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Original poster

AIBU Meeting time changed as male in team has to drop his children at school first

197 replies

Champagnebreakfast · 08/02/2023 09:06

AIBU but just moments ago I got an email from someone I was meeting in an hour.To say he had to move the meeting to later due to having to drop his children off at school.
I find this unprofessional. This impacts upon my day.

When my children were little, and I was working, I ensured they were in school on time. I never missed a morning meeting or was late to one. That was 25 years ago when it was a very male dominated world.

OP posts:
WeWereInParis · 08/02/2023 20:33

RudsyFarmer · 08/02/2023 09:27

When women need to rearrange meetings for childcare they are unprofessional. When men do it everyone does a dance and gives him a pat on the back. I understand OP. It’s annoying.

Well it depends on the company doesn't it. Where I work, my male manager always picks his son up from school when he's wfh, so he's unavailable at that time of day. And when I work from an office that's a longer commute than normal I leave early so I can be home for bedtime to breastfeed DD2, and catch up on work after. No one bats an eyelid (or applauds) either of these things. It's just fine. I like working somewhere where there's flexibility for parents of either sex, and for those who aren't parents but have other reasons for needing flexibility.

Whyisitsososohard · 08/02/2023 20:33

plumduck · 08/02/2023 09:15

What has his sex got to do with it

Aye this

Brefugee · 08/02/2023 20:40

i was turned down for at least one promotion because i was "flakey" (once a week i dropped my kids to school, i wasn't even late for work) and once a week i left bang on time to take them to an activity.

But the guy who brought his 2 year old daughter in on a tuesday for the whole morning? dad of the fucking year. And he tried to fob her off on me because "you're a mum and i'm busy"

So yeah. I would have told him it wasn't convenient and to reschedule for when it is convenient for me. He was an idiot to say he was dropping kids off, a bit performative.

(but overall i am pleased that finally, as I'm about to retire, companies are making better allowances for family life)

Wonderpoo · 08/02/2023 20:42

Get that stick out your arse. The world has thankfully moved on and people work flexibly and aren’t embarrassed to say they need to do childcare

MajorCarolDanvers · 08/02/2023 20:43

Eastereggsboxedupready · 08/02/2023 10:56

He will expect an award for doing Wife Work won't he?

What a complete dinosaur

DemelzaandRoss · 08/02/2023 20:50

Well OP congratulations to you for never being late or missing a meeting 25 years ago. What a smug post.
A flexible working environment is the only way forward in 2023 when virtually all parents work.

LolaSmiles · 08/02/2023 20:54

I think it's about time workplaces normalised that parents of both sexes will sometimes require flexibility.

We need to get away from the idea that Mums have to simultaneously do everything child related and never request flexibility for fear of being discriminated against.

Assuming he doesn't regularly ask to rearrange last minute, I would imagine requesting an important meeting to be adjusted is probably because something has happened that morning where he needed to be a parent to his children.

I hate the 'well I managed so nobody else should have flexibility' argument. It does nothing to make the workplace more equitable.

BCBird · 08/02/2023 20:57

I don't understand why his sex is relevant to.be honest

WelshNerd · 08/02/2023 21:02

I completely understand the frustration of the double standards applied to men, many of whom have had their first experience of having to balance work and childcare since the pandemic.

My husband basically works reduced hours to do the school run as needed. He's never been asked to put in a flexible working request, or take the time unpaid or any of those things which I have navigated when the children were younger.

However, if men have more experience of this aspect of parenting it will ultimately help women in the long run.

starlingdarling · 08/02/2023 21:05

I hate the 'well I managed so nobody else should have flexibility' argument. It does nothing to make the workplace more equitable.

@LolaSmiles Absolutely! I couldn't agree with this more. I worked in law where it was traditional for trainee solicitors to be bullied. Thankfully law practices moved on and although they weren't perfect, the bullying lessoned compared to some of the stories I heard from older partners. What shocked me was that it didn't change within the judiciary. I had two particularly bad experiences with judges. One who objected to my nail varnish. Another who objected a bracelet my niece made me on holiday. For the latter, a judge shouted into the back wall that he wouldn't sit until we were appropriately dressed for court. After 5 minutes of utter confusion the more experienced barrister on the other side leaned over and told me I needed to take my bracelet off. I had to go to security and beg them to cut it off. It was an innocuous friendship bracelet with only three plaited strings because my niece was 5. Utterly mortifying in front of paying clients but with hindsight, utterly inappropriate from a judge siting to hear a case.

Lcb123 · 08/02/2023 21:08

Why does it matter he’s male. Just say you can’t do the time. Surely it’s nice there’s flexibility- everyone needs that sometimes.

Fossie · 08/02/2023 21:31

It makes some professions like teaching seem even less desirable as there is no flexibility like that. I have to say it makes me feel bitter and more likely to change my job.

