Tell me about your colleagues’ cheeky fuckery

[fuseboom]

A colleague volunteered me for something to my boss without discussing it with me first. I don’t want to be too outing but it’s somewhat akin to volunteering me for night shifts if I typically worked day shifts a and only day shifts were in my contact.

I spoke to my boss about it and they said that this colleague had said someone in another department had asked him to do this. I think this person doesn’t exist 🤣.

I see the funny side as my boss fully backs me up. The colleague is not a malicious person I just think they didn’t want to do this particular work themselves anymore (not unreasonable) but didn’t dare just say so so the solution was to pass it on to yours truly 🤔😂. Without me agreeing. 👀

Please share your stories of your colleague related cheeky fuckery 😊

Husband asked 2 of his friends to work at his company. In IT. They all had company cars just VW golf's. Funnily, after a while they kept opting for my husband to go to site jobs 3 hours plus away from where we lived as they didn't like to travel far although they all had cars paid for. One wanted to make sure he was at the butchers at 4pm on a Tuesday to get his tea. One of them also got his wife to take his VW golf to HER work place so that it wastes that mileage and not their brand new Merc they had sat on the driveway. Husband got pissed in the end got a job that pays twice as much!

He’s a vile man. He genuinely thought when he explained to everyone they’d see that he didn’t mean it to go on as long as it did so that would be ok…

@Sianthomasisnothererightnow This has gobsmacked me. What on Earth was going on in his head that he thought this was a good idea!

He just wanted some extra time off without working for the flex.

He was a twat. He once complained when we were told we were no longer allowed newspapers or books on our desks except on breaks. He actually felt this was unfair.

even though the policy was brought in because people were taking the piss and finishing stories or chapters before answering calls.

haha!
I'd have smacked his hand, or just picked one and given it to the greedy b***

I worked with someone who came back from maternity leave on 2 days a week, she had previously done 5 days. She booked a ton of leave when she came back and seemed surprised when she had no more to book. She thought she'd still have 30 + 8 holidays, her working days were Wednesday and Thursday so she had added those to her entitlement, thinking she'd be able to book around 19 weeks of her leave per year.

At my workplace we have a relatively small car park and slightly too many vehicles arriving to fit into it comfortably, so on occasion, people have to block each other in, and then ask the other person to move theirs when they need to get out. We all co-operate, and it is a tight squeeze but usually works well.

Last week someone came into my office and asked me to move my car and as I went out, she was rather terse and told me not to block her in any more. Where would she like me to park I asked, looking around at a sea of vehicles, and she glared at me and pointed to my car, saying 'I dunno, just not there'.

If she does it again, I'll have to remind her that the company I work for actually owns the building and the car park, and she only works for a business tenant who just rents office space.

Not on the scale of some of these but we have a colleague who was late to every shift, between 10 minutes to half an hour. Manager had a word but no change so he did a disciplinary. The colleague said he wasn't accepting it because in his bizz (he produces music part time) it just doesn't matter. He just did not understand that he's stealing time from the company up to an hour a week, also the colleague he would be relieving would have to stay until he showed up.
Manager said it would go on his record whether he accepted it or not and he does now mostly turn up on time.
I don't understand the mindset of people who think the rules don't apply to them.

Turning up 9am from second day as opposed to 8:30am we both heard first end of first day. Arrive 08:30 I wouldn’t have minded but to get up 6/6.30am to facilitate others arriving late who lived nearer was a Joke. (Always the way)

I’m sure the right person started…

This sort of thing absolutely infuriates me, not least because a tonne of people will read and question what’s wrong with it, or will have some the same, or think it’s smart to game the system because “feminism”. Women have had to fight so hard for so long for the measly crumbs of equality we have, this sort of thing just plays into the hands of those arguing against leveling the playing field. Such CFery, that harms so so many peopl 🤬🤬

Added bank holidays to her entitlement, that should say.

I've not long left this place. Of a team of 4, 3 did as little as they could with me picking up the slack.

