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Original poster

AIBU Meeting time changed as male in team has to drop his children at school first

197 replies

Champagnebreakfast · 08/02/2023 09:06

AIBU but just moments ago I got an email from someone I was meeting in an hour.To say he had to move the meeting to later due to having to drop his children off at school.
I find this unprofessional. This impacts upon my day.

When my children were little, and I was working, I ensured they were in school on time. I never missed a morning meeting or was late to one. That was 25 years ago when it was a very male dominated world.

OP posts:
Oblomov23 · 09/02/2023 14:44

I don't agree with TiredandLate. This is not about men sharing the load. This is not about whether OP's colleague is male or female. Short notice, Cancelling attending a big meeting is not good, irrespective of what sex the employee is.

microbius · 09/02/2023 14:47

Things are not SO different now. When I was a sole parent to my child, my female boss treated any needs that arose with childcare as super-irritating. I couldn't bring them up and had to deal with them. Not inconveniencing anyone. When my male (married) colleagues had to help their partner to bath baby and toddler, everyone was fawning about it. I understand your reaction.

SheilaFentiman · 09/02/2023 14:48

Oblomov23 · 09/02/2023 14:44

I don't agree with TiredandLate. This is not about men sharing the load. This is not about whether OP's colleague is male or female. Short notice, Cancelling attending a big meeting is not good, irrespective of what sex the employee is.

Of course it’s not good and I am sure he knows that (though worth noting that OP was fine in her second post after an initial and understandable annoyance).

But… life happens. There isn’t a back up for everything.

microbius · 09/02/2023 14:48

Everyone was expected to accommodate male colleagues because they WERE BEGING GOOD FATHERS, how amazing this is. Whereas good mothers just had to get on with it and make their problems as invisible as possible

tattygrl · 09/02/2023 15:22

We all impact upon each others' days. If you don't want you day to be impacted by others, don't arrange anything with other people and don't interact with them. Yes, plans are great, but we all know that we can't predict exactly what will happen. This is why adaptability and resilience is a life skill adults need to develop.

rwalker · 09/02/2023 15:32

microbius · 09/02/2023 14:48

Everyone was expected to accommodate male colleagues because they WERE BEGING GOOD FATHERS, how amazing this is. Whereas good mothers just had to get on with it and make their problems as invisible as possible

I’ve re read OP twice I have no idea where u get that from

jtaeapa · 09/02/2023 15:46

Was it news to him that he had to take his kids to school? Bizarre. You wouldn't book a meeting over a school run Confused

saraclara · 09/02/2023 16:15

jtaeapa · 09/02/2023 15:46

Was it news to him that he had to take his kids to school? Bizarre. You wouldn't book a meeting over a school run Confused

I think most of us have assumed that this was an unforeseen situation. Maybe the child minder was ill, or the mum throwing up.

InDubiousBattle · 09/02/2023 16:21

My reading of the op was that it was news to him he had to do the school run. It sounds like he had some sort of an emergency or late fall through of normal child care. My dh regularly has meetings over the school run when it's not his day to do it. If I was taken really ill, or as happened last week I had to rush to hospital to see my dad during the night then he would have to cancel or rearrange them. It's not bizarre to me at all, I'm more amazed that something similar has never happened to the op!

britneybitch23 · 09/02/2023 16:21

It's annoying but it's a very good thing!! Stops it being a woman only thing which is then seen as disruptive and unimportant. Now it's a thing people do- which it always should have been!

My DH is responsible for nursery drop off and pick up and has to arrange his working day around it.

QuentininQuarantino · 09/02/2023 16:28

My husband is always doing this, it allows me to work and (he works in stem) means his female colleagues don’t worry as much about doing the same. I think it’s great!

1stTimeBoyMumx · 09/02/2023 17:46

What else is he supposed to do leave his child to fend for themselves? He hasn’t assumed his right to have flexibility he either has it or isn’t at the meeting

Ndhdiwntbsivnwg · 09/02/2023 18:40

Sorry, but he has the right to cancel, suggest new time. Life happens. What is unprofessional is being inflexible and/or not show up to a meeting.
You are being unreasonable

piesforever · 09/02/2023 23:28

You don't sound very caring. Just because you struggled why should the next generation?