Teentaxidriver · 08/02/2023 21:32

Surely the point that the OP is making us that because she is a woman, she bent over backwards to ensure that school drop offs never conflicted with work and this behaviour is an example of male entitlement?

Teentaxidriver · 08/02/2023 21:35

Let’s all applaud a man doing what millions of woman do (school drop off) except HE has to make everyone adjust their schedule (which most working mothers would try to avoid).

Not being a misandrist

Littleguggi · 08/02/2023 21:37

OP you sound resentful and bitter perhaps as you never got an opportunity to do this for your kids when they were little

saraclara · 08/02/2023 21:38

Teentaxidriver · 08/02/2023 21:35

Let’s all applaud a man doing what millions of woman do (school drop off) except HE has to make everyone adjust their schedule (which most working mothers would try to avoid).

Not being a misandrist

Yes you are.

I had plenty of female colleagues who had to occasionally be late for this sort of reason. I don't know why you think that every woman manages to avoid ever being late for work for unforeseen child reasons. Some manage it, some don't.

Onnabugeisha · 08/02/2023 21:40

YABU
Just because it was shit for our generation, doesn’t mean it has to be shit for the current generation of parents with young children.

Onnabugeisha · 08/02/2023 21:41

Teentaxidriver · 08/02/2023 21:32

Surely the point that the OP is making us that because she is a woman, she bent over backwards to ensure that school drop offs never conflicted with work and this behaviour is an example of male entitlement?

It wasn’t because she was a woman but because it was 25yrs ago and flexible working rights did not exist for parents of young children.

BitOutOfPractice · 08/02/2023 21:41

Obviously I’m only basing my opinions on my own experience in the workforce. Clearly you all work in a much more enlightened world than me where men and women share childcare equally and men totally respect women and their role in the home. I don’t. I still work in the real world where women do the massive majority of childcare and housework and men want a brass hand when they do tenth of what women do every day.

Im not bitter. Just realistic. Perhaps the op is as jaded as me 🤷‍♀️

Onnabugeisha · 08/02/2023 21:43

BitOutOfPractice · 08/02/2023 21:41

Obviously I’m only basing my opinions on my own experience in the workforce. Clearly you all work in a much more enlightened world than me where men and women share childcare equally and men totally respect women and their role in the home. I don’t. I still work in the real world where women do the massive majority of childcare and housework and men want a brass hand when they do tenth of what women do every day.

Im not bitter. Just realistic. Perhaps the op is as jaded as me 🤷‍♀️

Nah sounds to me like you’ve had a run of bad luck when it comes to the men in your life.

rwalker · 08/02/2023 21:47

BitOutOfPractice · 08/02/2023 09:36

The op is pointing out the sex of the person because if a woman did this she’d be seen as unprofessional / not committed to her job. If a man does it he’s a hero, Best Dad Ever and expects a bloody round of applause. That’s why.

Did he arrive to applause ??

the only reaction it seems to of caused is pissing OP off as she had to put herself out

LolaSmiles · 08/02/2023 21:47

Surely the point that the OP is making us that because she is a woman, she bent over backwards to ensure that school drop offs never conflicted with work and this behaviour is an example of male entitlement?
It's not male entitlement at all.
It's a parent who needed some flexibility at the last minute, something that more workplaces are starting to accept.

If it wasn't possible to rearrange the meeting then it could go ahead and he joins when he's in. If it was possible to be flexible, that's fine, it moves, and the workplace continues to move to a point where it's not assumed that men are the safe bet because they have wives who do all the awkward parenting things.

This is one of those things where we can't argue both ways. If we want workplaces that don't see parenting duties as a woman's job/something men have a wife to take care of, then more men need to be stepping up with the awkward parts of childcare.

whistleblown · 08/02/2023 21:51

It's a good thing, his school drop off could be your flat tyre next time. Bank it, and be grateful we are all allowed to openly have lives instead of pretending work trumps everything else.

adamsaboutnothing · 08/02/2023 21:55

I have "School Run - PLEASE DO NOT BOOK" from 8:45 to 09:10 and 3:10 to 3:30 every day, and I have done since COVID. Before then, my kids would be in breakfast and after school club daily. Now with the working world being much more flexible, I don't see the point if I can really make it work just to nip out. I log on early, and stay on late to make up the missed time. If it's something which absolutely must be within those timeframe, then of course I utilise the facilities but it's rare, and I've never ever been questioned about my school runs. Perhaps something came up? Perhaps other arrangements failed. Childcare isn't always foolproof.

saraclara · 08/02/2023 21:57

Clearly you all work in a much more enlightened world than me where men and women share childcare equally and men totally respect women and their role in the home. I don’t. I still work in the real world...

My world is every bit as real as yours. My late DH was an equal parent who took as much time off for unforeseen child issues as I did. My son in law, right now, does likewise. And does ALL the nursery drop offs and pick ups, incidentally.