Fuming about interview questions

[Bunny44]

I'm a single mum looking for a new job after losing my job and being dumped while pregnant. I started looking for a new job when he was 6 months and he's now 10 months.

As a single parent I need a job ASAP but I'm finding it so hard (for the first time in my life) to get one. I'm convinced in part because I now have a baby.

I try and avoid mentioning I have a baby but it tends to come up when they ask about the gap since my last job but also I've been asked several times now directly about my marital status and if I have kids. I dodge the marital status question all together but mention I have a baby. I've then had follow up questions like, "what are your childcare arrangements?" Or "will you be able to travel with a baby at home?"

Several times they've made it clear that I'm a favourite/they're very interested but then i get dropped for some BS reason as soon as I get this question (nearly always from a man in his 50s). I'm applying for jobs which I'm well qualified for and they're quite specific so usually I get invited to interview. I prepare a lot in advance and I usually get no negative feedback even when asking for it.

I work in tech and we're told that it's a modern industry, how much they care about people and equality but all seems such BS in reality. I've always been a high performer and never had an issue getting a job but it seems the moment you're pregnant suddenly you're no good and they don't care.

I've just been asked that question yet again today by yet again another man in his 50s and I'm so fed up. This was interview number 7 for the same job, so 7 hours of interviews, all of which were very positive but I just have a hunch I'm going to get yet another rejection... I've done maybe 40+ interviews now. I prep significant amounts of time which involves staying up late when my baby is sleeping or pulling favours from my mum. I'm so exhausted at this point.

What can I do? Should I let the in house recruiter know I was asked this question? Should I be rejecting to respond to questions like this?

OP, it is illegal to ask questions about marital status, children, age etc.
For this particular job if you got a feeling from last email that the application is getting derailed then your approach with email to recruiter is correct. I would add in the email smth along the lines “I have full coverage of childcare and it won’t affect my performance”.
for the future I would say not explain maternity leave if asked about gap - talk about travelling, personal time. If asked about children or any personal circumstances I would laugh, say “isn’t that illegal to ask? But yes I have a child (not baby) but I assure you it won’t impact my performance”. They will back off after that.
i know it is not fair but unfortunately as women we have to balance telling people to back off and assuring them you will perform

I don't have any or the right experience for public sector... my background is on the commercial side of the tech sector... what's Third sector?

Also don't think they'll pay enough to cover nursery fees, my mortgage (still have a house) etc

More seriously, I am sorry you're having this experience and your posts make sense.

35 years ago my mum of several young kids was looking at part time NHS jobs and not getting them.

Her recruiter friend advised her to declare the 6weeks of sick leave she’d had in every interview.

why?

for the hysterectomy she had….low and behold the job offers started rolling in!!

in the early 80s my.Mum was asked a question about childcare arrangements when applying for a school head teacher position. She was outraged and asked them if they would ask the same question of a man.

She got the job but was fuming about the sexist interview, and that was 40 years ago. I'm appalled it's still going on.

I work in local government and there is no way we would ever ask a question like that.

Absolutely Flag it up. And good luck with the job hunt

Third sector is charity/not for profit.

It’s absolutely not “illegal”, but it could be discriminatory if asked to one sex rather than everyone.

@Bunny44 it's bullshit that you are asked these questions. I am a man in my 50s and wouldn't dream of asking as it should have no bearing on the interview and would open me up to all sorts of discrimination. Of course there could be potential issues with childcare etc, but that could just as easily happen to any employee at any time, for any number of other reasons.

If you need the number of a decent recruitment agent, PM me and I'll pass it on to you.

Personally, I would be tempted to try just saying "I took some time off, not paid, not claiming benefits" and leave it there. The latter two points are only relevant as there would be nobody to ask for a reference during that time, and no paperwork to check for any unemployment. This assumes you weren't obviously. Change it if you were.

@Bunny44 you got some fantastic advice here especially the “gap on CV as Travel”

as a female who has been interviewed a lot (moving around as consultant ), I always get asked crappy questions… my focus is not to prove I am right at the interview, bring up diversity, speak up etc. My focus is to be a gentle, pleasant, polite gogetter who loves this opportunity and would do anything to get that effing job!

once you’re in, you can assess the situation calmly and it’s very likely that it’s not as bad towards mums as you think …

I personally would email the recruiter to say how much you’d love to be part of that company, if there is something else you need to provide to show how keen you are etc ….

if this doesn’t work, next time just don’t bring up kids… if they do, say you have fantastic support behind you and down play always !

good luck! X

I’d be inclined to email the HR contact inhouse, and say you enjoyed the interview, felt your skills were exactly what they are looking for, and that you thought you would fit right in. Then say you were surprised to be asked about childcare which you feel was not relevant yo the skills, competencies or work values required; that you’d like to flag this as it’s especially inappropriate for new parents returning to the workforce. Once again, thank you, hope to hear a favourable response regarding progress to the next stage, etc.