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 09/02/2023 23:33

I don't see the issue.
He could've been ill and not made the meeting and that impacts the day but it's hardly a big deal. You get time back to do something else.

Yesterday, an engineer left a client meeting as he had to go collect his ill son. The project manager said "don't wait, just go now!"
That's empathy.

I don't know what point you're trying to make here but you sound utterly pathetic

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 09/02/2023 23:35

microbius · 09/02/2023 14:48

Everyone was expected to accommodate male colleagues because they WERE BEGING GOOD FATHERS, how amazing this is. Whereas good mothers just had to get on with it and make their problems as invisible as possible

No, that's what the OP wants you're take to be.

I'm late to work most days after the hell of getting two kiddies out the door.

honeypancake · 09/02/2023 23:37

Unreasonable. Maybe he did not plant that initially but had a childcare issue / the mother/nanny got sick etc etc. Lots of fathers handle drop offs and pick ups, would you not be upset if it were a female cancelling/postponing? A normal situation. You sound unfair sorry!

UsingChangeofName · 10/02/2023 00:08

AIBU but just moments ago I got an email from someone I was meeting in an hour.To say he had to move the meeting to later due to having to drop his children off at school.

What time does his dcs' school start, if he had to put back a meeting that wasn't going to start until 10 ? Confused

I find this unprofessional. This impacts upon my day.

Mind you, if I were your line manager, I wouldn't be too impressed at you MNing whilst you are supposed to be working..........

Maybe83 · 10/02/2023 00:13

My core hours don't start till 10 am.

It is my perogative what time I start work at before then.

Meetings get moved or cancelled regularly in a work environment.

He actually didn't need to give you a reason but could have just said he had an unavoidable conflict and offered to move the meeting back an hour or offer you another suitable time.

What would have been unprofessional would have been to not contact you at all and been late for the meeting or just not attended.

NightsThatStartWithWhiskey · 10/02/2023 00:28

RudsyFarmer · 08/02/2023 09:27

When women need to rearrange meetings for childcare they are unprofessional. When men do it everyone does a dance and gives him a pat on the back. I understand OP. It’s annoying.

Men and women fit meetings around the school run in my experience. None are seen as unprofessional or given a pat on the back, it’s just how things are in many companies now, thankfully.

SweetBonanza · 10/02/2023 00:28

Oh I sympathise OP. I have a male college who is The First Man in the World to Have Children. Couldn't travel to meetings, couldn't get to work before 10, had to leave by 3 due to being The Only Person in The World to Have Children.

He is so thick skinned that it hasn't occurred to him that his colleague has two kids of similar age to his, and she still managed to work harder than him despite the fact that she had actually given birth to hers.

TiredandLate · 10/02/2023 07:47

Oblomov23 · 09/02/2023 14:44

I don't agree with TiredandLate. This is not about men sharing the load. This is not about whether OP's colleague is male or female. Short notice, Cancelling attending a big meeting is not good, irrespective of what sex the employee is.

I see your point. I don't think anyone cancelling a meeting is great, but the more men do it, the less it becomes a female only problem. Equal opportunity inconvenience. This filters into the workplace culture and decision making at higher levels. The perceived "risk" of hiring a mother with young children is diluted every time a man is also unreliable due to childcare. It's not an overnight change but a slow swing of culture. I'm not in any way giving men a medal for doing a bit, it's the wider impact.

Tawn · 10/02/2023 08:39

Yes you are being unreasonable, how fabulous of him to be able to have that home work life balance. You don’t know his situation so it would be more beneficial to use kind thoughts for your own mental health too.

cherish123 · 10/02/2023 10:55

Yes and no. I don't arrange meetings before work due to this reason.

Forgooodnesssakenow · 10/02/2023 12:59

Goodness we can't all be as efficient as you op. Also we don't just ignore our children while forcing them to do our bidding these days uqite the same as in the 80s when I was grown up.

Isn't it wonderful we can all be a little more human? Except you if course. You stay strict! It's a good look.