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Original poster

AIBU Meeting time changed as male in team has to drop his children at school first

197 replies

Champagnebreakfast · 08/02/2023 09:06

AIBU but just moments ago I got an email from someone I was meeting in an hour.To say he had to move the meeting to later due to having to drop his children off at school.
I find this unprofessional. This impacts upon my day.

When my children were little, and I was working, I ensured they were in school on time. I never missed a morning meeting or was late to one. That was 25 years ago when it was a very male dominated world.

OP posts:
jacult · 08/02/2023 09:14

Just say the new time doesn’t work and give a time when you are available. It doesn’t really matter what the reason is behind the meeting time change, and his sex is completely irrelevant. People are becoming more flexible now which is a surely a good thing. I put my back out last week and have had to rearrange meetings, is that unprofessional? We also rearranged meetings as some people were affected by the teacher strike. It really shouldn’t be a big deal.

boatyroo · 08/02/2023 09:15

I think it's a good thing that expectations in the workplace are now more flexible and also that men as well as women use that flexibility for childcare related reasons to be honest, as it will shift employers' perceptions that women are the ones affected by having children.

I've had similar meetings rearranged because men have to collect their sick children etc. I also have had to rearrange things due to drop off times/illness.

plumduck · 08/02/2023 09:15

What has his sex got to do with it

ZeroFuchsGiven · 08/02/2023 09:16

Why are you making a point about it being a 'Male'?

ChesterCheetah · 08/02/2023 09:17

I love my male colleagues when they do this. I'm the only woman and I appreciate them sort of making this part of the overall culture.

Sunshineismyfriend · 08/02/2023 09:18

Sounds like it was an unexpected / last minute thing for him. Not really a problem surely? These things happen and he can’t help it.

Oopswediditagain2023 · 08/02/2023 09:18

I think the last minute thing is rude but my partner always moves his meetings around so he can drop off or pick up the kids

lifeissweet · 08/02/2023 09:19

This is parenthood. You don't really know what's happened here. Maybe someone else was supposed to take them, but they are unwell. Maybe there's some problem at home. Parents have to sometimes change arrangements because their children come first.

I have a sick DD today and have had to rearrange meetings. It may be 'unprofessional' but it is sometimes unavoidable.

Him being the father and not the mother makes no difference.

SnarkyBag · 08/02/2023 09:19

If the issue is he’s dropped this change on you at short notice and the meeting today then I’d say sorry new time isn’t convenient.

I think it’s relevant that he’s male as it rather smacks of male entitlement of “woman rearrange your schedule with no notice to facilitate my life and work”

Sirzy · 08/02/2023 09:19

I think having some flexibity in the workplace helps everyone in the long run.

UnicorseTime · 08/02/2023 09:19

There are so many jobs you couldn't do this in - I think its great there are jobs you can (amd I want one!)

Wolfiefan · 08/02/2023 09:20

Well he needs to do this. So he either asks to meet later or cancels the meeting.
You aren’t superior because you never had to do similar.

plumduck · 08/02/2023 09:20

It could be part of a long standing flexible working arrangement he has or the child's other parent might be unexpectedly unable to do it.

Just because in the past employers were very strictly 9-5 chained to your desk doesn't mean it has to be that way.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 08/02/2023 09:20

Workplaces are much more flexible now. Could be a one-off if their usual arrangements are sick etc. Doesn’t really matter; meetings get moved and pushed back regularly. Saying it was different in your day makes you sound like the ‘male dominated environment’ of the past that you seem to be upset by.

WandaWonder · 08/02/2023 09:20

I know the daggers are meant to come out and a big red siren 'male alert !!!' but op life happens and good for everyone allowances are made

Alexis7890 · 08/02/2023 09:21

Yes you are being unreasonable. You can say the time doesn’t work and suggest another time that does work for you but flexibility is wonderful and workplaces are more flexible now allowing for childcare and school runs. It shouldn’t be a big deal and flexibility should be embraced. I’m sure you have had to move meetings for various reasons in your career as well, I’m sure he is doing the best he can and as he’s told you last minute I’d assume something happened that meant he needed to do it and hadn’t planned to.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 08/02/2023 09:21

Maybe a last minute emergency has arisen and he now has to drop the kids at school as the alternative has cancelled?

Don't you allow anyone any flexibility for emergencies at all?

keri17 · 08/02/2023 09:21

This kind of attitude pisses me off.
first of all, what has his sex got to do with it?
Then how do you know the circumstances? Maybe prior arrangements have gone wrong? Maybe his children cannot go to school themselves (one of mine cannot be alone when travelling)

shit happens, quit being so uncaring.
Life is very different from 25 years ago, you could do with catching up

BillyMack · 08/02/2023 09:22

I can’t see the problem here.

lifeturnsonadime · 08/02/2023 09:23

He has paved the way for female colleagues to ask the same.

If they are refused it would be sex discrimination.

Benefits all working parents in the long run.

Employers in the UK could go a long way to improve family friendly policies.

FloydPepper · 08/02/2023 09:24

I think it’s great that a man has prioritised his kids over a work meeting, and presumably work are ok with that.

surely allowing people to do that is a good thing. Surely more men doing family life and flexing work is a good thing.

Pencase · 08/02/2023 09:24

A few weeks ago, MIL had a bit of a care crisis...we had to move to be close by for 4 weeks till we sorted it out - everyone moved diaries for us - clients and co-workers, everyone understood that life can happen and we are best to flex to help out each other. Were we accused of being unprofessional no way - it's not the first time we have had to ask our co-workers to flex on our behalf - we have credit in the bank so people are only too willing to.

Ragwort · 08/02/2023 09:25

It's annoying but presumably it's a genuine reason and he doesn't do it all the time? A colleague has just let me know she can't come in today which means I need to go in earlier spoiling my lazy morning. But I know there are occasions when I need some flexibility.

Butwhytho · 08/02/2023 09:25

A request made by a working parent, whether that parent is a woman and (shock!) a man, is simply that, a request. Seeing as the burden for being flexible in the workplace due to parenting responsibilities normally falls to women, I can’t see how men bucking the trend can be a bad thing.

HyacinthineMacaw · 08/02/2023 09:27

We move meetings to accommodate people’s personal lives - those with children, those providing care for sick family members, those with distances to travel. It makes them better able to perform well at work, and feel valued. In return we get their best performance and a degree of loyalty which means they put themselves out when needed. An internal meeting is the easiest to rearrange and has the least impact.

I am delighted to see that this man hasn’t left the problem of his disrupted childcare to his female partner to resolve. Far too often it’s women who are the default in this situation, so it’s good to see he’s the sort of person taking one for the team. It indicates he’s likely to do the same for his work team, too.

You sound like you have a stick up your bum. In your situation I would be looking to foster a more collegiate workplace, which gives you better results.