I’d get this in quickly to head off any PFO that might be coming your way.

Why is it, when I say we run a recruitment agency people assume we deal with blue collar or lower end multiple placements. We don’t, our last placement earns us fees of well let’s say we only need to place one candidate every month or two to be very comfortable. The lowest salary one our placements had was for over £70k 2 years ago. Yes we deal with technical staff, a lot of the time for mod, but certainly people who are near the top of their profession

so I do know what I’m talking about, there’s nothing wrong with moving home, a failed relationship and a baby, what is wrong is trying to hide the fact that actually when things got tough you dealt with it, calmly and professionally.

I think your response needs to be "I have live in child care so I am able to be fully dedicated to the role".

It's disgraceful that blatant sexism is still in force

If you lied about kids (said you had none), presumably they can't take action against you later if it was illegal for them to have asked in the first place?

I was recently made redundant whilst
pregnant (and already had a 2 year old) and so I just lied/hid the pregnancy during the interview and never mentioned my other child. I also take my wedding ring off. It absolutely sucks that we’re still in this position but quite honestly, if the world still isn’t level you don’t need to be either. I might change my answer on why the long gap to say caring responsibilities for an elderly relative before they went into a home (ie make it clear you don’t still have those responsibilities) and see how that goes. I imagine you won’t get many follow up
questions. It may feel dishonest but I would do whatever it takes to overcome the utter bullshit illegality of questioning you over your commitment due to children

I would be inclined to say "that's a really interesting question. Before I answer it, can you tell me if you have children?"

In terms of your actual question OP yes I would raise it with the recruiter asap. I actually don't think you've much to lose by doing so, and it's important shit like this is dealt with.

I think you're on to something there. We shouldn't have to but needs must.

Some people are saying you mustn't lie but family situation is nothing to do with most jobs.

Also people are always shocked when I say I was laid off while pregnant because they think you're protected (actually I was pretty much sacked because I was pregnant but I don't say that) however it obviously happens so much. Pregnant Then Screwed I think have stats on it and it's shocking.

Is it a gap in employment or just mat leave? If mat leave its not a gap if you're still employed so just change the dates on your CV.

Agree you definitely need to let the recruiter know and ask why childcare and your martial status is a skill relevant to the job.

And if you're not employed so it is a gap I'd just say "had to care for a relative but I don't need to now" and look a bit sad. It's not a lie and sad face should shut down any more prying

Then if you get the job just be alert for any other similar bollocks.

Yes I got laid off just before I had my baby so wasn't employed

Would appreciate any thoughts on what to say to the in house recruiter about the questions yesterday.

I have one more interview today (with a woman) so maybe I'll do it after that since they're in the US. I don't want to flag myself as a troublemaker, just to make them aware so they can take feedback into consideration especially if there are any questions about my commitment...

I know, I have been there, also in tech, and there is no way to politely not answer & get the job. What I'm saying is give the briefest shut down response/what they want to hear and move it on.

Get the job.

You shouldn't have to answer but you need a job.

It's not how things should be but you are at the start of a hard learning curve, this discrimination is real and present in every role I've had since I had a baby. And with the discrimination, the constructive dismissal due to mat leave etc, that's a fair few.

I personally wouldn’t say anything negative to the recruiter , I would say how much you would love to work there etx so that the recruiter does his best to get you that job . I wouldn’t talk about babies and families to the recruiter ! Recruiter = client but with a smile on

good luck for second interview but please don’t assume because it s a woman you can freely talk about your family time. I ve had different experience to this with women bosses

This is also good advice

Once an employer has asked those sort of interview questions, I don't think there is a way back.

Regarding other applications, I think there are two approaches really.

1. You are honest about your living arrangements. I know you don't want to talk about them, but having that much family support will make the childcare issue go away. Not only does it cover emergencies, it removes the doubt that you'll ever take advantage of working from home to attempt childcare and work at the same time. If you volunteer you have children, it would be wise to volunteer why that won't cause any problems. You shouldn't give away part of your personal life (being a mum) without also giving away the details that explain why your personal life won't interfere with your professional one (live-in grandparents).

2. You don't talk about children at all. Explain the career break as 'caring for a relative'. I mean, you were. But if you are careful how you frame it, with the right pauses and right tone of voice, they'll assume you were caring for an elderly relative who has since died, and they'll feel too awkward to ask any follow up questions. They also won't worry you'll need time off to look after anyone anymore.

If you are confident that being a mum will not impact negatively on your job, don't let the interviewers create a scenario where they are worried that it will.

Whilst I agree it is not a fair question to ask the majority of people, I interviewed a woman last year who had a 1 year old. I made general chit chat about nursery during the interview and it turned out she was planning to keep her baby at home whilst she worked! And yes this counted against her in the scoring.