It's typical call centre type work and we would be in the office a few days a week. The rest of the team would not answer calls saying they are too busy and it would always be me answering. The manager told them to answer more but it never happened. I would sit in the office (as would the manager) and hear their phones ringing and them ignoring or rejecting. It meant I wouldn't be able to get on with my allocated work load. As part of my exit interview I ran stats to evidence that I was doing the majority of the work because the rest of the team just weren't willing. I'd done this numerous times with my boss and they did nothing. I answered over 600 calls in the allocated period and the next person answered just over 100. The calls are equally allocated and then move to the next person in the queue if no answer. The worst culprit, I think was just 7. Similar figures on emails, allocated work resolved and outbound calls. I felt like an overworked dog for the last 12 months but was still treated poorly.

I had a colleague a while back try it with me. I worked in product development, and each team member owned a section of our overall product. This colleague calls me up and says, 'So, in order to get my bit of the product to work the way it needs to, I'm going to have to make substantial changes to your part of the product, which will change the way the user actally uses it, and might make it less stable (paraphrasing a bit). Oh and because the bulk of the changes are in your section now, you will need to take over the change in full, and just finish off the detsils that make it work for my bit. You'll need to write the change spec and liaise with the client on it.'

Basically trying to hand off three weeks worth of work to me to do, which would make his section of the product better, and break my own bit in the process, leaving me to find a way to fix the resulting breakage which would inevitably occur.

On further probing, it tuned out that he absolutely did not need to make huge changes to my product, he could do what he wanted on his side without touching my product, but it meant more work for him, and it was a faff. So I told him no, he could do his changes himself in a way that doesn't break my part of the product. Which would mean he would need to write the specification and deal with the client.

I don't think he appreciated that. He called a meeting with the next level up in the team. She told him the same thing. Nice try Bob.

Kind of similar though not about a colleague as I work alone.
I am a childminder for over 23 years now. About 10 years ago I was a minding a lovely young lad. I'd been minding him for about a year or less. His dad arrived to collect him one evening & asked me if they could increase the hours I had him. All in it was an extra 15/20 hours a week. I said it wouldn't be a problem & id let him know how much extra i would charge. Well, he looked at me like I'd spoken in another language & then proceeded to scream, and I mean scream, in my face about how cheeky I was to even suggest such a thing. He was in such a rage I could feel his spit land on my face. This was while standing in the middle of my kitchen. I calmly told him to get out of my house & never set foot in it again. I said he could consider this my 4 weeks notice as per contract & I would only deal with his wife for those 4 weeks. I also said if he dared come back to my house I would phone the Garda.
He was absolutely incensed.
The next day his wife, who was lovely & I hated letting down, arrived & cried & begged me to reconsider but I stood my ground. I told her I wouldn't be spoken to like that by anyone especially in my own home.
Thankfully it hasn't happened before or since but it really shook me.

A friend of mine was a very well paid auditor in a large multinational.
He entered the gents' toilets one day to see a fellow auditor stuffing loo rolls into his briefcase.

We noticed that all the treats in our kitchen went missing in the evenings. One of the Office Managers asked the cleaners if they knew what was happening (probably half accusing them tbh which was completely unfair). The cleaner described a man who came in in the evenings after everyone left and had been stuffing his pockets with treats and going home. It was a man who worked in our office and he was really well paid. He had a flat right beside the office and he would go home and normal time and then sneak back to nick crappy old quality streets 😂😂. Ridiculous

This is probably outing as I've moaned about this in RL.

I'm new in a civil service role and a team member calls in to say 'Can you tell the boss I won't be in as my girlfriend has gone into hospital to have our baby'. Of course I say.

3 days later colleague rings in again and says to me 'Can you tell the boss that my girlfriend has gone into hospital to have our baby' I say 'Alan, you rang us 3 days ago to tell us this' and he replied 'Er no that was my other girlfriend'.

He's had 2 kids with different women only 3 days apart and 1 of them actually worked in our office! He got 4 weeks paternity leave as he'd had 2 kids!!!!!

Name of CF has been changed.

So how did you actually verify the truth?

@AnneElliott as in I'm wondering what 'proof' he submitted... 2 birth certificates?
This is hilarious

Basically refuses to do fuck all but in the most annoying way possible.
•Refuses to do all but one small job out of our list of daily tasks
•Makes a huge fuss about doing this task and making sure eveyone knows it's their job.
•9 out of 10 times forgets to complete this task or leaves it so late I've already done it by the time they get round to it.

