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Original poster

DP landed a promotion now i have to change my job

237 replies

Happyfuture · 15/06/2021 22:15

My DP has recently been offered a huge promotion, which means he will be working in another county so his commute will be much longer.
During lockdown I had to move stores or face redundancy, the area I work in has no public transport around the hours I need to travel (rural area buses run between 1 to 2 hours apart).
I dont drive due to a disability so DP usually drops me off and picks me up before and after he has to work.
This won't be feasible now due to the change. I love my job and colleague's and I make decent money and work full time. I dont want him to turn the promotion down as it will make his career and earn him a fair whack more than atm, but I cant help feeling a little disappointed and annoyed that I have to give up a great job and wonderful people who I really enjoy working with. In the town I live, full time jobs are really hard to come by, so whatever extra he will earn if I change jobs and end up with a part time position the extra money will land us in the same financial bracket as we were before. Am I wrong for feeling like my career is worth less than his and that I should sacrifice a wonderful workplace so his career can flourish??

OP posts:
Etinox · 15/06/2021 23:19

@Lougle

Have you tried the Access to Work Scheme
Lougle has linked to a great summary- here’s the gov link. www.gov.uk/access-to-work Good Luck!
Crafting1Queen · 15/06/2021 23:23

Hi @Happyfuture

Others beat me to the Access to Work scheme link. I see it says it may assist with a grant getting to and from work, which could pay for some of the taxi fares to work. It would be worth checking all that out/applying/speaking to your manager/hr/health and safety at work staff to see what options you may have. I am also disabled, and have received some assistance through this scheme, which has helped me stay in employment. It's hard enough getting jobs at the best of times, but with the added issue for employers, about supporting someone with any form of illness/disability you don't want to give your job up without looking at all avenues that may be available to you, and get your DH involved in also trying to find solutions too. Citizens advice may be able to advise, or point you in other directions to seek help too. Please don't hand your notice in just yet! I commend you on how calm and rational you sound about it just now, and that you're looking for solutions, so I really hope there is a way for you both to keep your jobs, it certainly sounds like you have been the one to sacrifice your employment status and compromise on your working hours etc, to make it work when the children were smaller, so I hope your DH can also come up with a compromise that works for both of you.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

www.gov.uk/access-to-work

ThirtyCharacterUsernamesOnly30 · 15/06/2021 23:30

How much is his pay rise? Would it cover the £150 a week taxi money? If it doesn't cover it, then does it cover the amount you will lose from quitting your job?

VanGoghsDog · 15/06/2021 23:36

And you're not married?

Don't give up your job. Make him solve the problem.

GreyhoundG1rl · 15/06/2021 23:40

@VanGoghsDog

And you're not married?

Don't give up your job. Make him solve the problem.

It's op's problem, primarily.
AtrociousCircumstance · 15/06/2021 23:44

Pay for the taxis while looking into other options.

Cowbells · 16/06/2021 00:00

Would your disability prevent you getting to work on an electric bike?

InTropicalTrumpsLand · 16/06/2021 01:12

Do you work the type of job that you could condense your hours and work 4 10h days to save on the commute? Agree with pp on getting quotes with taxi companies directly, you could be pleasantly surprised. Fight for your job, especially seeing as you aren't married.

MichelleScarn · 16/06/2021 05:42

@GreyhoundG1rl

Am I wrong for feeling like my career is worth less than his and that I should sacrifice a wonderful workplace so his career can flourish?? It's hardly as basic as that, is it? You could equally ask if he should be held back in his career because he's got to be your taxi. You'll just have to find some other way of getting there.
Agree with this, and does it also mean he can never look at other jobs if they mean he can't take op to work, or go on any training courses, attend meetings that would not be in the time frame for drop off/pick up?
YanTanTethera123 · 16/06/2021 05:46

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

Why do the buses running 1-2 hours apart mean that you can't use them to get to work?
If it’s anything like where I live the first bus is well after 9 and the last bus back is 3.45pm!
AlternativePerspective · 16/06/2021 05:52

This is hard OP, but the truth is that the only reason you were able to take this job was because he was able to drive you there and back. it’s not really feasible to expect him to never change jobs because he wouldn’t be able to drive you.

I do sympathise, I don’t drive either because of a disability, but that means that I live in areas with decent public transport, and jobs which are out in remote places just aren’t accessible to me without huge amounts of upheaval so I don’t apply for them.

I would look into access to work, I know there are criteria for agreeing travel, but it’s worth looking at, otherwise you will unfortunately have to look at changing jobs for one which is more local, and to be honest, will make you more independent as you’ll be able to get there without having to rely on your dh, alternatively, you need to look at moving closer to work.

