Fuming about interview questions

[Bunny44]

I'm a single mum looking for a new job after losing my job and being dumped while pregnant. I started looking for a new job when he was 6 months and he's now 10 months.

As a single parent I need a job ASAP but I'm finding it so hard (for the first time in my life) to get one. I'm convinced in part because I now have a baby.

I try and avoid mentioning I have a baby but it tends to come up when they ask about the gap since my last job but also I've been asked several times now directly about my marital status and if I have kids. I dodge the marital status question all together but mention I have a baby. I've then had follow up questions like, "what are your childcare arrangements?" Or "will you be able to travel with a baby at home?"

Several times they've made it clear that I'm a favourite/they're very interested but then i get dropped for some BS reason as soon as I get this question (nearly always from a man in his 50s). I'm applying for jobs which I'm well qualified for and they're quite specific so usually I get invited to interview. I prepare a lot in advance and I usually get no negative feedback even when asking for it.

I work in tech and we're told that it's a modern industry, how much they care about people and equality but all seems such BS in reality. I've always been a high performer and never had an issue getting a job but it seems the moment you're pregnant suddenly you're no good and they don't care.

I've just been asked that question yet again today by yet again another man in his 50s and I'm so fed up. This was interview number 7 for the same job, so 7 hours of interviews, all of which were very positive but I just have a hunch I'm going to get yet another rejection... I've done maybe 40+ interviews now. I prep significant amounts of time which involves staying up late when my baby is sleeping or pulling favours from my mum. I'm so exhausted at this point.

What can I do? Should I let the in house recruiter know I was asked this question? Should I be rejecting to respond to questions like this?

I understand that, but Businesses have protection, and rightly so. Sensible questions related to the ability to perform in a role are perfectly acceptable. I know women who choose employers based on their ability to cater their private levels. That’s wrong on many levels.
Anyone thinking that it’s acceptable for Businesses to go bust to try and cater for individuals personal choices is all that’s wrong in society, and the entitled world some people live in. Shameful.

It’s an illegal question. They are not allowed to ask and you can lie and there are not repercussions as they are not allowed to ask this or your age or sexual persuasion or marital status!

Came on to say this - they are fab and have a helpline

They are allowed to ask. They're not allowed to discriminate and most HR advisors would say don't ask, as it would be hard to prove you didn't discriminate as a result, but it's not illegal to ask.

It’s shameful you flout the law! They are not allowed to ask this by law! You can lie or decline to answer it!

There is no such law

I have no issue being asked if I can travel. What I was asked is if I am married/have children. Another time I was asked what my childcare arrangements were.

Sorry, why are you assuming this? Would you assume this of a man?

Thanks for your response and feedback. I included the link as they're an American company and the lady I'm addressing is based over there.

OK hun.

They're not allowed to ask anything they like.

You're not a "care facility" because you provide maternity leave. Not quite sure in what way you think you are.

I'm not a "young woman/young mum". Also I'm not applying for a small business.

Just because you're female and possibly a mum doesn't mean you can't do the job.

Sorry but you sound well out of date on your views and utterly misinformed. Hope you have no place in any recruitment processes. You sound like part of the problem.

All people choose jobs based on their personal requirements 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Questions asking if you're married/have kids are not relevant to being able to perform the job.

Anyway assuming you're probably a troll especially given your username... although there are enough dinosaurs around with exactly your views.

You could say something vaguer like you took time off to think about what you wanted to do next, or you had an unpaid opportunity you couldn't turn down 🤣

Or people who care about small businesses. But keep taking liberties if that’s your thing.

It's not untrue 😂😂😂

I know many employers (I’m not one btw) who don’t employ women of a certain age because of the piss taking attitude of the few, which sadly impacts on the many. I can’t be the only person who knows if women who are employed for 6 months, then go on maternity for 10 months only to have another child after returning for a few months. I know someone who has worked for just 5 months in over 2 years, doing this and openly laughs at it. Sadly this type of persons behaviour affects millions of others. Nobody can pretend this is fair for an employer.

Honestly OP everyone in tech is struggling getting next job. My coworkers and i were made redundant in september. Everyone but me just got a job in the last month. Im struggling more for reasons due to working abroad for a while. Its not you. You have to be a perfect match these days. And we have all experienced jobs being cancelled in the interview process even at a Adobe!

Are u in the uk
maybe your rules are different to ours (Ireland) as soon as u notify your company you are pregnant, your job cannot be changed or terminated for the duration of the maternity leave.
if anything is even mentioned you can take a case against the employer

Yes I do know everyone is struggling, and I definitely don't think every job I'm not getting is because of having a baby (a lot is due to sheer volume of competition), however when it comes up about having a baby and I'm in the final few I'm getting asked about childcare and then get dropped - I'm suspecting it's not helping me. It's happened too many times now to be coincidental.

Yes I am. In the UK you aren't afforded that level of protection. I ran other threads on this. I wasn't the only pregnant lady or person on maternity leave let go.

What's 'of a certain age'? 25 - 45? Then I suppose over 45s are too old and go on sick leave too much according to you?

You know due to parental rights that men can take parental leave in place of the birthing partner now and many are starting to, so maybe these employers you know should beware of men of a certain age as well 🤷🏻‍♀️. So that leaves them with a nice pool of 18 - 25 Yr olds for you to try and understand.

You do realise that stat mat isn't paid by the employer themselves, the piss all amount these women are 'raking in' is paid out of the NI they've contributed to 🙄. You're clearly someone who knows very little about maternity leave and is making random misinformed assumptions.

They shouldn’t be asking you. But, rather than have them make assumptions maybe be super open about it so they can see you will be able to be available as needed. Either that or say you took a career break to go travelling

Think ‘what would a man do?’ … he’d lie and say ‘oh yes my partner is doing all the childcare…’ - so just say that!
If you get rejected report them as this is sex discrimination AND pregnancy and maternity discrimination. Ask them if they are committed to upholding legislation such as the 2010 Equalities Act…because it certainly doesn’t seem like it! And by the way it’s not a choice 😬 it’s the law! Find something in their website to quote back at them such as ‘we are an equal opportunities employer and welcome applicants from all backgrounds blah blah blah’ - they are breaking their own rules here and missing out on having you on their team due to prejudice, so let’s hear them defend that!

OP I completely agree with you - it is wrong of them to ask these sorts of questions at interview.

If your industry is one where layoffs are common then I'd explain the gap as arising from your layoff and you trying to find the right role, rather than bringing up the mat leave - possibly go with an angle of personal development/taking time to recalibrate etc during your time off to explain why it's been 10 months.

I was also laid off whilst pregnant but luckily was in my first trimester and got my next job within 2 months (but it was definitely a downgrade and I only took it as I wanted to avoid a career gap and facing the same situation you're currently in).

I think your email to the recruiter was a good one, fingers crossed that you get the job!

I had the same but it was 15 years ago. I had a toddler and a 9 months old. In one interview I ommited that I had a 9 months old baby and concentrated on the fact that my son was about to start nursery and I was ready to go back to work. I got that job.
I don't know what to advise but I know how awful it is. I also work in tech.
Maybe avoid startups and go for big corporations. They have stronger rules about what can be asked at interviews . Good luck