Fuming about interview questions

[Bunny44]

I'm a single mum looking for a new job after losing my job and being dumped while pregnant. I started looking for a new job when he was 6 months and he's now 10 months.

As a single parent I need a job ASAP but I'm finding it so hard (for the first time in my life) to get one. I'm convinced in part because I now have a baby.

I try and avoid mentioning I have a baby but it tends to come up when they ask about the gap since my last job but also I've been asked several times now directly about my marital status and if I have kids. I dodge the marital status question all together but mention I have a baby. I've then had follow up questions like, "what are your childcare arrangements?" Or "will you be able to travel with a baby at home?"

Several times they've made it clear that I'm a favourite/they're very interested but then i get dropped for some BS reason as soon as I get this question (nearly always from a man in his 50s). I'm applying for jobs which I'm well qualified for and they're quite specific so usually I get invited to interview. I prepare a lot in advance and I usually get no negative feedback even when asking for it.

I work in tech and we're told that it's a modern industry, how much they care about people and equality but all seems such BS in reality. I've always been a high performer and never had an issue getting a job but it seems the moment you're pregnant suddenly you're no good and they don't care.

I've just been asked that question yet again today by yet again another man in his 50s and I'm so fed up. This was interview number 7 for the same job, so 7 hours of interviews, all of which were very positive but I just have a hunch I'm going to get yet another rejection... I've done maybe 40+ interviews now. I prep significant amounts of time which involves staying up late when my baby is sleeping or pulling favours from my mum. I'm so exhausted at this point.

What can I do? Should I let the in house recruiter know I was asked this question? Should I be rejecting to respond to questions like this?

@HateMyselfToo OP, If they're asking these questions at interview - which admittedly they shouldn't - you don't want to work for them anyway. They would make your life more difficult. I hope you find a company that values you.

The rest of the interviews went very well and the people were not like that at all. If I let one comment/one person deter me from every job then I'd never get one!

However I've followed up so let's see what they say.

No advixe other than lie and not mention your child.

Its pure shit OP sorry...

Having a child myself open my eyes to the fundamental arseholery of our society and workplaces towards mothers

I’ve only been asked once, and I walked out the interview cause of the other shitty questions this 50yo upper class twat asked.

Any other job, I have NEVER been asked!

I just wouldn’t tell them. I’d lie about the gap in my CV- say illness or something- and not tell them that I had kids. It’s dogshit that you’d have to lie/ omit but if I was unemployed with mouths to feed I wouldn’t hesitate.
Have you been in touch with or done any networking with any of the women in tech groups? They’re pretty good for advice on stuff like this and the networking events are great when looking for work.

@ItsFuckingBoringFeedingEveryoneUntilYouDie

spot on!

oh we’ve shouted, but so many of my younger female colleagues weren’t interested because it simply didn’t register.

As a junior lawyer I was asked during an interview (this century i promise) what my father did for a living. when I used to tell that tale (and the one about the judge that flashed me, the QC who asked why I didn’t stay at home and breed, or the senior partner who physically lifted me out of his way) the answer was always, well I’d have to walked out/called the police/told them what for/ moved them out the way, all delivered in a slightly pitying, condescending manner because of course they knew they were going to be different.

only it’s never that easy, when as the OP has found, you can be 40 interviews down and no one cares for your pithy put downs and knowledge of employment law, because the reality is how do you actually prove discrimination in an interview and even if you do what’s the long term damage in small industry.

Haven’t read the whole thread, but since it is actually illegal to ask that question, I’d have no problem just lying - tell them you have a partner who is planning to look after the baby. Of course, by the time you start, you might have split up :-)

IT IS UNWISE TO ASK QUESTIONS LIKE THAT BUT IT IS NOT ILLEGAL.

Disgraceful and shows no concern for work-life balance or mental wellbeing. Plus you’re not going to be more productive anyway if you’re working 50-60 hours - you’re going to be burned out and working more slowly. It’s been shown many times that people can do the same work in less hours.

so can they or can't they ask??

We are all aware that the same questions have to be asked of everyone

However, one of my nephewswas asked "how would you feel being supervised by a woman." This was about 15 years ago. My nephew could not help himself and asked the all woman pannel "how would you feel if you was supervised by a man."

Needless to say he did not get the job as they found someone with many more years experience than him - he was glad he was not working for that lot

They can ask everyone, but it’s an unwise decision to.

Asking only some leaves them open to criticism but may be hard to prove.

My nephew could not help himself and asked the all woman pannel "how would you feel if you was supervised by a man."

Probably the grammar.

😅😅😅😅

Well I sent a message off earlier. I'll let you know when I hear back about the result. Hopefully I won't be suddenly cut out of the process for raising the issue!

Sympathies, OP.
Every employer wants their employees to work as if they have a SAH co-parent and housekeeper, but no one wants to pay their employees enough to support one.

Although - that's cheap relative to a live in nanny, they certainly don't want to pay for that

Seeing as you live with your parents who provide childcare it would only be a slight stretch to say that you have a live in nanny ...

Trouble is, it won't be, will it? When DC is ill, work will come second, and rightly so. But the law's on your side.

Whether you're male or female you can be asked if travel would be a problem in your role due to personal responsibilities - or if you'd be able to stay late. This could be giving care to a sick relative, having a child or owning a dog. You just need to reply that you have appropriate childcare in place so would be able to stay late or travel etc. It's often not meant offensively but more so they can better understand how you could do a particular role. My DH was a carer and faces the same type of gap in his CV and the same questions.

If this comes up again (which it really shouldn’t ) I would just say you have ‘live in childcare’ which is the truth! You’re not lying about anything then and they wil probably assume you have a full time nanny.

Sorry what?

You got dumped while pregnant? You're in high tech which has HR. I just don't believe it.

All the interview questions, if true, suggest accommodating your baby with the role?

"Several times they've made it clear I'm a favourite". Just how?

Where is dad?

Where is the old job?

I have to be honest. I have never, ever talked about any of my children or my personal life in an interview.

Fill the gap with Freelance, none of their business you have a child.

You should absolutely report this and in future if you get asked again then politely decline to answer. It is not an appropriate question to ask anyone at first interview and quite possibly discrimination. If challenged ask how it's relevant to your ability to do the job and whether male applicants are also asked, they'll probably back down. This kind of thing makes me so angry. You also don't have to say you've been on maternity leave, say you had a career break or sabbatical or something.

I'm sure they shouldn't be asking this as it's discriminatory

I’m so sorry to hear this! I’ve had arguments about this with my male friends before and they just don’t understand the difficulties women face.

I really like how you phrased your message actually. You made it sound like it’s coming from a place of concern (ie you not getting the job) rather than accusatory and like you want to cause legal trouble. I think it would have been better if you didn’t include the link to the Uk government page because then you could have pretended like you didn’t even know they can’t ask this questions, almost absolving you from any responsibility if things go wrong for the company/interviewers

They’re a business, they can ask anything they feel is relevant to you being able to do the job, without anything impacting on the duty that holds. Sadly, young women always have this issue, but it’s still real for an employer. I worked for a business that had 4 people (from 7 employees), all go on maternity leave at the same time. It wasn’t sustainable. It’s not a care facility, but a business that struggled. Employers have a right to ensure they employ those that can do the job. As unfair as that may seem, it’s the reality of life. I wasn’t one of them but the way, but see how hard it can be for young mums. I also sympathise with employers.

Yes, this is exactly what the Equality Act is all about .. protecting businesses right to do as they like ( heavy sarcasm just in case that wasn't obvious)