If your DH is a high earner, what do you do?

[Bakereld]

Hi all,

I'm wondering, if your DH/DP is a high earner (let's say £70Kish plus), what do you do?

Do you work part time? SAHM? Fulltime with lower/equal pay etc?

How did you decide on your working hours - was it to do with childcare/ or your DH wanting you to have less stress etc?

Thanks :)

Reason I asked, it's no secret one partner being a 'high' earner allows more freedom for the other with potential working hours/less 'stressful' career choices if you have children, elderly/ill parents, health issues etc etc.

Very short sighted, it also fucks your pension, ans limits your ability to get back into the workplace if something happens to your partner or marriage. It’s a high risk bet to take op.

My partner earns eleventy billion pounds and I stay at home and stroke fluffy kittens.

Reason I asked, it's no secret one partner being a 'high' earner allows more freedom for the other with potential working hours/less 'stressful' career choices if you have children, elderly/ill parents, health issues etc etc.

I’m not sure having a higher earning partner does give more freedom. For many there is huge pressure to ‘step down’ and support the higher earner. Also the amount of help that a family may need to keep things going can be prohibitively expensive. There was a point where my salary barely covered the cost of a full time nanny and a cleaner. Nursery wasn’t an option because of DH’s travel commitments. I refused to give up my career because I didn’t want that life but how many can afford to do that when their partner earns double what they do?

In an ideal world but how does that work when you have kids? Unless you rely on full time nursery, nannies, au pairs, housekeepers etc someone's career has to give. Mat leave only covers the first year. After that who take the pain when your dc is sick, as they are all the time when they first start nursery. Schools runs, school holidays, listening to reading, homework, ferrying to and from clubs all take up a huge amount of time. High paid careers don't tend to be 9-5pm.

There are ways of making things easier though. My house is smaller then I or neighbours would like however it's around the corner from school so no commute. The schools have clubs on site so again no ferrying around. Lots of professional jobs have decent holiday & often the ability to buy more. Re sick days we both get rolling personal leave days for that but mine are not ill that much (touch wood) plus remote working & flexi hours is common amongst my peers.

Run my own veterinary practice

@Scende

I'm also full time, on about 3/4 of his pay, so decent job myself.

Primary school kids and fecking exhausted after 15 months of covid. No family to support - in fact elderly parents needing more & more support themselves.

Dreaming of that lottery win so I can quit paid work! (Lifestyle creep with increased wages which I'm trying to get a handle so I can drop some hours)

I need a lottery win.

I would quit work and have a nice long rest

@DrHWeasley

Earn more than him 🤣

Ditto

I worked v PT when kids were young, then went back to work 10 years ago and earn about 3x as much as him now (he's dropped down to a bit less pay in current time but earns the 70k you mention).

We are lucky to have family close by, wok help a lot plus pay for a cleaner x 3 a week to keep me sane. DH does a lot of the day to day tidying etc, my job pretty full on - I don't do that much round the house other than cooking at weekends etc.

I loved being at home when they were little but was bored out of my head after 6 years tbh, I've always been quite restless though

I was a sahm for 14 years. Now work a flexible, low paid, three day week with as much holiday as I want (not paid).

I’m lucky that our marriage lasted. I’d never have been able to get back into my previous professional career. It worked out for me, but I wouldn’t advise the gamble to young women of today.

School secretary (full time) in a prep school. Longer school holidays and I get the same holidays as dds. Happy days.

I'm a SAHM, DC in school, one in university.
DH stays away most week nights, when this started I had two DC at school and two under two and my Mum who was my back up help with DC had cancer. I wasn't prepared to run myself ragged to work and do everything else. I was lucky enough to be able to take voluntary redundancy after mat leave, I do some volunteering and have flipped several properties which I love, He has probably another 3-7 years working at the current pace then he'll retire and we'll set up a small business.

Both high earners and both work full time. We have a relatively expensive lifestyle and both want the individual security and identify that work brings us. Though it’s utterly brutal at times (we also have 2 under 5)

Feel utterly privileged to have my dream job. But that does mean my hours work around the kids. He does more while he’s WFH at the moment but usually I’m social secretary. But I’m lucky enough to do something I love, rather than my previous job which made me lose the will to live!

I work in a school as TA full time.

In an ideal world but how does that work when you have kids? Unless you rely on full time nursery, nannies, au pairs, housekeepers etc someone's career has to give. Mat leave only covers the first year. After that who take the pain when your dc is sick, as they are all the time when they first start nursery. Schools runs, school holidays, listening to reading, homework, ferrying to and from clubs all take up a huge amount of time. High paid careers don't tend to be 9-5pm.

Bullshit. We share it 50:50 and always have done. We have a nanny, who works the same hours as a nursery would cover. We both have autonomy and flexibility. There are plenty of high paid, high skilled careers where you can be focused and boundaried and work normal hours. We have 4-day very senior execs at my company.

DH on about twice what you said, I work 30 hours on about 50k. Did less hours when kids were smaller.

I suppose if kids weren't in private school and we spent less money on holidays etc. then I could be SAHM but it's not really my thing.

School and offices not particularly close to home so full time would be quite difficult logistically. Reduced hours just means we don't need as much wrap around care for kids.

I have my own practice which is supposed to be part time but generally just ends up being full time but completely flexitime.
DH has little flexibility thanks to his rota whereas flexibility is generally helpful for me so I can arrange to see clients sometimes out of hours.
I used to be FT as a director of a company but we moved to follow DHs contract (it has a clause for where we need to live) and it made FT more difficult as I would have had to add commuting in. As a trade off I now do a completely different type of work but I can pick and choose projects.

I didn't work for ten years but do now because I got bored ! I love my part time job and it's great for me !

Many women I know married to high-earning partners tend to be self-employed in an area that they find personally fulfilling. Things like dietician, fitness trainer/influencer, beauty entrepreneur, jewellery designer. If the husband also runs a business then the wife often helps with the admin side and obviously her salary can be written off as company expenses.This is very common in doctor/dental clinics.

Picks good side for the Daily Mail.

SAHM currently but planning on reopening my business down the line.

I'd be so interested in (honest) answers to how much of the domestic responsibilities still fall on the woman in all of these dual high earning families. Who gets the call from school when they're ill/banged their head? Who does the dentist appointments/kids party presents/buying new clothes/back to school shopping etc. Also, who organises and admins the childcare that allows both parties to work to this level? I'd bet the answer to most is the mother (although plenty will swear it's 50/50. When I worked full time it was 0/100 (no prizes for guessing who was 0 and who was 100).

@Chicchicchicchiclana in her second post the OP clarifies that she's interested in answers from any couple with one high earner - it doesn't matter if it's the man or the woman.

I work with him for our own company.