DH's colleague thwarting flex working request

[mamabeeboo]

Hi all

We are due twins in 8 weeks time, really excited/nervous/stressed, but trying to prepare as much as we can. 😁

DH works in two different shift patterns alternating weekly. One week 6-2pm, next week 9-5pm, then back to 6am.

The plan for the twins is for DH to submit a flexible working request, where he can do 6-2pm shift indefinitely. So we can keep nursery costs down by paying for half day for the twins until 1pm. I can take my lunch break until DH gets back. This works for us financially, for obvious reasons.

The flex working request means his colleague is stuck on the later shift, which is the "worse shift" since you don't have a free afternoon, you are stuck on your own finishing everything etc etc. No real reason other than it's a bit of an inconvenience.

Question - what do we need to be aware of when submitting a flexi working request? Is there anything we can explain on the request to make sure that feedback from colleague is not a reason for a no? Does management even have to share the request to colleagues to get some understanding on how this would be received? Ideally we would like to keep it confidential.

Of course manager will consider the impact on the team, but technically 'colleague doesn't like it' isn't a reason for a decline according to the gov website. But he can make life a bit difficult for DH and kick off quite a bit. He seems to be quite a rowdy person from the few times I have met him.

Several years ago I was employed part time (afternoons)& the woman I worked with (mornings) wanted to change to 3 full days so that she could look after her grandchild for 2 days per week. This would mean that my hours/pay would be reduced. They asked me if I was happy with that & I said no. She threw a strop & cried at the boss. It didn't help that she refused to do any extra training so she wouldn't have been able to cover my tasks. She left.

Sorry but I'd be significantly pissed off if a colleagues request got approved resulting in me getting a crap shift all the time. You can't take priority over all other staff cos you'd had a baby. Everybody needs to be considered. Also if there is a business need to have shifts then be might not get it.

Try looking at a part time nanny. It might work out cheaper than 3 childcare places.

I hope the answer is NO!!! Why should the colleague have to have the shit shift just because you want your husband home to have the babies do what everyone else does and either you work evenings like a lot of parents do or pay for childcare on the weeks you need to under no circumstances should the colleague feel they have to do the shit shift to suit some entitled woman and her family.

Have you taken into account the govts support that is changing in 2025? You'll get more help with fees. Also if you have grandparents will to help then take it. Even if you pay them to help you with all 3. A CM might be cheaper too

Can't see any manager agreeing this shift change as the other person has a right to feel disgruntled. You sound very entitled and personally I hope your DH gets his request knocked back and has to do more shifts he doesn't like.

I agree!!

This happened to me. A new colleague agreed to permanently work an early half day one day a week to spend time with her kid which meant that I would always have to work a late shift that day and would be alone for 6 hours instead of the usual 2. I wasn’t consulted at all and my shifts were just changed without a word. Luckily she left before I could kick up a fuss. You can request it but don’t expect to be treated favourably because you’re parents

Surely this is the epitome of an individualistic mentality? They only you and yours count?

I mean you are complaining because you don't like the advise given, whether you asked under AIBU or not. You literally titles your rant "DH's colleague thwarting flex working request" as if he is deliberately trying to stop your request.

Just to clarify they can and probably will refuse under the grounds that
A- the work cannot be reorganised among other staff (as it would be unfair to so so and allocate all the difficult shifts to one individual)
B- flexible working will affect quality and performance (Because in doing so this will create hostility between colleagues due to the unfair allocation of shifts).
There are plenty reasons they can refuse and they aren't all clear cut. But if any manager did sanction it they would more than likely face a tribunal from the other colleague sue to unfair shift allocation in favour of your DH's hours.

You can ask but don’t be surprised if it’s a no. You also have to get over the “unfairness” of nursery fees. I had a toddler then twins and found a nanny cheaper than nursery. I dropped my hours and went freelance, doing my work when dh was home, often at 11pm at night. It’s exhausting but you muddle through. Good luck.

Your request might be acceptable if the colleague agrees - I mean, it's just office hours, right?

However, I think you'd be mad to think this would be acceptable. Before submitting your application your DH should talk to his colleague so they dont then have major relationship issues. Based on tgat conversation decide whether nake an application or not and get your finances sorted to include child care ocassionally. Suck it up buttercup.

I haven’t RTFT but I have two unoriginal thoughts.

1. Like some PPs I would prefer the later shift. Are you sure the colleague does not? I think your only chance of getting this through is getting the colleague onside. Even a partial win such as three days a week on the desirable shift for DH would be a big help.
2. Like @WhatsitWiggle I also wonder if a nanny would be more economical than two nursery places, if this doesn’t work. Especially if you only need part time

You are fundamentally asking a huge favour, not something you have a right to. We all understand you didn’t ask for twins but they certainly aren’t the responsibility of the business or the colleague, who is presumably as qualified as your DH.

If you are covered by any discrimination laws when submitting request

A shift from 6am to 2 pm would be a nightmare for me. I don't DO mornings and I would be very happy with a 9-5pm shift all the time if I was in this situation. So the first thing would be to discuss with his colleague. Your DH might well be very surprised that the colleague might be delighted to have a permanent swap

Yes, of course it is worth asking about it. But if your DH can afford to give up work while the children are small, which is what you have said will happen, is it really that big a problem? I presume that you can't go part time instead, while they are small?

Really not fair on colleague. Do you know his own situation? He may have quintuplets at home! Even if he is single he needs time for his own life as well. Sounds like you're both working so like most of us, unfortunately you will have to work around jobs. Sorry, it's not easy I know, we had to pay a lot for nursery, never had any free help and it was hard but when gree childcare hours happen it helps a lot. Congratulations and best of luck with your darling twins, you're a lucky lady honestly. Xx

Words fail me. Your sense of entitlement is mind blowing.

I hope yr DHs employers treat him and his colleague fairly. Why do u think it’s ok that yr OH always has the better shift and his colleague always has worse shift? Seems unfair/unkind to me.

Ok. As someone who's submitted two flexible working requests here's my advice for what it's worth. I discussed the proposed changes with my line manager and my colleagues before submitting the request. We discussed various options before settling on the one which suited us all. Openness and collaboration really is the best way forward here.
I don't know what you do but is there an option to look at an alternate week working pattern for you both. Eg your husband negotiates a week on early, following week on late. The week he's on early you work 9-5. The week he's on late you work 6-2. Or he does 3 earlies and 2 lates and you do compressed hours on the days he's on late.
I'd also be checking whether nurseries would be willing to accept the half day arrangement.

I'm 44 without kids or a partner (and will likely never have one), my parents don't depend on me and my cat passed away in December.

Who out of my team is able to do overtime at short notice because they don't have to find childcare? Me.
Who is more reliable and eager to progress as I'm a one income household? Me.

Please link to the countless statistics.

@Mumwomansisterdaughter has come on and made a lot of very odd statements.

I don’t believe this person could possibly have been promoted six times, and I don’t believe she favours people with dependents in her hiring practices. I don’t believe she has any evidence or statistics to back up her claims.

Everyone is assuming the other colleague won’t like the bad shift but the bad shift is just a normal working day, 9-5 isn’t it? I would hate starting work at 6am and it’s possible the other worker might too if they aren’t a morning person. In which case a bit longer in bed might be right up their street.

Me neither she's eitheir bullshiting or a terrible horrible boss.

I can't believe anybody could be so selfish. I'm guessing the boss will tell hubby to sod off, before the colleague (?) does. What on earth are the babies going to be taught as they grow up. Sort yourself out.

Woah, nasty, nasty, selfish, selfish. Do you have friends?