AIBU Meeting time changed as male in team has to drop his children at school first

[Champagnebreakfast]

AIBU but just moments ago I got an email from someone I was meeting in an hour.To say he had to move the meeting to later due to having to drop his children off at school.
I find this unprofessional. This impacts upon my day.

When my children were little, and I was working, I ensured they were in school on time. I never missed a morning meeting or was late to one. That was 25 years ago when it was a very male dominated world.

This isn’t my experience at all. Everyone is given equal flexibility and actually it’s great to see more men doing that rather than relying on the women in their lives.

Not sure this is true any more, at least not where I’ve worked.

I’ve frequently moved, delayed, or finished early where someone has child care responsibilities. It’s not made a tiny bit of difference whether it’s a man or a woman, neither is unprofessional.

im pretty senior and I think it’s important that not only do I accommodate this, I also model it, so if I need flexibility I take it.

I totally understand what you are saying and the point that this has only happened because it is what the male wants but the outcome is better for women in this organisation because if they are now refused equivalent flexibility it's sex discrimination.

Depends where you work, I've always worked places where people were very understanding and supportive. I worked hard, was flexible if they needed me to be and they were also prepared to be flexible with me.

So some places a woman would be seen as unprofessional/not committed to her job but some places might be like that with a man.

Long past the child care stage but I am very much in favour of work places being supportive of working parents, as long as they aren't taking the piss.

It's a good thing that work is more family friendly now than 25 years ago.

He is unprofessional in not notifying you of this until an hour ago.

If the new time doesn't suit you then suggest another.

His sex is irrelevant.

He is not responsible for any resentment you still harbour from a quarter of a century ago.

I’ll accept that it’s better all round but I feel that women can’t see they’re being played right, left and centre with this shit. Just open your eyes.

Couldn't agree more.

"Men aren't doing enough parenting"

(Men start stepping up and sharing parenting responsibilities)

"Men are only doing it because it suits them. They're still selfish"

Seriously, get a grip. Men simply can't win on mumsnet. It's ridiculous.

What a lot of working mothers don't know is that there can be a sex discrimination argument if the employer has a PCP (policy criteria or practice) that has more of adverse impact on women than men (or vice versa) , it can be deemed to be indirect discrimination.

This is something you can raise with an employer who is very inflexible when it comes to child care emergencies. It always impacts women more.

This view is in itself completely sexist.

If anything I found in the past (we’re talking 90s here) women wanting to do the school run was ok as it was “their job”, but any blokes with families wouldn’t be allowed to flex. We’d work late, but women could go.

Much better all round now

Thankfully life has changed during the last 25 years and this kind of flexibility is allowed.

I work on a trading floor. In the past it was seen as unacceptable for men in this industry to be late/off/need flexibility for childcare, but there had been lots of HR rules in place for some time to encourage the much fewer women who work there to have flexibility built into their contracts on their return from mat leave.

It’s good to see men taking up the same facility.

*"Men aren't doing enough parenting"

(Men start stepping up and sharing parenting responsibilities)

"Men are only doing it because it suits them. They're still selfish"

Seriously, get a grip. Men simply can't win on mumsnet. It's ridiculous.*

I agree. Some posters are so bitter towards men. The man's putting his child's needs first before the meeting.

Cross post, totally agree

I think it should be acceptable for anyone, male or female, to alter plans occassionally because of childcare. I assume there was a last minute issue as it changed late in the day? I like seeing fathers doing this, it shouldn’t always have to be mothers altering their work.

overall I think everyone needs a little bit of flex for many reasons. If he’s generally a decent employee then I wouldn’t goody His against him, although I understand it might be frustrating.

This is good surely. Shows the entire company that we all struggle with family committments. What would you like him to do ?

Nothing to do with him being make. He is a parent.

All parents need this flexibility sometimes.

How do you know that this wasn't an emergency, e.g. his partner who would normally drop the kids off got ill / had to rush somewhere etc.? Employers should be more family friendly; it makes staff more likely to go the extra mile in the long term.

Yeah exactly. It's the people who are pissed off with the women that's the problem. It's never been a problem where I work, not since all the pandemic wfh culture change.

Lol OP life has changed. Chill out. I wish my Mum could have taken me to school on occasion 25 odd years ago, and I don't begrudge colleagues for being able to do it now.

OP I understand your annoyance but I don't think it's about professionalism or lack of it.

The point is that when you were in this man's shoes, you didn't think you could get away with letting childcare impinge on your work schedule, and quite likely your male colleagues would have called you unprofessional for doing so.

Whereas now that men condescend to do school runs, this reason becomes OK. It's sexist and annoying and if it was a woman doing this there wouldn't be much of the cooing there is on this thread.

But in the big scheme of things, dropping the pretense that caring for children could be made to not impinge on your working life is the only way forward.

Good for your colleague for being a hands on Dad! Work places should be flexible to accommodate childcare (we are not living 25 years ago) for both mothers and fathers. However you should have been told about the new time earlier so you could organise yourself, not just before you are due to meet.

We've all moved on a lot since 25 years ago and you sound bitter.

Get over it.

It sounds like an emergency. Just record the meeting, so he can listen later, or share the notes if in person. What if he'd been in, say, a minor car crash? Inconvenient, yes, but still have to deal with it and move on.

Completely irrelevant that he’s a man, these things happen to the best of us whether male or female and I’d much rather give/get the heads up than find out when the meeting’s due to start and the other person doesn’t show. Workplaces are more flexible/parent friendly these days; for most people, that’s a good thing!