DP landed a promotion now i have to change my job

[Happyfuture]

My DP has recently been offered a huge promotion, which means he will be working in another county so his commute will be much longer.
During lockdown I had to move stores or face redundancy, the area I work in has no public transport around the hours I need to travel (rural area buses run between 1 to 2 hours apart).
I dont drive due to a disability so DP usually drops me off and picks me up before and after he has to work.
This won't be feasible now due to the change. I love my job and colleague's and I make decent money and work full time. I dont want him to turn the promotion down as it will make his career and earn him a fair whack more than atm, but I cant help feeling a little disappointed and annoyed that I have to give up a great job and wonderful people who I really enjoy working with. In the town I live, full time jobs are really hard to come by, so whatever extra he will earn if I change jobs and end up with a part time position the extra money will land us in the same financial bracket as we were before. Am I wrong for feeling like my career is worth less than his and that I should sacrifice a wonderful workplace so his career can flourish??

You're not selfish at all.
To all the people telling you to move- this can take months and many thousands of pounds- it's not a quick fix.

Give access to work a call!

Many people have mentioned access to work. You may be able to get your taxi fully or partly paid for. That's where to start.

Pay for taxis but look at moving to somewhere you are not reliant on someone else, what would happen if your dh died or was injured and can't drive? Before reading your OP I thought your dh was selfish but that was when I thought it was to do with you having to cover his childcare or similar. You need to find a way of transporting yourself and if you have to pay for now you have to pay, your wellbeing is worth it

I would:

a) Look into Access to Work as others have suggested.
b) Speak to the taxi company about a discount for a contract - DH used to do this to go to the airport each week and they gave a nice little discount to him.
c) If DH is earning more then the cab fares could be more affordable between you.

Remember too, if he'd been made redundant (as many are) and this was the only job, you'd be in the same position so you do need to have that independence of travel somehow. If he became ill or disabled himself you'd be in the same position.

£150 a week is a lot of money but, looking at the journey I used to do for commuting before DS came along...I had a 1 hour train journey. The cost now is £137 per week. Plus I would have to drive to the station as we're 10 miles away. Parking is now £30 a week.

You need to sit down together and work out if the extra he's making plus the bit you're prepared to lose (remembering that most people pay to get to work rather than having a lift) is worth what he's getting for the promotion. If it is, then get the cab sorted out. Stark 'money in, money out' will bring this into perspective for both of you. But if you give up your job, your family income is down by your salary so that's a silly option at the moment.

@SuperstoreFan Don’t be so ridiculous. You don’t just get to “tell” your partner what to do with their career.

[quote Nicknacky]@SuperstoreFan Don’t be so ridiculous. You don’t just get to “tell” your partner what to do with their career.[/quote]
Yes I do, especially if I relied on him to get me to work. OP's career had been put on the back burner for years, it's her turn to shine.

@SuperstoreFan Well, I suppose you do have that right if you are a complete dick about it.

It’s fair enough then if the OP’s partner tells her to give up her job then?

Yes I do, especially if I relied on him to get me to work. OP's career had been put on the back burner for years, it's her turn to shine.
What utter nonsense.

It’s rubbish isn’t it.

I was offered a dream job a couple of weeks ago after a year on furlough, but had to decline as there was just no way I could do the very early start time because my kids just can’t get themselves up and to school in the mornings, and my husband by his own admission isn’t good in the mornings, so couldn’t do the morning school run for me. He’s self employed so can get up when he likes really, but a part of me will always feel disappointed that he didn’t want to step up for it.

I now work 6 days a week evening shifts in a warehouse and the physical side of the job is crippling.

@SuperstoreFan - OP's career can still shine. Unless she's earning £149 a week and paying out £150 a week there's no need to give up her work. Many (women) people work for a very small income as they have to pay out for childcare but they keep the job going because of future promotions, salary rises etc.,

A lot of people have suggested ways this can be overcome and, to be honest, the OP needs to sort out a way to be independent travelwise anyway. What if he's ill and she needs to go to an appointment or an evening out? What happens if the car breaks down or DP has an accident meaning it's off the road? What happens, God forbid, if he's disabled or worse? She still has to be able to get around the area she lives or works in, without him.

I'd be finding out how much I would have had to pay on the bus to get to work (my normal outgoings if he'd not been in a position to take me every day) and talking to DP about paying the difference in a cab.

Sorry to read this OP, I can imagine it's stressful, but I do agree with others that you need to find a way to get to work independently.

It wouldn't be right for your DP to turn down a great promotion purely to continue dropping you to and from work. The extra money he earns will also be good for you and your family.

