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Original poster

If your DH is a high earner, what do you do?

268 replies

Bakereld · 14/07/2021 18:33

Hi all,

I'm wondering, if your DH/DP is a high earner (let's say £70Kish plus), what do you do?

Do you work part time? SAHM? Fulltime with lower/equal pay etc?

How did you decide on your working hours - was it to do with childcare/ or your DH wanting you to have less stress etc?

Thanks :)

OP posts:
Captainj1 · 14/07/2021 20:05

Work full time and earn a lot more than him.

Fizbosshoes · 14/07/2021 20:07

There dont appear many MN who's partner or themselves arent high earners tbh.

pubble · 14/07/2021 20:07

“Your husband wanting you to have less stress as he’s a high earner”.

For me stress would be not working 😆

Shudacudawuda · 14/07/2021 20:07

I'm the high earner. My husband works 3 days a week and has gone through a few stages of not working at all.

We don't have kids - it's a combination of his much lower earning capacity and the effect it has on his mental health working full time. I'd rather have a happy, healthy husband than the extra money him working full time would bring. We're a team

Love this ❤

godmum56 · 14/07/2021 20:08

well I can tell you what I did. I had a half time job in management in the NHS. Both of us really wanted to have dogs (no kids not that that is relevant) so half of my time was spent enjoying a career and the other half running the house and looking after the dogs. It was a good life for all of us.

SummerHouse · 14/07/2021 20:08

In my experience the part timer (whatever the wage) ends up with a disproportionate amount of house shit.

Original poster
Bakereld · 14/07/2021 20:09

Wow, lots of interesting replies - thanks everybody :)

Full disclosure on my own situation: DP high earner, works crazy hours, lots of stress (NHS). I work FT, good but stressful career, high earning potential too, not quite there just yet but well on my way! I'm very financially independent much to the disbelief of those who disliked my badly phased/biased OP which I am very sorry for - feel like an idiot...

Reason I asked, it's no secret one partner being a 'high' earner allows more freedom for the other with potential working hours/less 'stressful' career choices if you have children, elderly/ill parents, health issues etc etc.

I wondered how others juggled this situation, and what their choices have ended up being (even if it was that they both chose to work).

Me and DP are trying to retire early (FIRE), hence both working FT stressful jobs, but we are starting to wonder whether it is worth the stress, life is short etc.

OP posts:
linerforlife · 14/07/2021 20:12

I'm a high earner too Grin And I work compressed hours (5 days in 4).

RobinPenguins · 14/07/2021 20:13

DH on about £70k. I’m on about £50k and work 0.8. I do nursery pick ups/drop offs and the lions’ share of laundry, extra curricular activities etc. We have a cleaner. Only 1 child makes it all more manageable.

DH would have to be earning a lot more for me to not work, but I can’t imagine wanting that anyway. Yes there’s a lot more stuff for us both to deal with/juggle and a lot less time to do it in than if I was a SAHM but I like working so it suits us this way.

1977mum · 14/07/2021 20:14

I'm on approx £90k
DH earns £125k

Neither of us really want to do day to days kids - solution was living in London 0.2m from school and Lots of close activities eg walk ballet, football. Beavers. After school club

Means we can get up at 8, and manage kids v easily on foot in evening.

godmum56 · 14/07/2021 20:16

@linerforlife

I'm a high earner too Grin And I work compressed hours (5 days in 4).
life is much too short. DH died shortly after he retired.
godmum56 · 14/07/2021 20:17

@Bakereld

Wow, lots of interesting replies - thanks everybody :)

Full disclosure on my own situation: DP high earner, works crazy hours, lots of stress (NHS). I work FT, good but stressful career, high earning potential too, not quite there just yet but well on my way! I'm very financially independent much to the disbelief of those who disliked my badly phased/biased OP which I am very sorry for - feel like an idiot...

Reason I asked, it's no secret one partner being a 'high' earner allows more freedom for the other with potential working hours/less 'stressful' career choices if you have children, elderly/ill parents, health issues etc etc.

I wondered how others juggled this situation, and what their choices have ended up being (even if it was that they both chose to work).

Me and DP are trying to retire early (FIRE), hence both working FT stressful jobs, but we are starting to wonder whether it is worth the stress, life is short etc.

oops wrong quote...I was refering to this one
rubbletrouble · 14/07/2021 20:18

I'm the high earner. My husband works 3 days a week and has gone through a few stages of not working at all.

We don't have kids - it's a combination of his much lower earning capacity and the effect it has on his mental health working full time. I'd rather have a happy, healthy husband than the extra money him working full time would bring. We're a team

That's exactly what's it's all about, you do what's best for you as a team and what makes each of you happiest. That's what's most important.

