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Original poster

DP landed a promotion now i have to change my job

237 replies

Happyfuture · 15/06/2021 22:15

My DP has recently been offered a huge promotion, which means he will be working in another county so his commute will be much longer.
During lockdown I had to move stores or face redundancy, the area I work in has no public transport around the hours I need to travel (rural area buses run between 1 to 2 hours apart).
I dont drive due to a disability so DP usually drops me off and picks me up before and after he has to work.
This won't be feasible now due to the change. I love my job and colleague's and I make decent money and work full time. I dont want him to turn the promotion down as it will make his career and earn him a fair whack more than atm, but I cant help feeling a little disappointed and annoyed that I have to give up a great job and wonderful people who I really enjoy working with. In the town I live, full time jobs are really hard to come by, so whatever extra he will earn if I change jobs and end up with a part time position the extra money will land us in the same financial bracket as we were before. Am I wrong for feeling like my career is worth less than his and that I should sacrifice a wonderful workplace so his career can flourish??

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 16/06/2021 06:37

Did he discuss the potential promotion and it's potential consequences with you before going for it? If not then that's one problem you need to look at. Does he know how you feel?

awaketoosoon · 16/06/2021 06:39

If you love your job, pay the taxis?

helpmewiththispleez · 16/06/2021 06:41

Just get the taxi .. honestly trains cost money, parking costs. It's just a cost. I pay £450 a month to get the train to London, plus parking, plus the cost to run a car.

anon12345678901 · 16/06/2021 06:42

Unfortunately this is your problem to solve, it's not fair for your husband to miss a promotion to be your taxi. I would look at the scheme others have suggested, but you really can't expect him to miss out on a promotion.

sashh · 16/06/2021 06:44

Another vote for access to work. There will be an adviser at your local Job Centre, their job is to get disabled people in work and to keep them there.

Also have a look at motability, depending on your disability you might be able to drive an adapted car.

ChairOnToast · 16/06/2021 06:44

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

gamerchick · 16/06/2021 06:45

OP, have your wallow. Good for the soul sometimes. But then stop and look at options.

Your problem is getting to and from work, getting a lift from husband is no longer possible. There are other options.

HumunaHey · 16/06/2021 06:46

As Pp have suggested, msybe one of your kids can drive you?

StuffinThePuffin · 16/06/2021 06:48

Are there really no other options? Can you move closer to your work, or at least to somewhere with better transport links?

MichelleScarn · 16/06/2021 06:49

@MyOtherProfile

Did he discuss the potential promotion and it's potential consequences with you before going for it? If not then that's one problem you need to look at. Does he know how you feel?
I'm assuming not or this would have also been covered then in the discussion they had when op took her current job, as the DP would have been made aware he can't take any other job as he needs to take op to and from work from now on. How far is it to work, have looked but can't see.
Snakebyte · 16/06/2021 06:50

No brainier. Get the taxi. Lot's of people spend that sort of amount on commuting. Perhaps you and partner can share the cost and it will help you keep your job, sanity and pension credits. You might get the costs down if you get a contract or help because of your disability. Also you will no longer be dependent on your partner or restricting him in any way. How much extra does he get for this promotion..

nettie434 · 16/06/2021 06:53

@NailsNeedDoing

It’s shit for you, but a disability that prevents you driving is the real problem, not your husbands job.
Wow! This is where the social model of disability would be a much more helpful way of looking at this. It is absolutely not the OP's disability which is the problem but the lack of joint discussion about the move and rural public transport.
Bluntness100 · 16/06/2021 06:56

You say it’s not about the money, you love the job and people and quitting would make you financially even

You must earn more than 400-600 a month and a taxi company for a regular contract will do this for way less than the standard fare, it’s obviously not that far if you’re estimating 15 quid each way, so just speak to a few companies and get a taxi contract, you’ll still be way better off and keep your job. There’s no need for any of this really.

If you want your job to be equal to his then you need to take personal responsibility to get yourself there and back, not just quit because he can’t drive you.

SuperSange · 16/06/2021 06:59

Have you looked into access to work as suggested above?

Howshouldibehave · 16/06/2021 07:00

that I should sacrifice a wonderful workplace so his career can flourish??

Asking him to base his future career around jobs that allow him to chauffeur you to work each day is not fair. It sounds like you need to move somewhere with decent travel links-if you can’t drive.

SpinachAndMushroom · 16/06/2021 07:03

A taxi sounds like an option, or Uber if they’re in your area as they are usually cheaper than taxis.

It does sound like your DP has also given up a lot if you don’t drive and he has driven you and three almost adult children everywhere forever, that’s a massive responsibility for just one adult in the family doing all the driving for every else for such a long time, so incredibly time consuming.