•Insists they cannot do other jobs as they are 'manning the desk' but actually sits watching films with headphones on ignoring every customer who approaches.
•Take double their allotted break time shouting 'see u in 30 mins' but actually takes 60
•Finds the most ridiculous excuses to skive off
•Has the worst double standards ever; once left me on my own for an hour to pop out to their car then screamed at me the next day for leaving them at the desk for 10 mins while I returned stock to the shelves. Also dobbed in a seasonal staff member for running 5 mins over their break time
•Doesn't follow any rules or procedures.
•Has been working there longer then me but uses the excuse 'I didn't know' when they are prompted about their lack of following procedures
•Refused to work a 5 day week so I have to cover.

•Leaves 10 mins early evey day
•Brags about refusing to use holiday leave and instead 'just makes up an emergency in order to take paid leave'
•Goes sick about 50% of the year
•Calls in sick every time I have planned leave becuase 'last time you were off I actually had to work'
•Moaned to another colleague that I took so much holiday
•Said it was fucking disgusting that a colleague with an autoimmune disease was allowed to take holiday on top of sick pay.
•Moans constantly about how tired they are
•Will completely ignore eveything going on around them until they see an opportunity to show off; they will then quite literally knock me flying out of the way to take a situation over.
•Constantly undermines and belittles me in front of the seasonal staff and once screamed that I was a stupid girl when I asked them not to do this; I am middle aged!
•Constantly trying to work some fucking angle to get more money for less work
•Tries to get me to present these mad-cap ideas to my boss as my own.
•Used to try and get me to do their dirty work; i.e. call boss and ask if we can go early. Now I am wise to it they force the seasonal staff to do it instead!

Several years ago I was training my replacement, as I was leaving to move away. I was an accounts junior who processed 100+ invoices a week for a construction company. I had to scan and email the invoices to the Quantity Surveyors for approval. I was going through all the tasks and when it came to showing him how to scan and file the invoices, he looked me dead in the eye and said "Oh, I don't want to do that. That's boring. Can someone else do it?" Ummmm, no.... That's pretty much the job you applied for!

I'm not sure he had to provide proof. Colleagues were well aware he had 2 girlfriends before the babies arrived so it was true - not like the bloke from the pp that made it up!

CF eventually married one of the girlfriends I believe and then promptly started a relationship with another woman in the office. I honestly couldn't see what they saw in him!!!

Maybe they're one of those polyamorous people? idk

My colleague who was hired on exact same basis & duties as I was approached our boss to ask that because she's older than me, I should describe her as my Superior to other colleagues/clients.

At this point I was further in my studies (she was a level behind me and had no intention of progressing) but she said "technically I'm your manager by age & experience so you should run things by me"

She also managed to reduce her hours due to her son's school times so would say 2-3 hours before leaving "marbles, as I'm leaving soon I can't possibly start this task- I'm delegating to you."

I briefed a newly hired junior hire on a task and gave them the flexibility to do it however they liked. They couldn’t work out how to do it (I believe they told me it was impossible…) so I sat down and explained exactly how I’d do it. They then asked me why I’d asked them to it if I already knew how to do it myself…

I was almost a CF once but my friend got there first. We worked in an old building and when the kitchen was being renovated I had my eye on a lovely oak linen press that would be going as part of the renovations. Very disappointed to come into work and find that it had gone before I'd had a chance to 'liberate' it. A couple of months later I went round to my friends house to pick her up for a night out and was admiring her lovely oak linen press when I realised what I was looking at. She'd gone with some men and a van and timed it so she was the last one in the building but not late enough that anyone would be suspicious. It wouldn't fit in the lift so they had to wrangle it down some stone stairs. She didn't need to worry about anyone being suspicious because the security guard helped as it was quite large and heavy.

When I worked in the US, on an evening shift we would regularly order in from a local delivery place. We would collect our cash plus tip, and one colleague would always jump up to meet the delivery guy saying she hoped it was the cute guy 😍. One evening, though, they refused to take our order as we never tipped. Enthusiastic colleague had been pocketing the 20% every time…

A different company, the CEO’s PA said she needed complete privacy when franking outgoing post because her work was so confidential. I walked in (I was a senior manager) to see her franking all her Christmas cards - or maybe the CEO was sending post to lots and lots of people who happened to share her last name 🤔