DP landed a promotion now i have to change my job

[Happyfuture]

My DP has recently been offered a huge promotion, which means he will be working in another county so his commute will be much longer.
During lockdown I had to move stores or face redundancy, the area I work in has no public transport around the hours I need to travel (rural area buses run between 1 to 2 hours apart).
I dont drive due to a disability so DP usually drops me off and picks me up before and after he has to work.
This won't be feasible now due to the change. I love my job and colleague's and I make decent money and work full time. I dont want him to turn the promotion down as it will make his career and earn him a fair whack more than atm, but I cant help feeling a little disappointed and annoyed that I have to give up a great job and wonderful people who I really enjoy working with. In the town I live, full time jobs are really hard to come by, so whatever extra he will earn if I change jobs and end up with a part time position the extra money will land us in the same financial bracket as we were before. Am I wrong for feeling like my career is worth less than his and that I should sacrifice a wonderful workplace so his career can flourish??

@SengaMac

You are absolutely not being selfish. You are, in fact, being too self-effacing by wanting him to take this job to further his career.

The cost of him taking it would be your career being completely demolished.
He shouldn't take it.

Her career seems to be relying on him, she needs to find an independent way to get herself to and from work, there will be options, they may just cost. He is absolutely not being selfish to further his career and as such provide more for the family pot.

@rainbowstardrops

I wouldn't rush into giving up your job. Your DH has put you in this position, so he'll have to suck up the taxi fares. You shouldn't lose out on your independence that you've worked hard for.

But it's not independence if she's beholden to others for transport to the point the DP/DH can't get another job.

Enquire with the taxi company about a monthly contract cost.

@MichelleScarn

we've been together 20 years and my career always had to take a backseat to his or the kids needs. We have three almost adult children and I spent 10 years working part time positions to keep childcare costs low. The last 9 years I've worked full time and juggled it all, and finally felt I was getting somewhere career wise, finally started earning almost as much as him

I see that you earn as much as him - that changes it a bit in my opinion. If he will have a hefty increase I'd talk about getting taxis. Surely it wouldn't still be worth while, money wise? Maybe they'll do you a deal if it's everyday. Or ubers which tend to be cheaper.

The access to work scheme that others have already mentioned is designed for this purpose. It is much better for society in general that you should be in work, and a perfectly sensible use if the tax you pay as an employee for some of that to go to alleviating the additional costs for you to be able to work. You are eligible, it isn't means-tested and you can apply online at www.gov.uk/access-to-work/apply

OP one of my team has a disability that prevents her driving, access to work covers all of the cost receipt the amount it would cost by the cheapest form of public transport. When we closed her local office and she had to move twenty miles away or lose her job they still covered the taxi and it was a lot more than £150 a week.

*except

If it’s due to a disability that you can’t drive you should be entitled to help from access to work to get there. Please look into it

You are not being selfish OP.

And your life and career are as important.

Please do look into Access to Work and also PIP with mobility component (used to be the DLA amour for travel / transport).

And if a family had a member with a disability the lifestyle needs to be suitable for that member. Move house (if you possibly can) so that you are not dependent on your DH for transport! This will be so much better for all other aspects of your life, not just work.

You have worked hard to get to the position you are in now, don’t bemoan down in the path of his career progression. And continued career success, income and happiness for you will ultimately benefit both of you.

my career always had to take a backseat to his or the kids needs

Um. This is not being selfish. Can you get a bus pass? I have one. Yes, it's a pain as I spend at least an hour a day dawdling waiting for one either end, but it means I can work.

Presumably you could get yourself to work before?

So you could take the job in the different location because your husband drove you?

So if he can now longer drive you then you are in the position that you were before.

@travailtotravel

There must be a way! Don't give up. And if it costs that much in cars, frankly it costs that much. What price your sanity and own aspirations.

I agree with this entirely! Assuming you earn more than £150 it might still be worth the taxis.

And you could advertise locally to see if someone would like to transport you into work regularly, they might be able to do it for £100. You can take taxis on days they have off.

