If your DH is a high earner, what do you do?

[Bakereld]

Hi all,

I'm wondering, if your DH/DP is a high earner (let's say £70Kish plus), what do you do?

Do you work part time? SAHM? Fulltime with lower/equal pay etc?

How did you decide on your working hours - was it to do with childcare/ or your DH wanting you to have less stress etc?

Thanks :)

@jb7445

I'm the high earner. My husband works 3 days a week and has gone through a few stages of not working at all.

We don't have kids - it's a combination of his much lower earning capacity and the effect it has on his mental health working full time. I'd rather have a happy, healthy husband than the extra money him working full time would bring. We're a team 😊

Yep, that's how we see it too. Being the high earner involved a lot of travel, so I managed home, pets & investments. Turned out I'm ND, so work was always a challenge for me, tho I did bits & pieces. Keeping him sane was quite challenging too.

He's now retired & we share house stuff. Still seems like there is too much lide admin, we need to simplify things.

I have always significantly out earned DH. During DC's early years and then again during early teen years, DH stayed home. He was better at it, had more patience, and is an artist so had potential to make some money. I, on the other hand, was a lousy SAHP. It worked out for us, no arguments, made sense financially and practically.

I'm shaking my head at some of the folks on this thread, including OP. Can we not just move beyond the 1950's mindset? As to the 'whore' comment, that is just disgusting. Shame, poster. Shame.

DH is a high earner - more than £70k

I’m a SAHM, I care for our young son who is disabled and do a lot of fundraising for various charities.

Work p/t & have most of the holidays off.

My decision, DH asked if I wanted to go back to work after dc2 as childcare costs were more than my wage for a bit, I said 100%.

DH can wfh though & does his share of pick ups etc. I also work locally.

When I got pregnant with DC we tossed a coin to see who would stay at home. We agreed one of us would.

I earnt more but I got the chance to stay at home.

He now earns more than we earnt originally jointly. I do school runs, work part time, walk dogs and manage the house.

My husband’s salary has no impact on my own ambition or aspirations.

Completely agree.

DH is a high earner
I am a higher earner, but work half-time so make less overall. I had planned to be working a few more hours at this point, but our child has some additional needs so the extra flexibility makes our family life much easier. Eventually I will transition back and become the higher earner by both hour and total again.

I chose to be the one to step back for a couple of reasons. The first is personality. I’m just better able to handle DD’s particular needs which are very similar to mine as we have the same non-NT condition. The second is that my job is just more flexible. I work by billable hours anyway so it’s really a matter of how much work I decide to take on. My employer is perfectly fine with my decision to work a smaller portfolio. I third is that I don’t trust dh to actually work a reduced schedule because he has a very hard time not working more than necessary.

Full time house wife (sorry, can't think of a more pc description). Not through choice particularly, but through a series of unfortunate events. If I could turn back time and dispense with the events and go out to work instead, I would.

Saying that I quite like being at home and rarely get bored. I'm definitely not a lady who lunches though. Probably see a friend for food about once every couple of months or more.

I will say DH likes that I have most of the holidays off as he doesn't have to worry about trying to cover them & his annual leave can be used for holidays together.

DH basic salary £135k plus bonus circa £75K

I’ve worked for a large corporate in senior administration for over 35 years.

For many years I earned more than him. Until the last 15 months I’ve always worked full time and been the (wo)man of the house.

I’m done now though, time for me.

@pubble

My husband’s salary has no impact on my own ambition or aspirations.

Completely agree.

Me too. I hate casual sexism. “Your husband wanting you to have less stress as he’s a high earner”. 🤮

We both earn in the 75-90k region and both work 4 days a week

I was a SAHM for a few years, then went back part time and then full time as the children grew up. I had the flexibility to work around the DC's needs because DH earned enough to facilitate that. At all times all money earned was shared.

23 hours a week over 2-3 days.

