Fuming about interview questions

[Bunny44]

I'm a single mum looking for a new job after losing my job and being dumped while pregnant. I started looking for a new job when he was 6 months and he's now 10 months.

As a single parent I need a job ASAP but I'm finding it so hard (for the first time in my life) to get one. I'm convinced in part because I now have a baby.

I try and avoid mentioning I have a baby but it tends to come up when they ask about the gap since my last job but also I've been asked several times now directly about my marital status and if I have kids. I dodge the marital status question all together but mention I have a baby. I've then had follow up questions like, "what are your childcare arrangements?" Or "will you be able to travel with a baby at home?"

Several times they've made it clear that I'm a favourite/they're very interested but then i get dropped for some BS reason as soon as I get this question (nearly always from a man in his 50s). I'm applying for jobs which I'm well qualified for and they're quite specific so usually I get invited to interview. I prepare a lot in advance and I usually get no negative feedback even when asking for it.

I work in tech and we're told that it's a modern industry, how much they care about people and equality but all seems such BS in reality. I've always been a high performer and never had an issue getting a job but it seems the moment you're pregnant suddenly you're no good and they don't care.

I've just been asked that question yet again today by yet again another man in his 50s and I'm so fed up. This was interview number 7 for the same job, so 7 hours of interviews, all of which were very positive but I just have a hunch I'm going to get yet another rejection... I've done maybe 40+ interviews now. I prep significant amounts of time which involves staying up late when my baby is sleeping or pulling favours from my mum. I'm so exhausted at this point.

What can I do? Should I let the in house recruiter know I was asked this question? Should I be rejecting to respond to questions like this?

Gap in CV - caring for a family member

There are two approaches, you could be indignant that they've asked, complain, refuse to answer, and you'd be right, but you won't get the job.

Or you could have an excellent answer which will allay their fears, about your amazing support network and how you have multiple people who can take baby at the drop of a hat, and get yourself a job.

It's not right, but you have to play the game.

I would make that a phone call, I wouldn’t commit it to writing until I got the job and was in post

Everyone suggesting snarky responses is absolutely right, but no one's going to be offered a job after giving an answer like that.

He was not the hiring manager but I'd work closely with him and his team.

Definitely let them know. I work in tech (and lead a lot of recruitment) and I'd be furious if any of my team asked that question in an interview.

Again, you're absolutely right to make those points, but you won't get the job. You'll sound like trouble. It's awful, but that's the fact.

You might help women who follow you, but it won't help you.

You need to evade the questions more. They aren't allowed to discriminate on grounds of maternity etc but they very often do.

When asked about the gap in your CV you say "I've had some caring responsibilities. I've structured things so I'm confidently available for working hours now and have found that searching for the next opportunity feeling like a full time job. For example I was researching more about (something relevant to this job) amd got really interested in (thing this you can change the subject to) which is what brought me here today"

If they ask more directly about children or marital status look concerned/confused and say "isn't that an illegal question to ask in a job interview? This seems like such a modern and switched-on workplace with a diverse workforce, I wouldn't have expected that to be relevant to you decision." Any weaselly stuff about checking if you're actually available you can reply with "I know I can be available for standard working hours and will be able to work outside of those hoirs occasionally given enough notice"

@Trainday I've already tried that tactic but doesn't seem to be working. Thing is I'm not always asked about childcare just if I have children... so then I'm just randomly volunteering that info?

I wouldn't reply rudely either... just trying to avoid having to talk about it

I presume any candidate gets asks to explain gaps in the work history, but i would presume as women are biologically only able to have children if they have about a year gap i would presume the first question is baby related, sure right or wrong I would not think ansy many men have this size gap, yes there would be some but maybe not as many as women

If there is a hint of a baby/child then I presume childcare is there next question maybe to save the candidate asking "can I ask if I can WFM and do childcare so I dont have to pay''

I presume the claim discrimination you would have to prove it?, if a candidate does not answer a question I would presume there is something going on

But if I don't say something im also unlikely to get the job?

I think if you're asked about children you can "joke" "I didn't think you're allowed to ask that", but you still need to tell them why it's absolutely not going to be a problem for them, that's why they're asking after all, and you can give a broader answer that he question they asked.

Men don’t mention their kids in interviews therefore you shouldn’t either!
that’s why they don’t get childcare questions.
also if you do mention your child , don’t then say you are a single mum!
that will stop all the questions I reckon

I had a huge gap on my cv caring for my disabled children but, for the job I have now, there was no discussion about childcare arrangements. I mostly wfh and my bosses are supremely flexible about school pick ups, vet visits etc

there are companies out there that aren’t stuck in the dark ages and that ask discretionary questions at interview and those are the companies you need

i work in tech tool

I would presume gaps in CV gets questions not so much chidren generally

They aren’t but they know candidates know they can end up being effectively blackballed from their industry if they take a legal case.

OP I presume you are applying to the private sector? This will not happen to you in public sector jobs. You might want to try targeting those ( though cut backs mean there are fewer jobs going). Third sector should be less discriminatory too ( thereotically). My third sector employer was superbly family friendly when they offered me a job when I had a toddler.

Lie. Say you went travelling. If they find out and challenge you at a later date you can say you did go travelling - it’s just that you were also pregnant.

Also lie if they ask if you’ve got kids. They can’t sack you when they find out can they?

It's not what you should have to do but just say you have a live in nanny. Get your foot in the door at any job then move on from there.

WTF is this comment? Sorry but you sound like the man from my interview, making assumptions that women want to WFH and look after children at the same time?? Clearly not possible in a senior role. Also in my industry lots of men have long gaps due to lay offs too. Mine isn't nearly a year.

They shouldn't make assumptions or ask about children. Not relevant.

I have childcare arrangements. This post isn't about that.

And no lying on an application or in an interview is not advisable and I cant beleive this needs to be said

Blow their minds. Tell them you have a wife at home who is a stay at home mother (like all those important men have).

If they are asking that question, that's probably the only arrangement they can imagine.

You can always break up with your mythical wife once you've got the job ...

Not every single thing was aimed as your specific circumstances, we are not in court so did not think every single thing had to be explained in the that detail

They shouldn't be asking this question. Play them at their own game - lie and say you are childfree.

This.

I'd also be tempted, if they ask about children, look shocked "gosh, do you ask all the candidates that?" <smile> "bit risky!"

Or, you smile and say "yes, so now I'm the breadwinner for the household so the right role is really important to me".