive to keep sitting a driving test. I struggled with professional lessons as I’m 4’9 and was too small to drive some of the driving instructors cars, I had to buy my own small car to learn in. I can’t even drive my partners car as I can’t reach the pedals!

It really frustrates me that so many people think it’s the easiest thing in the world to afford lessons, sit a theory and driving test and then buy and run a car, it’s a privilege not a right as people assume.
I know OP can drive but the responses before she disclosed this were condescending towards her for not having a car.

My partner drives and has a car so I don’t really struggle as he drives me everywhere but we could only afford for him to learn to drive and get a car 10 years ago when he was 30. Before that we had to walk everywhere and often in the rain carrying heavy shopping. My best friend who has money bought her kids brand new cars and paid for lessons when they were 17 so we had her teenage children laughing at us for not having a car when they were driving everywhere, it was humiliating but then later we appreciated being able to have the satisfaction of working and saving for our cars and not just being handed them on a plate.

I really hope you manage to sort something OP, I know how frustrating and powerless you feel in these sorts of situations, it sounds like you are really struggling at the moment and I hope it gets easier soon. I think people forget what a twenty minute walk in the cold and rain feels like when they are used to driving everywhere, if you are battling with a child pulling covers off as well when you need them to stay dry it makes things even more miserable.

You have had some really good suggestions (amongst the frustrating ones) about seeing if a school parent can help or even just keeping your other child off school for now. I wouldn’t risk your husband’s job at the moment by asking him to help out, I can understand your feelings towards his employer but it doesn’t sound feasible for your husband to keep leaving work for long periods of time when you are at home.
this won’t last forever I hope it gets easier soon.

We used tights for ours with a broken leg. In February. Just bought a couple of sizes bigger.

Your daughter could wear shots and skirts. Over her cast. Even a long leg one. Just get stretchy ones

The amount of people who are telling you that you're privileged/ your husband has a right to be upset as you can't drive are making me sick to my stomach. I'm sorry that the average Mumsnet user can't read updates. I am even more sorry that you're in this position, with an incredibly poorly child and a partner who won't help. I would just keep eldest home from school, you have enough stress on with the chest infection and severely broken leg. I hope things improve for you 💖

What with? Shirt buttons?

Its tough OP, however please do ask for help on your class chat…years ago I was laid up with a broken ankle, dh at work, I thought I didn’t have a network, but people were falling over themselves to help me with drop off and pickups…most people will help like this if they know you need help

This is not about work - I am the main breadwinner and if my sah dh asked me to be a taxi service as well as brining the bacon home, I would seriously doubt their sanity. My job is to earn, their job is to deal with issues like that, by getting taxis if necessary.

Get cheap leggings and joggers and cut the seam of the broken leg, that will help keep her warm. Thick socks too.

I’m sorry, it sounds really hard.
What about a cheap sleeping bag cut in half; sit her in the bottom half in her buggy and hopefully she won’t be able to kick it off.

Does your son have friends at school? If so get to know their mums. Mum friends are a lifeline for emergency childcare issues, and you will no doubt be able to return the favour. I never mind having my kids' friends over - they provide screen free entertainment for each other!

Helplessness and damselling-in-distress can probably be attractive in the first couple of weeks/months of dating, after than it is majorly annoying.

Can you buy a child's oodie or one if those kids sleeping bags? Pop her in the buggy in that will keep the cold off her esp if you add a rain cover on the buggy. I'd also give her a warm drink in non spill a teething bottle/cup.

It's gone parky cold where I am so I appreciate your concern, but sadly needs must. The alternative is to still put her in a sleeping bag/oodie and taxi there and back.

I personally think your partner should do some of the lifting though, it's small price to pay for his DDs welfare.

They way to decide is what's going to cost less, taxis or losing his pay for a few hours a day?

Why can't you improve your reading comprehension @TENSsion ?

My post was aimed at the posters who are suggesting the OP gets a car. The posters who haven't read her posts.

I was telling them to read her updates - ALL. It's easy enough to find them by clicking on 'see all'.

So my post is actually supporting her but that seems to be outside your understanding.

If you worked until recently, then surely you understand how difficult it is in some workplaces to take unexpected time off.

Your partners employer has more responsibility to the business and the other colleagues who could be impacted by your husbands absence than they have for your school run issues.

You’ve made multiple posts about OP not working.

Multiple digs.

Are you able to converse without this air of superiority?

It’s really quite off putting .

I’m with your fiancé and his workplace on this.

This is not your fiancé’s works problem. As many posters have said, you need to put a long dress/snoodie/blankets on your 18-month old and a rain cover on the pushchair and walk to school.

It’s that simple. Not everyone has the luxury of driving or having help to pick up their kids from
school. Some mums do it with multiple kids/babies in tow in all seasons.

It's mid teens where I am today, not cold enough to make a child ill. A lot of employers would have an issue with this as it sounds like it's going to be a frequent occurrence until the cast is off

If you post a photo of the cast people might be able to suggest how you can modify some clothes to fit. For example charity shop joggers for a much older child with a draw string waist, chopped off at the waist or long skirt with leg warmers on the other leg

Can you ask for help on the class WhatsApp group for from one of his friends parents in exchange for a weekend playdate at yours?

Sorry op I'm well used to doing things on my own as I'm a single parent but you're unreasonable on this.

As the sole breadwinner your partner needs to focus on his job and not leave work unless it's a genuine emergency ie one of your children is in hospital and the other one needs looking after.

Talk to the school, explain the situation, see if they have any ideas/thoughts on how to get DS home from school tomorrow.

Sounds tough but doable for a few days.
20 min walk is not bad, if you have suitable clothing.
wrap up the little one well as others have said and do it

good luck!

I think in terms of your fiancé's workplace, you may have some unrealistic expectations. Leaving work early to help the other parent do the school run because it’s raining isn’t going to be covered by emergency/dependants leave. Time off to attend planned appointments, when there are lots of them also isn’t realistic. Does your fiancé request annual leave, with the appropriate notice for the appointments?

Hi OP, I really sympathise. My eldest was premature and we’ve gone to a&e close to 20 times in his short 3 years as his body can’t cope properly with a common cold and often leads to major respiratory issues. I was amazed when speaking to a couple of friends recently with their 5 and 7 year old who had never been to hospital with them. I assumed most parents would do at least a couple of trips within the first few years and it bought home just how unusual our situations are.

I’m also a SAHM and my DH has his own business but he can’t just drop things to help me unless in an absolute emergency otherwise we couldn’t pay our mortgage and bills. It’s my job to handle everything at home as much as I feasibly can during working hours so I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask your DP to get in trouble at work to pick up your eldest I’m afraid. You’ve had lots of great suggestions from PP’s about how to make sure your DD doesn’t get cold and I think you are letting your anxiety over her getting poorly again override a bit of logic in this situation.

I think you could read more carefully .