Tell me about your colleagues’ cheeky fuckery

[fuseboom]

A colleague volunteered me for something to my boss without discussing it with me first. I don’t want to be too outing but it’s somewhat akin to volunteering me for night shifts if I typically worked day shifts a and only day shifts were in my contact.

I spoke to my boss about it and they said that this colleague had said someone in another department had asked him to do this. I think this person doesn’t exist 🤣.

I see the funny side as my boss fully backs me up. The colleague is not a malicious person I just think they didn’t want to do this particular work themselves anymore (not unreasonable) but didn’t dare just say so so the solution was to pass it on to yours truly 🤔😂. Without me agreeing. 👀

Please share your stories of your colleague related cheeky fuckery 😊

I wanted to do something as part of my job but couldn't as my department doesn't allow its staff to do it.

A colleague in another dept got it.

I am a union rep and they are now complaining to me about the role and what they are being expected to do 😡

I have zero sympathy

Hard to explain without being too outing.

Work in a job where we have various responsibilities and 2 or 3 times a week we just deal with 'emergencies' think social worker type thing. You do this job in pairs.

You work until the job is done, you start at 8 and could potentially finish at 7pm.

One colleague I have offered to help in past when it's not 'my day' have been half through do doing a task to help his ass and he is packing up to leave as he is now finished.

We have been paired up together and he has asked me to finish up 'because he has x very important thing to get to/do after work' I'm probably not assertive enough but the sheer cheek astounds me.

Needless to say I don't volunteer my help to him if we aren't paired up. Not only due to his cheeky fuckery but due to the fact if you ask him to do you a favour he will never agree but always want one out of you.

We had pizza Fridays at work, the company would order and pay for heaps of pizza for all departments. One particular employee would stand waiting for the pizza to be delivered, then take plates upon plates of slices and scurry away with them. We assumed she was taking them back to her department to share with everyone there..... nope she was taking them home to FREEZE them and save them for herself to eat for the weekend!! Oh and may I add in case anyone thinks she was poor, she was very well paid and lived a comfortable life!

Similar to Blonday2023 My previous workplace provided a limited amount of free fruit for staff. There was a fruit bowl or 2 in each department and they were filled once a week, early in the morning. One member of staff went round the office first thing as soon as they were filled and took several pieces from each bowl so then kept them in his drawer for his own consumption. The more bowls of fruit that were put out the more he took. He was definitely not poor or in need of food, just grabby and selfish.

Colleague applied for a four day week on her return from maternity leave. Our dept lead asked what her plan was in regards to her workload - it was company policy that anyone who wanted flexibility had to have a plan to cover their work and present this with their application. Colleague’s answer was that she thought I could do it. I was already working full time on projects that were very different from hers and she hadn’t discussed any of this with me.
Cheeky mare. Boss was having none of it, luckily.

I worked 3 days a week, another colleague had a baby and wanted to work 3 days a week. I worked Mon/Tues/Weds I got called into the office and got told I had to work Weds/Thurs/Fri now as she had childcare issues and that the only days she could do. I said ok turns out the only reason she wanted those days is because she wanted to go to a baby sensory class for a half hour on a Thursday and she fancied a Friday off.

A recent request from a member of staff to only work 30 hours a week but continue being paid as full time. No attempt to even justify the absurd request, they just didn't see why we might have an issue with that.

Years ago a colleague was late every day. When challenged he said it was impossible for him to get in on time because he liked to stay up late and needed to sleep in so that he wasn't tired!

I had a colleague who was well known as a pain in the arse and shifty as. He happened to be on holiday in the same region (not the same country) where there was a significant natural disaster. He claimed his return flight had been cancelled due to said disaster and there wasn’t another one for two weeks, thereby gaining himself an extra two weeks holiday.

This turned out to be not quite true - his flight had been cancelled and he’d been offered one two days later but to a different airport (Heathrow as opposed to Gatwick) but despite having no reason not to return to a different airport, he’d decided to dig his heels in and try to get additional holiday.

They would have made a good couple! It's soooo grabby isn't it. I am cringing remembering it!

Almost all of my colleagues are CFs, turning up whenever they want, working whatever days they want, stealing from the company, etc. Whatever, the bosses are too incompetent to deal with it so it seems to now be the company culture. My current huge irritation is that one of my colleagues in my department has recently cut her hours (leaving us short staffed) and now keeps telling me which shifts of mine she’s put in her diary to work instead of me because she’s “losing money otherwise.” No.

In a nursery.

30 min before they are due to leave, they will 'disappear' to do non care rated duties. Check the laundry, organise the nappy area, check for ripped books.

Basically anything but help look after thchildrenen, then at 4.00pm, good bye everyone see you tomorrow.

I am really good at spotting patterns and things like this piss me off. I work at a long term agency placement so its not my place to say but I have mentioned it to a permanent staff member and now they can't unsee it and have tried to be out of the room so that the person has to stay in ratio now and then. They get really huffy.

I had a colleague who, amongst many other things, was responsible
for ordering food for working lunches etc.

She would slightly over-order, say order for 8 instead of 6, and then when the food arrived she’d hide half of it and take it home for her husband. Lunches would always look really sparse for the number of people, but nobody ever pulled her on it. She’s left now (presumably
to somewhere with a fancier caterer) but I still can’t get over the brass neck of it.

This reminds me of one of DHs colleagues years ago. They moved much further away and when they found out how much the train fare was decided to come in off peak and said they would be in later (and leave earlier so would be working 1 hr less per day) When they got their first wage slip after this was arranged they complained and said they hadn't realised that working fewer hours would result in less pay.....