Bluntness100 · 16/06/2021 05:56

Is an electric bike out the question? I’d pay for taxis or go on a car share website, generally you can negotiate with taxi companies for a reduced rate for a daily service,

I don’t think you’re being fair talking about equality of jobs, you’re asking him to drive you there and back each day, which he’s kindly being doing , but you’re not just thinking your jobs are equal you’re thinking yours is so far above he has to give up his promotion just to chauffeur you.

You have solutions,you just need to take personal responsibility and decide on one.

AlternativePerspective · 16/06/2021 06:02

This is the access to work page.

It does talk about help towards travel costs if you don’t use public transport, so it’s possible that given there is public transport in your area this could be an issue, but you would need to speak to them.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/access-to-work-factsheet/access-to-work-factsheet-for-customers

ivykaty44 · 16/06/2021 06:06

Advertise for a driver, many retired people would be happy for extra for a small driving job like this

PotteringAlong · 16/06/2021 06:09

So busses do go, they just get there early?

Could just just go, get into work early and get a taxi home?

Dinosauraddict · 16/06/2021 06:11

OP, I used to be in a similar situation. I also can't drive for medical reasons, and work full time at a job that is quite a way away. (DH also works FT elsewhere.) I used to rely on DH for a lift to and from the nearest train station each day, and I'd then make my own way from there. Honestly, it wasn't a long term solution. We ended up moving so we were closer to public transport links - now my ability to get to something like a train station independently is a key requirement. It has greatly improved my life.

drpet49 · 16/06/2021 06:19

That'll be why he went for the promotion, he can't have you threatening his financial dominance...

@Egeegogxmv gosh you got a massive chip on your shoulder Hmm

drpet49 · 16/06/2021 06:20

* I don’t think you’re being fair talking about equality of jobs, you’re asking him to drive you there and back each day, which he’s kindly being doing , but you’re not just thinking your jobs are equal you’re thinking yours is so far above he has to give up his promotion just to chauffeur you.*

*Agree with this. You need to sort out your own travel to work.

rwalker · 16/06/2021 06:22

Treading carefully but TBH this isn't your DH fault you moved to a store you can't get to and expect him to be your daily driver . I know your hand was force with store closures but you can't blame him for that .

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 16/06/2021 06:25

Hold on Happyfuture you are not being selfish to want your career to be valued equally to your husband's! Of course your work is equally important!

If you just didn't want to drive and wanted him to take you, or it was something you could resolve (driving lessons, therapy for fear of driving outside a set area) then you'd be selfish for not dealing with your issues and being asself contained as possible but that's not the case - if a disability prevents you driving its out of your control and can't possibly be described as selfish! Your DH presumably knew this for a long time,. and certainly before accepting the promotion...

I agree you should get taxis - if his pay rise would cover your salary anyway, and you work full time, then you'll still be financially better off and crucially happier continuing to work full time and paying £150 per week out of your joint money for taxis to work.

MargosKaftan · 16/06/2021 06:31

Do you earn more than £150 a week /does his promotion work out as more than £150 a month? If so its worth it.

Longer term, you will need to move house or to a job you can get yourself to / from.

RosesAndHellebores · 16/06/2021 06:33

I think there are a few steps you need to take op:

  1. Get married
  2. Move somewhere more accessible
  3. Access to work - maybe helpful wherever you live
  4. Check your contributions towards your state pension and be aware of any gaps.
  5. Consider carefully the cost benefits of any future Employer pension contributions when set against taxi fares.
  6. Do not give up your job.
Bluntness100 · 16/06/2021 06:34

Your DH presumably knew this for a long time,. and certainly before accepting the promotion...

Well yes, but it’s a bit much to expect him to give up career progression so he can chauffeur her, that’s not equality that’s putting her job above him

Fuck I’d not want to drive my husband to work and back every day, what a ball ache, and good for him for doing it so far, but the op needs to take personal responsibility now and get herself to work and back. She has options, yes none as good as him chauffeuring , but she doesn’t need to give up work , she jus needs to find another solution.

A taxi company will likely charge much less for a regular contract, and she has other options too.

LongTimeMammaBear · 16/06/2021 06:35

I think @UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme is very right (after looking into access to work scheme). Another point is that in the long term, DP promotion may lead to additional promotions, so more income and additional pension contributions. Your continuing to work will also in the long term mean additional pension contributions that you’ll both reap in the future.

Moving closer as well as that would mean you’re not so stranded while he is commuting longer hours.

FlyNow · 16/06/2021 06:36

Reading the thread title I was going to say yanbu and he is being unfair, but now I have the details I agree yabu. Give up a promotion just to drive you? When there are other options you could at least try, that you haven't even looked in to.

You must have known this was not a long term solution. His or your hours could have changed, his office could move or you could be relocated again, what if he is sick or injured, etc.