I think you just have to make this new situation work and remember that although you feel you’ve sacrificed career opportunities with the kids over the years, he’s had so much responsibility driving (I just can’t imagine how he managed a full time job, taking you to and from work and the kids places when you were a SATP) that he’s probably sacrificed them too, because it is pretty hard to fit in full time work and take 4 other people to dentist, doctors, hairdresser, grocery shopping, school, work, school events, social meet ups and everything else for 15-20 years, that part blows my mind especially if you have lived somewhere lacking in decent public transport all that time.

Doggitydog · 16/06/2021 07:05

Can you share taxi costs? When my DP got a promotion and more money, it did impact on me so we agreed that he would supplement the loss so that his promotion didn’t cause issues.

Doggitydog · 16/06/2021 07:05

I’m sure you could arrange a weekly rate with a taxi company.

speakout · 16/06/2021 07:11

How far is your place of work to your Ohs new job?
Could you move close to your work so you don't need a lift and OH can commute?

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 16/06/2021 07:11

Bluntness100 he's in a very long term, commited partnership (adult children together) with a person who has a disability preventing driving and a job only accessible by car or taxi. In a genuine partnership decisions impacting both partners are made together, and the disability one partner lives with is something both partners work around. Nobody should need to give up jobs or promotions in this case fortunately, as joint money would cover taxis and they'd still be better off.

If one partner wouldn't be able to work in China and didn't speak the language, and the other Cantonese speaker was offered a transfer with massive promotion in China, the needs of the partner disabled by lack of work visa and language skills would surely be taken into account before accepting the promotion... You may say it's different, but in fact in many ways the premise of working as a team to allow both partners the best outcome, not for one to fly and the other make all the sacrifices and become a dependant, is the same.

SimonJT · 16/06/2021 07:12

Like some others have said you need to explore the access to work scheme, employers pay upfront and are refunded. My husband uses it to get to and from work, we live in London, but rush hour isn’t safe for him to navigate so if he travels to/from work at busy times he gets a taxi, work pay for it and are refunded at certain intervals throughout the year. Yes, it is shit his disability limits him, but thats why he lives in a city so he can get around easier and have a wider range of opportunities .

Unless you work very long shifts how does your husband manage to work fulltime if he is picking you up and dropping you off?

JeanClaudeVanDammit · 16/06/2021 07:13

I can’t drive for medical reasons. Therefore I have to live and work somewhere with good public transport links. The idea of being completely reliant on my DH to drop me off and pick me up is awful, I’d have no independence whatsoever and his life and career would be negatively affected too. I’d be annoyed if he hadn’t consulted me first but really, you need to move house if you don’t want to move job, it’s not practical to be dependent on him for lifts for the rest of your working life.

fluffythedragonslayer · 16/06/2021 07:14

@SpinachAndMushroom

A taxi sounds like an option, or Uber if they’re in your area as they are usually cheaper than taxis.

It does sound like your DP has also given up a lot if you don’t drive and he has driven you and three almost adult children everywhere forever, that’s a massive responsibility for just one adult in the family doing all the driving for every else for such a long time, so incredibly time consuming.

I think you just have to make this new situation work and remember that although you feel you’ve sacrificed career opportunities with the kids over the years, he’s had so much responsibility driving (I just can’t imagine how he managed a full time job, taking you to and from work and the kids places when you were a SATP) that he’s probably sacrificed them too, because it is pretty hard to fit in full time work and take 4 other people to dentist, doctors, hairdresser, grocery shopping, school, work, school events, social meet ups and everything else for 15-20 years, that part blows my mind especially if you have lived somewhere lacking in decent public transport all that time.

I think it is just the new workplace that OP had to move to that doesn't have transport links, not the area she lives in. I think it is a bit over the top to assume her DP has spent his entire life driving everyone everywhere! I don't drive and DH never took the kids to any parties, appointments, etc, I did all the grocery shopping etc when the kids were small. He worked really long hours so I did everything! I took the kids on holiday on public transport. A bit of a leap to assume he has sacrificed his whole life to be the family chauffeur.
PrinnyPree · 16/06/2021 07:15

The taxi is a very reasonable compromise and as others have said you could probably get a discounted rate with a regular contract or maybe blend it with public transport. If his increased earnings cover the taxi costs its a no brainer.

CliftonGreenYork · 16/06/2021 07:18

@Megan2018

Did he discuss this with you first? Or is there an assumption you will just comply? I’d be livid if someone did that to me without consulting me first. I’d sooner move house if it was me!
You are being very unfair on her husband. He is the one who had to comply with having to take her to work everyday because she changed branches. Should he have to refuse a promotion because he has to be a taxi for his wife. Don't wish to be harsh to the OP but, the husband has done nothing wrong.