Simbacatisback · 14/07/2021 20:18

Mine is a very high earner
I am a moderate earner by comparison but still much more than £70k

Both work full time and always have

cptartapp · 14/07/2021 20:20

DH outearns me several times. I'm a part time nurse and went back to work when the DC were four and five months respectivel and paid for nursery,, even though I didn't need to work I was going stir crazy at home. I also changed roles to work mon-fri, no shifts, weekends or bank holidays.
I've done most of the childcare over the years but DH never did silly hours or worked away much. Lucky really, as we had very little family help and covering school holidays etc was a struggle. Now almost 50 and the DC 18 and 16 I'm still doing 20 hours a week with no plans to do more.
In fact as we've had no mortgage for several years we max out our pensions and hope to retire at 55.

mobear · 14/07/2021 20:24

I work full time, although now DC is here I might go down to 4 days a week if my work allows it.

whatonearthnow · 14/07/2021 20:30

@whoarethewho 'I am a high earner and I want my partner to commit the same hours and earn equally. I certainly wouldn't accept them working part time or giving up work to rely on my income . There again I ain't marrying them untill it becomes less of a financial risk and that happens when partners have equal wealth and income.'

In an ideal world but how does that work when you have kids? Unless you rely on full time nursery, nannies, au pairs, housekeepers etc someone's career has to give. Mat leave only covers the first year. After that who take the pain when your dc is sick, as they are all the time when they first start nursery. Schools runs, school holidays, listening to reading, homework, ferrying to and from clubs all take up a huge amount of time. High paid careers don't tend to be 9-5pm.

The women I know with full on carers and 6 figure salaries either have Dh's who work part time and do the grunt work of child rearing or outsource everything to nannies/boarding school and see very little of their dcs.

pubble · 14/07/2021 20:30

I also think the age you are impacts your decision, I'm in my 30s & only 1 of my friends doesn't work although plans to go back at some point. It didn't really cross my mind to give up work plus because of tax structure one high earner brings home less then two workers earning the same.

110k = 5.8k whereas 70k & 40k is 6.6k plus you can still get some benefits.

Micemakingclothes · 14/07/2021 20:31

@Bakereld

Wow, lots of interesting replies - thanks everybody :)

Full disclosure on my own situation: DP high earner, works crazy hours, lots of stress (NHS). I work FT, good but stressful career, high earning potential too, not quite there just yet but well on my way! I'm very financially independent much to the disbelief of those who disliked my badly phased/biased OP which I am very sorry for - feel like an idiot...

Reason I asked, it's no secret one partner being a 'high' earner allows more freedom for the other with potential working hours/less 'stressful' career choices if you have children, elderly/ill parents, health issues etc etc.

I wondered how others juggled this situation, and what their choices have ended up being (even if it was that they both chose to work).

Me and DP are trying to retire early (FIRE), hence both working FT stressful jobs, but we are starting to wonder whether it is worth the stress, life is short etc.

See this is an interesting question.

Both DH and I were born with health issues. While we are saving and planning for retirement, neither of us is naive enough to think we will both make it. We also watched my mother die relatively early from cancer.

Life isn’t worth living just for the future. We made a decision that we could enjoy a very nice lifestyle without worrying about maximizing our earnings. If I really cared about money I could work full-time in the for profit sector, instead I work part-time for a non-profit. Even then I am still a high earner, but I’m not maximizing my earning potential by any means. I purposefully stepped away from that crazy career path because it was destroying my soul and my body.

Most people don’t get the privilege of making that choice. I’m happy I got to be one of the few.

WeirdArchitecture · 14/07/2021 20:32

I do the window cleaner.

WeirdArchitecture · 14/07/2021 20:32

my apologies, wrong forum Grin

hotcoconut · 14/07/2021 20:33

DH is a high earner (significantly higher than £70k). I run a creative business part-time from home, earning a minimal amount right now. We have a DS in nursery 3 days, and I keep him busy the other 2 weekdays. DH works standard office hours and never works on weekends, so he does a lot of hands-on parenting. I decided I'd be happier with the flexibility of my own business, and I have no plans to increase hours when DS starts school next year. I currently do the nursery runs and I will do all the school runs when DS is in primary school.

I achieved financial independence a few years ago through some shrewd investments so that's put us in a good position, although DH enjoys his job and earns enough that we have a good lifestyle without my earnings.

DinosaurDiana · 14/07/2021 20:33

I worked part time, but I knew that he would never ring in sick if the kids were ill and we were both working.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 14/07/2021 20:34

@HermioneWeasley

I’m a high earner. DP works part time in a difficult and important but low paid job and does all the child wrangling, shopping, laundry, running the house etc.
Why did you reply on a thread asking "If your DH is a high earner what do you do?"

Do you think OP is unaware that women earn more in many heterosexual relationships?

SpeakingFranglais · 14/07/2021 20:34

@2018SoFarSoGreat

congrats on your retirement, *@SpeakingFranglais*. I'm looking forward to being there in a mere 18 months.
Counting down the days, counting down the days x
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