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Original poster

If your DH is a high earner, what do you do?

268 replies

Bakereld · 14/07/2021 18:33

Hi all,

I'm wondering, if your DH/DP is a high earner (let's say £70Kish plus), what do you do?

Do you work part time? SAHM? Fulltime with lower/equal pay etc?

How did you decide on your working hours - was it to do with childcare/ or your DH wanting you to have less stress etc?

Thanks :)

OP posts:
Racingadmin · 14/07/2021 19:01

When the dc were small I was a sahm with a eBay business on the side that bought enough money in to pay for some holidays , scouts, swimming lessons

That was no longer profitable a couple of year ago so now I work taking bets on the Tote at racecourses. It's great fun, flexible in terms of you choose which of the work offers you want to do and I've a really wide circle of new friends and colleagues with really interesting life stories

PandoraP · 14/07/2021 19:03

We are both high earners. High earning jobs don’t necessarily come with more stress. We both also have a lot of flexibility in our jobs.

juliainthedeepwater · 14/07/2021 19:05

I have taken a longer maternity leave than I would have if we needed me to have an income too, and I’m soon to start an MA entirely retraining for a new career. I certainly plan to earn again (though will make a fraction of what he does most likely as he’s high up in a very well paid field) but it would be disingenuous not to acknowledge that his high income doesn’t change the choices and opportunities available to me and to us as a family. I’m aware we’re very lucky not to need two incomes currently.

Chihuahuacat · 14/07/2021 19:06

I earn about £70k and he earns £50k. Both our jobs are very flexible so we can alternate starting late / finishing early between us so we can do drop offs and pick ups (no wrap around care needed).

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 14/07/2021 19:06

@Chickoletta

I work part time (0.8) and also earn well. My husband’s salary has no impact on my own ambition or aspirations.
^ this.

I'll go back to FT once both DC are in school and may well outpace him financially at some point.

user159 · 14/07/2021 19:08

I work 0.8 - four full days. We have one nursery age child and I love my extra day with her. DH is happy to support whatever I want to do, whether that's stay at home or work. I want to keep working and have recently got a higher level job after Mat leave. He pulls his weight so I can also work towards my career ambitions.
Tbh this is the complete opposite to how I thought I'd be. I assumed after Mat leave I wouldn't be bothered about work or a career but if anything it has spurred me on and given me more reason to succeed. We don't have any family help but my salary outweighs the nursery fees significantly.

TriciaMcMillan · 14/07/2021 19:09

@HasaDigaEebowai

Also high earner. What an odd post though.
Yup, this. Confused

Actually, after earning less than him for most of the relationship and then being level pegging, I now out earn him. We joke he's pretty much a kept man.

Myfirstbornisacollie · 14/07/2021 19:09

I’m the high earner and work 0.6 equivalent and husband 0.8 to try and get a balance of decent income and having time to enjoy family life. I don’t think SAHP would suit either of us we both like our jobs

Bluntness100 · 14/07/2021 19:10

What an odd gender bias in the op and asking if anyone is a stay at home mum. My husband falls into this category. I earn more.

FlowersinJune · 14/07/2021 19:10

Work full time and earn more then him.

girlmom21 · 14/07/2021 19:10

I work full time. It doesn't impact our family dynamic. We both do our fair share.

Angliski · 14/07/2021 19:11

I’m the high earner. I run my own company from home with my virtual team and work three time a week. My DH has share and other investments income but otherwise just has interests and hobbies that may one say make money. On those three days he is the stay at home parent. We have a good balance. We took a long time to be able to have a child so we both wanted to make sure we were around a lot.

We do love a bit of nursery though! We do a special dance when ds is dropped off as we get to have breakfast together, made by him :)

EssentialHummus · 14/07/2021 19:11

I work less (and more flexibly) to facilitate DH working more, and less flexibly. But I bought some property beforehand, which made me more comfortable doing that and being off for a longer time with DD. And my work now is very interesting, moreso than my previous career. I suppose feeling that I personally had a financial safety net was what allowed me to do that.

Bluntness100 · 14/07/2021 19:12

Do you work part time? SAHM? Fulltime with lower/equal pay etc?

Why was do you earn more not inc?

The post is like something from thr 1950s. I honestly didn’t know women still thought like this.

Hoppinggreen · 14/07/2021 19:12

I work PT., 25 hours per week. I used to Freelance and to be honest DH earnings gave me the luxury to pick and choose projects.
If I did the same hours as him though I would be on not much less. The DC are teens now so I am not really needed as much but I will always work PT if possible

whatthejiggeries · 14/07/2021 19:13

I'm the high earner. He stays at home but we have a considerably higher income that 70k. If I earned 70k we would both be working

KathyWilliams · 14/07/2021 19:13

I was a SAHM when I was in that situation, and was happy to be so.

ChequerBoard · 14/07/2021 19:14

What an odd question. My DH is what would be classed as high rather in MN terms. I earn more than him by about 50%.

Bearsbearsbears40 · 14/07/2021 19:14

My DH isn’t quite on £70k but not too far off. We don’t have DC. I am also full time, I moved recently from a job I loathed to one I enjoy, fortunately with a pay rise so I earn approaching £40k. We discussed me giving up my job when I hated my role as we could afford the bills, but I decided to stick with it and keep looking for a new role and it paid off. Hoping to bump up the pension pots and retire when we can (well, we can live in hope!)

Teaandjam · 14/07/2021 19:15

I earn more than my partner. I wouldn’t expect him to stop working and become my whore just because I’m the high earner. What an odd question.

LiveatCityHall · 14/07/2021 19:15

I work 3 days a week and don't earn a huge amount but I absolutely love my job. I left a high flying career when I fell pregnant with my DS 8 years ago and knew I wanted to be at home with him. I was a SAHM for a while and then started working as and when for the company I'm with now. When he was about 3 I worked 2 days a week and then increased it to 3 when he started school. Its much less stressful and the company is very small. I love it.

Witchgonebad · 14/07/2021 19:16

I was a SAHM after dc2 was born, then we moved to somewhere with a bit of land and gradually (accidentally) started a smallholding, which is my main occupation now the dc’s are older.
I grow veg, breed poultry and goats etc
We all enjoy the lifestyle.

Bluntness100 · 14/07/2021 19:16

So op.

Some women don’t work. Some women work part time. Some women earn the same as their husbands, some women out earn their husbands.

Just like they do in any other salary bracket. Becayse you know. We are our own people. Not an appendage.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 14/07/2021 19:18

DH and I are both high earners. He works for an investment bank in marketing/sponsorships and I work full time as a director of fundraising in the third sector.

Giving up work was never a consideration for me. I went back to work full time when DS was five months old. My family never had quite enough money when I was growing up, and it was a source of constant stress. I don't want to put DS through that.

EverythingWillFallInLine · 14/07/2021 19:20

I'm on the PTA.