Are there any jobs similar to yours in the area your DH's new job is?

I wouldn't quit my job, what if your DH can't work? You need to think longterm, not just about your financial security but also about your happiness, and having meaningful work can play a big role in that.

I can't drive either, but we live near buses and trains so it's not a problem. I would look into the Access payment or consider moving. When we moved to a new place, my DH was very considerate when I insisted that we needed to have good transport links, as I don't want to feel dependent.

Your independence is so important, don't give up! Solutions can be found.

Could you not use the 1-2 hour apart bus service.
It might add to your journey in terms of time but not expense
£30 per day on taxis is only £15 each way.

That really isn’t that far when you add it up. Tube station that is about 7 miles away is about that type of price for a taxi.

If it is a store then how do people get to it if there is no public transport?

Not sure Op's coming back!

However, if she is, just look on it from the other side.

I used not to drive, and dh drove. He was very good giving me lifts when he needed to etc. He even did the Sunday 8am swimming lesson with dd as there were no buses at that time.

But when I passed my test and started driving I realise that driving someone adds much more than I realised.

Dh normally cycles to work. However occasionally he needs a lift for various reasons.

My normal routine is along the lines of :
Leave 7:55, Throw children out at school on the way past at 8:15, arrive in work at 8:30.

His job is not very far out of my way-on paper, or at 3am. However, at that time in the morning it can easily take me 40 minutes extra, meaning that rather than being early into work, I'm late. Because I pick up the dc at the end of the day on the way home from work, I cannot stay late.

I have to drive into his work area and, because he doesn't drive, he doesn't have access to the car park, so I have to find somewhere safe, and out of the way to pull over while he gets out. Sometimes this is easy, sometimes it's really hard depending on traffic.
Pulling out of his work area is onto a very busy roundabout and can be both difficult and take a very long time!

Mentally I then arrive in work feeling much less ready. On a really bad traffic day (worst ever took me over 90 minutes) then even worse!

Now I don't mind doing it. As I said, it isn't often, I probably offer more often than he takes it up. But I think if he asked me to do it regularly then I'd find it really tough mentally, plus I would have to sort out hours at work, because currently there is no worries if on the odd day I'm late in, if I was in every day late, even if most of the time it's only a small amount, I would need to make the time up somewhere.

I'd be telling him that he can't take the promotion.

Is pay whatever it takes to get to work especially given your not married and their appears to be some tension in your relationship

@SuperstoreFan

I'd be telling him that he can't take the promotion.

🙄

I would firstly ask on local FB pages if anyone works that way and offer money towards fuel for a lift. Find a regular option, and a couple of backups in case they are on holiday/sick.

Also, have a look at how the bus times would work with your job, and ask your employer if you can adapt your hours slightly, so start earlier, or later, whatever fits the timetable.

Also, see if you qualify for Access to Work, as others have suggested.

I live rurally so I can understand the cost of a taxi would be too much on a daily basis. £600 every 4 weeks is a lot of money.

@SuperstoreFan

I'd be telling him that he can't take the promotion.

Don't he ridiculous. You can't hold yourself back just to give lifts. Not when there are other options available.

@SuperstoreFan

I'd be telling him that he can't take the promotion.

Why?

It's great that he's been able to take the OP to and from work as it fit in with the hours he used to work, but there are plenty of other options which allow the OP to get to work. As other posters have said what would happen if the OPs DP wasn't able to drive, for example ill health? Preventing someone from taking a promotion just to make sure they can continue to take you to work seems grossly unfair, and something even the OP isn't considering.

@SengaMac

You are absolutely not being selfish. You are, in fact, being too self-effacing by wanting him to take this job to further his career.

The cost of him taking it would be your career being completely demolished.
He shouldn't take it.

This can’t be a serious post, her career isn’t demolished she just needs to pick an option snd get herself to and from work. You know like most working people do ?

I’d spend the money on a taxi.
I know it’s a lot but in exchange you get to keep your independence, a salary, colleagues you like (rare find!). Sounds worth it to me.