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Original poster

If your DH is a high earner, what do you do?

268 replies

Bakereld · 14/07/2021 18:33

Hi all,

I'm wondering, if your DH/DP is a high earner (let's say £70Kish plus), what do you do?

Do you work part time? SAHM? Fulltime with lower/equal pay etc?

How did you decide on your working hours - was it to do with childcare/ or your DH wanting you to have less stress etc?

Thanks :)

OP posts:
Scende · 14/07/2021 18:38

I'm also full time, on about 3/4 of his pay, so decent job myself.

Primary school kids and fecking exhausted after 15 months of covid. No family to support - in fact elderly parents needing more & more support themselves.

Dreaming of that lottery win so I can quit paid work! (Lifestyle creep with increased wages which I'm trying to get a handle so I can drop some hours)

Scende · 14/07/2021 18:40

And arguably we'd have fewer expenses if we worked less. We outsource/convince pay a lot!

HasaDigaEebowai · 14/07/2021 18:41

Also high earner. What an odd post though.

PinkDaffodil2 · 14/07/2021 18:41

I’m part time training to be a GP, will probably work a variety of hours once qualified depending on the ages of the kids / his work commitments.

billybullshitterz1n · 14/07/2021 18:42

Husband works overseas tax free so classes as a high earner. I work full time term time in a college

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 14/07/2021 18:43

SAHM of a school age child since March. Did work full time (term time only) before then but it was horrendously stressful and in December I had a breakdown so was off sick for 3 months before quitting.

DH is happy as family life is so much more relaxed and he doesn't really have to do any housework.

We are hopefully moving house in a few weeks so I will focusing on redecorating the house and getting to know the new area. We may have a second DC in the next couple of years also.

So basically to reduce stress which has been achieved :)

Chickoletta · 14/07/2021 18:45

I work part time (0.8) and also earn well. My husband’s salary has no impact on my own ambition or aspirations.

Greaterthanthesumoftheparts · 14/07/2021 18:45

My DH is a higher earner on considerably more than 70k. I work full time and earn 20% more than he does. Our plan is to max out our pensions and retire early.
Giving up work was never a consideration for me, I went back full time when DS was 5 months old and have a really fulfilling job.
We have a cleaner 8 hours a week which gives us all weekend to just enjoy time with DS and DSS without having to think about chores.

DrHWeasley · 14/07/2021 18:47

Earn more than him 🤣

Toasty280 · 14/07/2021 18:47

I full time on 30k (less than a third of his). 2 older kids secondary school.

I have always worked pastime time, only last few years been full time.

He's often away, work have said, in the past, about me doing all school runs, taking kids to swimming lessons etc, boss got very mumsnetty on my and said hubby should pull his weight etc. I was just like ok I'll quit as he can't and if one of us is losing our job it needs to be me as we can't pay the bills on my wage. Didn't hear a peep from her about hubby doing more after that.

TheSaucepanMan · 14/07/2021 18:49

It's 2021 does it really matter if your dh is a high earner?!

DeRigueurMortis · 14/07/2021 18:51

@DrHWeasley

Earn more than him 🤣

Me too Grin

IsItShining · 14/07/2021 18:51

Went very part-time when the kids were small and he earned peanuts too. Have gradually ramped it back up again over the years now the one with SEN is grown.

Ironically, I think he's nearing burnout, whereas I could probably go on happily increasing hours for some time to come. My pension will thank me for it, and it means I can keep realistically suggesting that he stops bloody moaning about work and actually looks for something else.

Original poster
Bakereld · 14/07/2021 18:52

@TheSaucepanMan

It's 2021 does it really matter if your dh is a high earner?!
Oh jesus, of course it doesn't!

I probably phrased my post badly - should have been along the lines of 'If you OR your DP is a higher earner, what does the other do' etc etc

I'm interested to know how others in this situation work their family dynamics around this.

OP posts:
jb7445 · 14/07/2021 18:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

WorriedMillie · 14/07/2021 18:53

I work, it’s important to me to be independent!

Whoarethewho · 14/07/2021 18:54

@DrHWeasley

Earn more than him 🤣
That is the best answer. I am a high earner and I want my partner to commit the same hours and earn equally. I certainly wouldn't accept them working part time or giving up work to rely on my income . There again I ain't marrying them untill it becomes less of a financial risk and that happens when partners have equal wealth and income.
Whoarethewho · 14/07/2021 18:56

@WorriedMillie

I work, it’s important to me to be independent!
Yep that too. I don't know many men who want their wives to be dependent on them and I certainly don't think it is good for the wives being dependent financially.
Dontdripme · 14/07/2021 18:57

I am a carer for my DS (8)

cheeseismydownfall · 14/07/2021 18:57

I work PT (0.6 FTE) in a mid-weight role with a lot of flexibility (incl. 45 days holiday which I negotiated so I can be around with the children over school holidays). It is reasonably stimulating and I am content with it, although I wouldn't say I am passionate about it.

If I was advising my younger self I would tell me to prioritise my career (as a graduate I was accepted onto a career path that could have had me out-earing DH by many multiples now), but to be fair I wouldn't have listened to myself Grin. And on the whole we have a very good work-life balance as a family and a marriage of equals, so I count my blessings.

Underbox · 14/07/2021 18:59

@Chickoletta

I work part time (0.8) and also earn well. My husband’s salary has no impact on my own ambition or aspirations.
^ This ^
Chicchicchicchiclana · 14/07/2021 18:59

@Greaterthanthesumoftheparts

My DH is a higher earner on considerably more than 70k. I work full time and earn 20% more than he does. Our plan is to max out our pensions and retire early. Giving up work was never a consideration for me, I went back full time when DS was 5 months old and have a really fulfilling job. We have a cleaner 8 hours a week which gives us all weekend to just enjoy time with DS and DSS without having to think about chores.
Ooooh you're so fabulously rich! Can you lend me a tenner? I'm good for it.
Saidtoomuch · 14/07/2021 19:00

You certainly don't fall into the ladies that lunch trap. You use the financial freedom to retrain / requalify or take calculated new business venture risks.

karmakameleon · 14/07/2021 19:00

Also a full time, high earning professional, but not as high as him.

Re, how did you decide working hours, he had to change roles at one point because he was travelling too much to pull his weight at home. One of our jobs had to give and despite the fact he earned more, we agreed he’d give up and find something new. So I don’t think it follows that the lower earner fits around the one that earns more.

badpuma · 14/07/2021 19:00

@Chickoletta

I work part time (0.8) and also earn well. My husband’s salary has no impact on my own ambition or aspirations.
This
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