I would definitely contact a taxi company and ask what price they could give you for doing that journey so regularly, or as someone else has suggested, could one of your kids drop you for a bit of money?

@GilbertsLuckySocks

It’s rubbish isn’t it.

I was offered a dream job a couple of weeks ago after a year on furlough, but had to decline as there was just no way I could do the very early start time because my kids just can’t get themselves up and to school in the mornings, and my husband by his own admission isn’t good in the mornings, so couldn’t do the morning school run for me. He’s self employed so can get up when he likes really, but a part of me will always feel disappointed that he didn’t want to step up for it.

I now work 6 days a week evening shifts in a warehouse and the physical side of the job is crippling.

What the fuck? This is outrageous. You gave up a great opportunity cos your useless partner couldn’t be arsed to get his own kids to school? School time is hardly the crack of dawn. Jesus.

During lockdown I had to move stores or face redundancy, the area I work in has no public transport around the hours I need to travel (rural area buses run between 1 to 2 hours apart).
I dont drive due to a disability so DP usually drops me off and picks me up before and after he has to work.

So your choices were redundancy or working somewhere difficult to get to because of your disability? I'd discuss this with your HR department and see what they can suggest. Not sure of the nature of your job but remote working or changing your hours to fit in with public transport might be a possibility at least for some of the days. And the Access to Work scheme that PP have mentioned. Don't give up yet!

Yes that really is outrageous.

I’d never be able to respect that man again. What a loser.

@Happyfuture taxi fare is worth it. Don’t give up your job that you love.

What the fuck? This is outrageous. You gave up a great opportunity cos your useless partner couldn’t be arsed to get his own kids to school? School time is hardly the crack of dawn. Jesus

Quite. Why on earth do women do this to themselves? If you had taken the job he would have had to get his bottom out of bed and got the kids to school. If a similar opportunity comes your way please don't give it up because he's a lazy idiot.

This situation hits a bit close to home for me, I’m sorry I don’t have any suggestions but I really feel for you and hope someone has an answer that will make it work.

Don’t quit your job, you’ve already sacrificed your pension to raise his kids and you have zero legal protections since you’re unmarried. Don’t leave yourself even more a risk for just a boyfriend, yikes!

I hope OP is able to use the access to work scheme. As the kids are now adults, she’s not married, it might make more sense to move closer to work to cut down commuting costs for both her and her DP.

I don’t wish to derail the thread but I wish Gilbert can try to see if she can still get that dream job. The husband is self-employed and has no excuse not to get up early, strategic incompetence is just so off-putting. Even school drop-offs being shared with other parents, a childminder/nanny doing the school run, car-share, breakfast cub, seeing if you can negotiate working from home or having a later start etc, there were so many possible options and it’s almost heartbreaking to read that someone now has to literally do back breaking work just because their husband, who is supposed to be an equal partner, can’t be bothered to get up in the mornings.

I was offered a dream job a couple of weeks ago after a year on furlough, but had to decline as there was just no way I could do the very early start time because my kids just can’t get themselves up and to school in the mornings, and my husband by his own admission isn’t good in the mornings, so couldn’t do the morning school run for me

What the fucking fuck?

That's a completely different circumstance. Completely. If you have ended up taking a job that is harming your physical health and missing out on a much better one because your children's father can't be arsed to cope with getting them to school in the morning... That is beyond shit. And outrageous. I would be utterly furious. Marriage-endingly furious. There is no way anyone I could remotely respect as my spouse would put their morning laziness above my career.

@GilbertsLuckySocks

It’s rubbish isn’t it.

I was offered a dream job a couple of weeks ago after a year on furlough, but had to decline as there was just no way I could do the very early start time because my kids just can’t get themselves up and to school in the mornings, and my husband by his own admission isn’t good in the mornings, so couldn’t do the morning school run for me. He’s self employed so can get up when he likes really, but a part of me will always feel disappointed that he didn’t want to step up for it.

I now work 6 days a week evening shifts in a warehouse and the physical side of the job is crippling.

More fool you.

OP, for what it's worth, you're not being selfish for feeling how you feel. But yourDP taking you to/from work is not sustainable in any case. I think the best points raised have been about the access to work acheme and the HR issue about you being practically forced to take a job when you are unabke to travel there independently.

Honestly, I would move. I have a medical condition that means I can't drive for months at a time. I don't live somewhere with no public transport for this reason. You don't have to live in a town - I live in a rural area, but on a good bus route. I would hate being dependent on my DH for lifts.

You can still keep working. The change is that you now have to pay and organise transport to work, instead of getting a lift.

Get a taxi in the mornings, and then try to arrange your working hours around a bus home if possible.