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Original poster

DP landed a promotion now i have to change my job

237 replies

Happyfuture · 15/06/2021 22:15

My DP has recently been offered a huge promotion, which means he will be working in another county so his commute will be much longer.
During lockdown I had to move stores or face redundancy, the area I work in has no public transport around the hours I need to travel (rural area buses run between 1 to 2 hours apart).
I dont drive due to a disability so DP usually drops me off and picks me up before and after he has to work.
This won't be feasible now due to the change. I love my job and colleague's and I make decent money and work full time. I dont want him to turn the promotion down as it will make his career and earn him a fair whack more than atm, but I cant help feeling a little disappointed and annoyed that I have to give up a great job and wonderful people who I really enjoy working with. In the town I live, full time jobs are really hard to come by, so whatever extra he will earn if I change jobs and end up with a part time position the extra money will land us in the same financial bracket as we were before. Am I wrong for feeling like my career is worth less than his and that I should sacrifice a wonderful workplace so his career can flourish??

OP posts:
Longdistance · 15/06/2021 22:32

I gave up a job I loved as dh wanted to move to Oz with his company as they had an opening for him. I really resented my dh and it ate away at our marriage. It was very close to divorce but we ended up going for counselling.
Did your dp discuss this with you beforehand?

Howshouldibehave · 15/06/2021 22:34

Is it remote where you live or where this job is? Someone who cannot drive with a husband working in another county may find it much easier living somewhere closer to good transport links and work opportunities.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/06/2021 22:35

What discussions did you have before he went for the promotion? Did you talk about having to give up this job if he got it?

You’re saying there are no other options for you to get there are you just having a rant about how unfair you feel he’s being? What can anyone say to help? More suggestions or sympathy?

travailtotravel · 15/06/2021 22:36

There must be a way! Don't give up. And if it costs that much in cars, frankly it costs that much. What price your sanity and own aspirations.

Plinkplonk1234 · 15/06/2021 22:38

www.gopili.co.uk/ride-sharing/
Maybe try some of these and as l.p. said ring around taxi companies to get a quote.

lunar1 · 15/06/2021 22:38

You really need to live somewhere on a bus route if it's at all feasible.

Egeegogxmv · 15/06/2021 22:39

finally felt I was getting somewhere career wise, finally started earning almost as much as him
That'll be why he went for the promotion, he can't have you threatening his financial dominance...

Disfordarkchocolate · 15/06/2021 22:40

Have you looked at the Access to Work scheme and are you entitled to DLA/PIP?

AlexaShutUp · 15/06/2021 22:40

Have you looked on car sharing websites in case anyone else is doing a similar journey? They wouldn't have to be your colleagues, just people who are willing to share lifts?

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 15/06/2021 22:42

Why do the buses running 1-2 hours apart mean that you can't use them to get to work?

LivingDeadGirlUK · 15/06/2021 22:42

I can't drive either and because of this have always lived in towns with good transport links. Have you considered moving closer to work? If your husband is working in another country its not just work you will be isolated from. I moved 20 mins walk from work and its amazing.

ChateauMargaux · 15/06/2021 22:44

Tell your partner how you feel. Add up what you have sacrificed over the years for your family and remind him that if you have to go part time, you as a family will be no better off but you as an individual will yet again bear the brunt of the change while already being disadvantaged due to being female, having taken time out to have children, having taken underpaid jobs at part time hours to keep the family in balance and save in childcare and that if you do this now, you will never be able to make this up and it affects your future earning capacity, your future pension but most of all, your sense of self as an individual rather than someone who always puts the needs of her family first and comes last every time. How big is his pay rise? Is it more than £10k? If it is... take it and get a taxi to work every day. You deserve it!!!

MotherofTerriers · 15/06/2021 22:45

Talk to local taxi firms. You’ll get a much lower price for a contract to take you backwards and forwards every day than paying for individual journeys.

user1471433754 · 15/06/2021 22:48

Please whatever you do, do not give up your job. It gives you that bit of extra independence. I did just that for my ex husband for his job and in return he ended up having an affair with a work colleague, they now have their own home together. You just never know what can happen 😔

UhtredRagnarson · 15/06/2021 22:49

OP would any of your DC be able to drive you for petrol money?

prettyvisitor · 15/06/2021 22:49

That'll be why he went for the promotion, he can't have you threatening his financial dominance...

You know him then?

Sunbird24 · 15/06/2021 22:50

@UhtredRagnarson

OP would any of your DC be able to drive you for petrol money?
Beat me to it!
partyatthepalace · 15/06/2021 22:51

Before you jump ahead with this... is it the right thing for you both? If it would mean that money is essentially the same because you would have to drop to PT, there is no obvious advantage?

So if you do go for it, he needs to know it’s a real sacrifice for you. But I wouldn’t just do it...

purplecorkheart · 15/06/2021 22:58

Are there other businesses nearby your workplace? Maybe you could contact them and see if their is anyone interested in carpooling. There are a couple of retired people in my town who do runs like yours at a cheaper rate that a taxi. They mainly do it for structure to their day and company.

GreyhoundG1rl · 15/06/2021 22:58

Am I wrong for feeling like my career is worth less than his and that I should sacrifice a wonderful workplace so his career can flourish??
It's hardly as basic as that, is it? You could equally ask if he should be held back in his career because he's got to be your taxi.
You'll just have to find some other way of getting there.

FrownedUpon · 15/06/2021 22:59

I spend £180 a week on train fares, so that doesn’t seem too bad to me for a taxi. Depends what your salary is.

It’s your choice surely. If you like the job that much, pay out for the taxis. It is actually a big ask of your DH to drop & pick you up every day.

ShadesOfMagenta · 15/06/2021 23:01

OP -it’s really relevant to this situation to know if you have equal access to money in this relationship-eg if you start taking taxis would you be down personally?

In my relationship we pool money but have £150/month fun money each - so if this was us I’d be no more worse off and as a couple we’d be up £X re the pay rise less the taxis.

Also you have to consider what happens if you give up your job and cannot get another one? What if you split up? How is your pension provision? Can your DP negotiate a few days working from home in the new role - very standard at the moment & will probably be the new normal- that would cut the taxi cost down.

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 15/06/2021 23:02

Don't give up, there should be a way.

I used to manage a commute like this with a combination of bus part-way, and then a lift from a colleague. It'd be worth finding out how your colleagues get to work.

When that colleague left, I managed to find someone doing almost the full route, to a different workplace, on a lift share website. I paid him the petrol and walked to/from his house.

SoMuchForSummerLove · 15/06/2021 23:02

@Egeegogxmv

finally felt I was getting somewhere career wise, finally started earning almost as much as him That'll be why he went for the promotion, he can't have you threatening his financial dominance...
You must have hurt yourself taking that huge leap
PiffleWiffleWoozle · 15/06/2021 23:02

How much is left after taxi fares? I would be inclined to keep working if there’s money left over.