Partly because didn’t want to put kids in FT childcare, partly so he could lean in whilst I did most of the home stuff (although he more than pulls his weight there), partly because I just didn’t want to really commit to work and was pleased to be off. Also my job is very long shifts and tiring and you seem to be always coming off a night, going on to a night, working weekends etc.

We did toy for a bit with me becoming a SAHM and I still might, although children all in school now. But then the pandemic came so we didn’t and now I wonder if I’d feel a bit lost without a couple of days a week at work.

Since last year I’ve been building my career so work 50hrs a week for a tenner an hour in a hospitality setting. I’ve had two promotions since starting and the goal is to have my own pub and beyond but I’ll realistically never out earn him. It’s not about the money though.

Previously I was either at home or working part time. But now I’m in my forties and the kids are (nearly) adults I’m having a go at my own career.

Dh earns c£80k plus overtime so about 4x what I do, but he’s wfh and flexible so has become the default parent/housekeeper/cook.

I was able to move into a completely new career after dc1 despite starting on crappy pay. I've worked really hard & changed jobs in the last few yrs & now earn ok (would be a higher rate tax payer if ft). I will increase to FT and whilst not sure I can out earn him I aim to be a high earner.

congrats on your retirement, @SpeakingFranglais. I'm looking forward to being there in a mere 18 months.

Another shit money thread

I was a SAHM when the DC were pre schoolers. Went back to work when they started school.

I'm part time (0.7 FTE) in a fairly well paid (but a lot less than DH) professional role. I love my job, but I do really like the fact that DH's salary allows me to be part time. Fridays off and a little bit of flexibility on the other four days is fab!

If DH and I ever split up (not on the cards as far as I know!) I'd be able to go full time and earn a fairly decent amount so I don't consider myself to be financially vulnerable.

I’m a high earner. DP works part time in a difficult and important but low paid job and does all the child wrangling, shopping, laundry, running the house etc.

I’m a sahm

I hone educate. So don’t work. I love it. The freedom it gives me. We also have w housekeeper. So I don’t spend it cleaning either. We do outsource quite a bit. Tutor etc. But saved on school fees.

I’m retraining in computer programming. But not looking to go back into full time work. Thinking of starting a very small business in what I’m retraining in.

I’m incredibly happy with life. I wouldn’t want to be both working. With high outgoings. I love being there for my children and having the freedom to just up and go.

Both high earners, he works almost FT (90%) although only reduced to that a few years ago (DC now teenagers). I work 60%. Similar FTE. We were lucky in that we could happily have lived on one salary (or even one PT salary) so could both make the choice we wanted provided we didn’t both want to be FT SAHP. I chose to have more days as “just a mum” than working as felt like right balance for me - couldn’t see myself being either SAHP or working FT. When kids were small it meant I had two whole days with just me and them. Once both in school it meant I had sufficient time to get our lives back under control in terms of housework and admin. He preferred to work more and retire earlier. I preferred to have more time with DC. On days we both work, we’ve shared childcare etc equally.

My sister decided to take 5 years off working to have her kids - determined she would be there for their first years - it was a struggle for her - not being enormously maternal but she wanted to do it. Her dh was made redundant from his "big job" and they swapped roles - he took over the household management including kids (which he loved) and she went back to her 'big job" travelling and bring home the bacon and they have happily occupied those roles for 15 years now. They suited themselves - both had well paid roles but took turns running the family - it worked for them, you have to figure out what works for you - forget what everyone else does, it really doesn't matter - they don't live your life.
Both parents are not always very interested in doing the day to day management of the kids - often one is - sometimes neither I had neither growing up - I survived but didn't want it for my kids - my choice - doesn't mean I'm a whore or that our kids resent their father or that I'm financially vulnerable. Dh earning a large salary gave us choices.

I am a professional with less responsibility than DH in a business sense.I have worked a lot less hours 30-40 per week and consequently earn a lot less but have had the time for talking to DC, taking them to school and being the steady available person.I'm quite old now and have no regrets, I realise it was a luxury. On the other hand I am not sure that I would want it for one of my DC necessarily.

My part time salary is more than his.