AIBU Meeting time changed as male in team has to drop his children at school first

[Champagnebreakfast]

AIBU but just moments ago I got an email from someone I was meeting in an hour.To say he had to move the meeting to later due to having to drop his children off at school.
I find this unprofessional. This impacts upon my day.

When my children were little, and I was working, I ensured they were in school on time. I never missed a morning meeting or was late to one. That was 25 years ago when it was a very male dominated world.

Oh I get it!
it’s because you have had to near kill yourself making sure that your having dc didn’t impact anyone else . I dot. Know how I didn’t catch getting into one job I had with male bosses. The home journey was as bad because I was on the childminders clock. Not that bosses were bothered about giving me work that meant I may be late going home. We didn’t have the flexibility there is now. So yep completely get the sentiment, despite being in favour of everyone having flexibility.

However like pp suggested I wouldn’t be too accommodating to rearranging the meeting same day if it didn’t suit. Unless he’s telling you there were unforeseen circumstances , i think it’s poor form to rearrange last minute. ( I would say the same for a woman too.)

When women need to rearrange meetings for childcare they are unprofessional. When men do it everyone does a dance and gives him a pat on the back. I understand OP. It’s annoying.

OP, are you annoyed at the assumption that the new time is ok?

Or are annoyed because you had to struggle to fit in as a mum in a male dominated environment, and now you feel because a man is dealing with the same issues as you, but expecting flexibility, you're feeling a bit bitter?

If the first, message back and offer a time that suits you, or ask if you can do a call with him sat in the car park as soon as he's dropped off?

If the latter, then I can understand you feeling a bit sad about what you had to deal with, but I think you also need to consider that this means the world has moved on a bit, and it benefits us all. I'm a female in a very male dominated industry. I have flexi time for school runs and childcare as standard, because in both my current role, and the one I'm about to move to, my male line manager also has child care responsibilities.

Helpful comments. Thank you all.

It was an important meeting. Others have travelled from far away.

I have reshuffled it, and he will join when he can. All good.

Sums it up! x

Good. So often on here mothers are tying themselves in knots to do everything and are told where’s your DH? Why can’t he do it? Ah his job is too important and inflexible and he earns more so he has to be on time/in work etc.

This is progress.

But the answer isn’t to be pissed off when a man does it. It’s to NOT be pissed off when women have to do it!

Exactly. Things are moving in the right direction it seems.

My dh had to do this last week. We had no idea that I wouldn't be available to take the kids to school until I was called onto the hospital at 2 in the morning for my critically ill dad. Sometimes these things happen. His colleagues were very understanding and accommodating. I'm amazed that you never had to rearrange things for sick children, family emergencies and so on. Every parent I know has had to.

The op is pointing out the sex of the person because if a woman did this she’d be seen as unprofessional / not committed to her job. If a man does it he’s a hero, Best Dad Ever and expects a bloody round of applause. That’s why.

Absolutely this.

Can’t see the problem. You all carry on and he joins when he can. These things happen.

Flexibility in a workplace is a good thing.

I had to move two meetings on Monday due to issues with my train. Is that a more acceptable reason to move a meeting to you?

I think it's great. We have a policy that meetings should be arranged between 10 and 4 for exactly this reason.

It only helps the cause of equality when men actually acknowledge they have caring responsibilities too and take on their share of the load. I'm sorry it was so tough when your kids were younger OP, but surely you can see it's a good thing that workplaces are moving on.

But the answer isn’t to be pissed off when a man does it. It’s to NOT be pissed off when women have to do it!

Absolutely this.

Or are annoyed because you had to struggle to fit in as a mum in a male dominated environment, and now you feel because a man is dealing with the same issues as you, but expecting flexibility, you're feeling a bit bitter?

The male isn’t ‘expecting’ flexibility. He has gone ahead and assumed his right is to have flexibility and has put others out without any regard to their own timetables. That’s archetypal patriarchy at work. If the OP is bitter then so are many many others.

DH does drop off and pick up every day. If he was ill I’d have to step in and do it and rearrange some meetings. Thank goodness I don’t work for a place where this is seen as ‘unprofessional’

There’s nothing happening at work that’s more important than someone’s family.

I don't agree that this is universally true. Where I work (public sector) meetings get rearranged for childcare emergencies all the time. For men and women. No one bats an eyelid any more, particularly post-pandemic.
Public sector pay is shit. Frankly where I work we're all here for the flexibility, so if people started being dicks about it, I imagine many people would leave. Management is well aware of this.

Not about the OP's situation, but in response to this comment...

A male friend of mine recently had a job interview for a Big Job. In the interview, he explained that he hadn't pushed for promotion previously, as he was prioritising his DS and had needed some flexibility (he always worked from home on Fridays and arranged his week around his 50/50 co-parenting arrangement). His DS is now an adult.

The panel were all so impressed with him and told him that was a big plus in his favour.

What woman has ever explained a gap in her CV due to maternity leave or parental leave and had an interview panel gush about how great she is?

As I said. It's good that he did that and more men definitely should. But it is very, very far from expected and we have a long way to go.

That was 25 years ago. My team are frequently shifting meetings around to allow for childcare issues coming up and two of the dads are about to go on parental leave for a few months. I thought this place looks like a win when I first went for a coffee and hello with my now boss years ago and we met after he had done the school drop off.

There’s nothing happening at work that’s more important than someone’s family.

Well I don’t know. Perhaps there nothing happening at your work that’s more important than your family but at my work I have a safeguarding role that certainly is more important than many things going on at home.

Same

Also agree! It normalises for everyone.

I’m amazed the progressives on this thread can’t see the bloody hypocrisy too. I swear critical thinking is dead.

YABU

In my workplace men and women are flexible around childcare (and other commitments). We do our utmost to make sure it doesn't impact our work and we all support one another in this. The only way for this to work is for men to embrace this culture as much as women do.

It normalises it for everybody BECAUSE the males have now decided that this level of flexibility works for them. They aren’t doing it for you. It’s always for selfish reasons.