WFH with toddler

[Atypicalmumm]

Hi, I wondered if anyone has some advice. My son is nearly 3, when he was born we brought a house that needed fully renovating and took up all of our money, it was incredibly hard and the worst time of my life. I had to go back to work full time when he was 9 months old to be able to earn enough money for us to survive. Trouble is I didn’t have enough money to also put him into pre school. My work made it clear I couldn’t wfh with him and I’ve been doing it without them knowing, apart from that in September I did put him in two mornings a week into pre school as this is all I can afford. As well as going into the office twice a week, that’s the best I could do. Now he can get 15 hours free but his pre school have no extra hours for him.
its been really difficult but I’ve managed so far, just the fact it’s made me totally miserable and I cry every day. Because the guilt and jealousy I see of all my friends who don’t work because they get benefits and I’m not entitled to any, because I have a mortgage. I feel like my son is behind in his speech because of me, I feel like he watches too much Tv because of me and my working I can’t take him out apart from at the weekends. My work monitor my work and when I’m away from my laptop and I’ve been pulled up recently about being away for too long (an hour).
Im so miserable, and angry at myself for buying the house and putting myself in this position. I feel like my sons last two years have flown by and I’ve missed half of it. I don’t know what advice I need, really I’d like to be able to go part time and maybe get benefits to make up the extra money but I can’t so I’m stuffed basically, just miserable

Covid home schooling is a WORLD away from actual homeschooling. People on here have got a lot of nerve assuming people they don’t know do things “half arsed”. Try again and show some support.

Covid home schooling is a WORLD away from actual homeschooling. People on here have got a lot of nerve assuming people they don’t know do things “half arsed”. Try again and show some support.

& also she said in reference to selling her house and travelling, not staying in that job and struggling to juggle life. I’m a strong believer that people are capable of living their life differently than the norm if they want to & equally able to raise and provide education for their children in ways out of the same old life timeline we seem to choose in the UK.

Sure, travelling and home schooling is a world away from wfh and home schooling, no one is arguing with that.

It's trying to hold a full time job and home schooling is half arsed for both

Pretty nasty calling people you know nothing about 'benefit scroungers'

Could any of your sahm friends help you out for a few months? Maybe have your little one during the day in exchange for you babysitting in return on a weekend night? Do any of your friends have a sensible teenager who could child mind for a few quid while you're in the next room?

Definitely try the Entitled to website. You might qaulify for some help with childcare costs. If no nursery places are available, you can use your 30 hrs for a childminder

I'm sorry but what you are doing is wrong and it's breaking you by the sounds. I think find a preschool or childminder that gives you the 15 free hours, then reduced your work hours to match what you can afford childcare wise above 15 hours.

Your friend wanting to prove the assumption that people who work from home don’t work?

Yes of course sorry I might have got my wires crossed.

This has got to be a joke surely? Luckily I do have an annual pass to a local farm and activity centre because my mum bought it for my babies birthday (she's under 3 so goes free and it's for 2 adults so that's great). But suggesting I just buy an annual pass for £100...I don't have £100 left of a month to buy a pass.

Ditto shopping at Tesco. That seems absolutely insane to me that people can afford to not shop at Lidl or Aldi. I can't be spending hundreds of pounds at Tesco when I'm scraping pounds together to shop at Aldi.

You make some good points about employers, but there also has to be a balance. A lot of people who have professional careers don’t just work 9-5. If I took 1 hour away from my desk, nobody would notice (or care!) because I have a career where it’s expected that you work as required, to get the job done. This works both ways - there has to be trust.

If OP is working later on for example (I suspect she isn’t, but I want to make this point anyway), after the child goes to bed, what’s the issue if she is away from her desk for 1 hour during the day?

Wfh has to be about trust on BOTH sides. I agree that it sounds like OP can’t be trusted, but I think it’s unfair to say that employers should be entitled to behave this way in every circumstance, as a lot of roles are of a nature that cannot be constantly monitored.

If OP is working later on for example (I suspect she isn’t, but I want to make this point anyway), after the child goes to bed, what’s the issue if she is away from her desk for 1 hour during the day?

A lot of jobs expect you to be available for certain hours. If (for example) you are available for clients, then it's not good being available after working hours. If you need to have meetings with colleagues, then you can't have those meetings if you are all randomly choosing the hours you want to work.

On the basis that OP is knowingly looking after a toddler despite it being against her company's polices, it's hard to make the case her company should trust her.

I agree. Real home-schooling is a full-time commitment and involves hands-on teaching as well a paying for tutors for appropriate subjects, but there is great support from Education Otherwise, which links up home-schoolers.