LMAO-ing at all these!!!

I have a colleague who I job share with, who does the following:

• Refuses to take over some things, acting as if they are my personal responsibility because I "started" them
• Doesn't show up at my site (for things she needs to practise) then hounds me for help as she's got no clue what's what
• Is supposed to write "professional" reports, yet spelling and grammar is worse than an 8 year old's
• Is acting like she wants to compete with me, take over, or knows better (even though she's just started the job and I have a lot more knowledge/experience)

That's just my colleague, don't get me started on all my horrible bosses!

I have a colleague who can't really write/ spell very easily and it takes her a very long time to do any written work. I think she's dyslexic - completely fair enough and no problems with that. But there is quite a large element of writing in her job role.

She refuses to use any technology/ assistance to help her with it, but frequently tries to get me to do written work for her. She says we should all work to our strenghts. "This is your skill set peach, it's what you're good at and we should play to our strengths".

So fucking cheeky! (And no offers for her to pick up any of my work in return, of course). She needs to sort it with management if she can't do her job, not palm it off on others.

That's stealing. I'd sack them.

Similar to the above, say that the job was A B C D E F tasks - had a colleague who would only do A B C and wasn't very good at D E F so avoided them as much as possible. D E F were more challenging, but it is possible to get better at them if you practice.
I flagged to boss that D E F werent getting done after giving her multiple chances/offers of support and explaining that her not doing D E F impacted my work.
Boss said 'well, we should play to your strengths - you are good at D E F so it makes sense for you to do those and she can concentrate on A B C'
But it wasn't the kind of job where you could NOT do A B C and JUST do D E F - so I was supposed to do all of it, while she did the easy half and get paid the same? Still annoyed thinking about it and that was years ago!

I have a colleague who's obsessed with getting food for free. We have an annual workplace hog roast/BBQ and somehow mysteriously his wife and child 'who just happen to be in the area', always pop in to get some food too. She just walks in and joins the food queue and it's so brazen that no one has yet said anything.

Whenever there's cake or biscuits that people have brought in, he takes a slice for himself and wraps up two to take home (one for wife, one for child). Someone at work has a relative who has a small grocery/corner shop and she recently brought in a big pile of nearly-out of date canned food. He was spotted grabbing a carrier bag from his car to load up.

Recently I was given a load of chocolates for my birthday so took some into the office and walked round offering them to people. He stood there and took six, one for him, his wife, child and one for each of their extended family who'd come to stay for the week.

I do not think he is poor, underpaid or hungry by the way. We are Facebook friends and he seems to have a good quality of life. He just obsesses over taking 'free' food and using it to treat his family.

An ex colleague of mine had a baby with his wife. When he realised how much time off he could have in our very flexible workplace he then, when said baby was 4 months old, invented another pregnancy.

He had time off for umpteen appointments for this difficult pregnancy. Even brought the older baby to work a few times as his wife was struggling (everyone pitched in to help out).

There was no second baby. He had planned to say there was a miscarriage, which was 10 days paid compassionate leave where we worked, but then a colleague miscarried twins and he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

He brought in photos of the “new baby”, but never brought the baby in saying that his wife was too anxious to be parted from her and people believed him. He then panicked and walked out randomly one day when he realised that a new start used to with with his SIL.

Amazingly management originally planned to deal with it by sending him for counselling. Various colleagues made plain they considered he’d stolen for them - the collection for baby #2 was worth in the region of £500 and had been given in cash as they were struggling financially he said.
in the end he was only sacked because claiming the two weeks government paid paternity leave was actually fraud and the workplace had to sort out that they’d claimed it and he wasn’t entitled.

There was a thread on here around a year ago where OP was incensed she was getting less money now that she had reduced her hours (at her request).
She just couldn’t get her head around why it wasn’t completely unfair

I work with the laziest and most cheeky fucker I've ever met

Say you work in fast food-you have to take the order,print it,start putting the order together then either walk round and give it to the customer or take it outside to their car

This lazy fucker will pick up a bag or a tray-and just stand there,expecting someone else to take it and deal with it for the sake of the customer as she'd stand there until doomsday rather than just get on with it

She's been pulled up on it so many times but nothing changes

She's also first in line,claws out to grab as much as she can if there's a sniff of a freebie

(I sometimes take in home baked goodies for my colleagues-I always double check that she's not on shift as she'd take the lot-tin included)

It was so funny watching her fill her bag for life yesterday with just-out-of-date-but-ok-to-eat sauces-the bag was brimming

If you listen to her moaning,she's the hardest worker there though

Blimey @YetMoreNewBeginnings I’d like to read the novel based on that story.

I worked in HR for a large well known company in London. I had a couple of similar CF requests:

1. a member of staff moved to a bigger house. They then came and told me they needed a pay rise as their mortgage was now unaffordable!

2. another member of staff worked late evenings. They decided to move to Poole so that they could enjoy sailing and windsurfing. After moving, they advised that they now had to finish a lot earlier every day so that they could catch the last train home.

My response to both? Perhaps you shouldn't have moved!

Every Friday at work around 2pm our canteen at work give away sandwiches that wont keep over the weekend. One particular chap who is tight lurks around at that time and will take a trayful back to his office and stuffs them in his backpack. Apparently he takes them home to freeze then brings them for his lunches throughout the week. He doesnt care that other people may like one. We find it comical now.