If your DH is a high earner, what do you do?

[Bakereld]

Hi all,

I'm wondering, if your DH/DP is a high earner (let's say £70Kish plus), what do you do?

Do you work part time? SAHM? Fulltime with lower/equal pay etc?

How did you decide on your working hours - was it to do with childcare/ or your DH wanting you to have less stress etc?

Thanks :)

@snowballer

*So compare “I read quite a lot of studies that suggested that being cared for at home was better than using childcare. Looking at my own particular circumstances, I decided on balance that that was what I would rather do.”

versus

“We decided to do that to ensure we could raise our children ourselves and ensure their needs were met. We were very fortunate to be able to avoid using nurseries and compromising their care and education.”

The latter is dripping with uncalled-for judgment of those who use nurseries.*

It seems like you're actively choosing to take personal offence to this. "Dripping with judgment"? Seems a bit of a stretch.

To be fair - both sides of this debate are quite capable of slinging passive aggressive mud/sometimes direct hits and plenty of faux concern about brains rotting and pensions drying up. It’s the same shit every time!

I never really get the SAHP vs Working parent argument re childcare. The SAHMs I know have help. My mum didn't work, we still had a nanny.

Mine didn't earn that sort of salary until well into middle age. I worked part time when children were small, then went full time and built a career. However, not long after that stage, husband was earning really well; my salary was quite good but not even half of what he earned. It didn't matter at all, we both felt we were doing fine as were our children.

Most SAHMs don't have any paid help! Your childhood was very unusual jinglebal.

I also work full time as a senior lecturer. I earn less than half his salary but we split household chores, childcare and school pick ups equally.
Just because he earns more doesn't give him a free pass to do less.

@StepladderToHeaven I never said most just the ones I know. In my area of London lots of mums don't work but they also aren't providing all the childcare.

I work but p/t & tto. I still pay for some form of childcare during school holidays & also for older dc when I was may leave.

Went part time until youngest went to school and then went back full time and carried on building my career
Would never have given up my career regardless of DHs earnings
The DCs are grown up now and seem absolutely fine!

mat not may

I was a engineer in oil and gas but then we had kids I went 3 days a week but it was going to be difficult for school holidays and before/ after school child care so when my first born started school I got a job as a technician in secondary school.

I only do 8.5 hours a week. It works fine with the kids and i get all the holidays. My wages is nothing through, 1 months wage is the same as one day of previous job.

But life is less stressful and I'm home for the kids and it suits us as a family.

Plus this thread is about higher earners

Oh should of said yes husband is a high earner abroad, but so was I also.

Australian I believe. This is the problem with the Internet- people like that can publish nonsense and propaganda unheeded and people like @LemonRoses lap it up because it’s dressed up as “fact” with a load of “studies” cited. They then take it upon themselves to go out scaremongering and shaming on the back of it.

Yep. That 'study' is written by someone with an agenda - to keep women in their place. It gets shared regularly on threads like this. It's a load of rubbish.

Quality of childcare is key and there is evidence that high quality childcare is beneficial.

But ultimately people need to do what works for them.

@StepladderToHeaven

Most SAHMs don't have any paid help! Your childhood was very unusual jinglebal.

To be fair - I did meet a Nanny at a toddler group who’s boss didn’t work - the judgement that woman received from her Nanny was breathtaking. I remember thinking that’s the way to do it - whilst I was struggling with PND, twins and no help! Poor me! I survived !

@TheDevils

Australian I believe. This is the problem with the Internet- people like that can publish nonsense and propaganda unheeded and people like @LemonRoses lap it up because it’s dressed up as “fact” with a load of “studies” cited. They then take it upon themselves to go out scaremongering and shaming on the back of it.

Yep. That 'study' is written by someone with an agenda - to keep women in their place. It gets shared regularly on threads like this. It's a load of rubbish.

Quality of childcare is key and there is evidence that high quality childcare is beneficial.

But ultimately people need to do what works for them.

No the evidence is that high quality childcare is beneficial to children living in disadvantage. There’s also evidence that shorter day pre-school education is beneficial.

There is plenty of evidence that long days in institutional care from a very age is detrimental. Not just from Australia, but from across the globe. The Quebec study is particularly interesting.

It depends entirely on financial needs and parental choice, but is not about being better for the child, unless there is a problem.

Earned more than him. Got a live-out nanny and a cleaner.

I don't know why people are getting so pissy. As mumsnet is full of women who claim their dh has a big job which has a huge impact on family life.

No the evidence is that high quality childcare is beneficial to children living in disadvantage. There’s also evidence that shorter day pre-school education is beneficial.

Actually the evidence is that it is more beneficial for disadvantaged children but it's more neutral for those who are not in disadvantaged groups.
The key is the quality of childcare and what else is happening at home.
If you are a child from a non disadvantaged group attending high quality childcare it is not detrimental to your development- it might not be offering a huge advantage over being at home with a parent but it's not causing any harm. However, it may have huge advantages for the family as a whole.

Poverty is the biggest issue in predicting and perpetuating disadvantage.

There is plenty of evidence that long days in institutional care from a very age is detrimental. Not just from Australia, but from across the globe. The Quebec study is particularly interesting.
I'm familiar with the Quebec study.
The childcare provision involved in this research was low quality and we know that the quality of childcare provision is key. This underplayed in the research.