Opinions on women who've never worked?

[mangomcjango]

Name changed to avoid being flamed for whatever reason .

What is your opinion about someone who's never worked - by choice or by situation? For example, someone who went to university full time, got pregnant, became a SAHM and then went into early retirement.

Does your opinion change based on things like disability - i.e. if this person has a disability like autism, or a demand avoidant condition that makes it hard for them to work? Or is it all just laziness?

Cheers!

I don't agree with people choosing not to work and claim benefits.
If you can't work then , not your fault.
If you choose not to work and also choose not to have children , how boring.
I don't always like my job , but have good friends at work , I'd be bored at home ( unless I won the lottery )
I look at women married to rich men and think , where's your self respect ?

I have not been in paid work since I have had my last two children, and have only ever had crap jobs before then. I find the workplace quite difficult. I have aspergers and I have struggled with quite a few aspects of working when ive done it, although fairly reliable until I inevitably cant cope anymore. I also seem to be prone to getting low level bullying from colleagues which I find stressful. Ive lost a lot of confidence with work, and I also have PDA tendencies, which whilst not as bad as for some people, require a lot of strategies to manage, and to cope with working, alongside having my family just feels like it would be unmanageable for anything other than short term or part time or incredibly flexible.

Therefore I obviously wouldnt judge someone who hadnt worked and even though I have worked and had jobs and studied etc, I know plenty of people who cant work. I still feel quite bad about the fact I dont. Its really hard not to internalise the capitalist version of worth, especially if you have a disability. Its quite reassuring to read some of the answers on this thread actually

I know that the thread has got quite long now, but for whoever was asking if PDA was actually compatible with raising a family. I guess it can be, and thats why you have cases of neglect maybe, but I have strategies that allow me to do the things I REALLY need to do and for coping with the demands. I have realised there are things that I definitely need a certain amount of support and handholding to do and im lucky that im quite self aware, and I also know that if I dont do it, shit doesnt get done. I cant manage too many demands in one day, and I cant organise all the school stuff, but there are loads of things I have managed that I have surprised myself with, but I seem to be quite good at finding and accessing support when I need it and being the sort of person people dont mind helping. It is really hard though

@Branleuse Hi, OP here. So do you have PDA and a stable family life? Good for you, I guess this is evidence that it's possible. Do you have any tips / tricks you use for when your PDA tells you not to do something that you know you need to do? Also, what is your response to people on this forum who thinks if you have PDA you shouldn't have kids / can't be a good mum? Thanks so much! x

I have an aspergers dx, but as for PDA , I just think I have these tendencies. It makes it really hard to study and to initiate tasks etc. My main strategy is outsourcing things where I can, and being honest with myself. Getting support and sometimes just finding ways. I dont think my tips or strategies would necessarily what would work for you as everyone is different, but id say im not a brilliant parent, but im good enough.
Whether I should have had kids or not? Bit late now, but definitely more challenging than I could have imagined and theyre all loved and looked after.

@3rdNamechange

I don't agree with people choosing not to work and claim benefits. If you can't work then , not your fault. If you choose not to work and also choose not to have children , how boring. I don't always like my job , but have good friends at work , I'd be bored at home ( unless I won the lottery ) I look at women married to rich men and think , where's your self respect ?

Well, women married to rich men often do work and are well off in their own right. Those who don't are usually involved in various unpaid occupations and organise things for their husbands and families over and above what they could do if they worked. However I too think it is odd and am glad I went to work.

@Branleuse Thank you for offering your experience! I'm always interested in hearing people's experience in relation to autism / aspergers/ even traits of these things, particularly in relation to motherhood. So I'd just like to say thanks for mentioning that motherhood has been difficult for you, but that you're still doing a good enough job :) Good luck xx

as for saying people with PDA or autism shouldnt have children, I think surely that should be on a case by case basis like everyone else.

@Branleuse I agree, I think just because you will have additional needs it doesn't mean that you should avoid potentially difficult situations- one just needs to work on coping strategies and a support network! xx

*sorry should clarify, just realised I've been using multiple usernames - both bananabeachhouse and mangomcjango2 are me, the OP hahaha! xx

Both my sister & sil haven’t worked since being married & having kids (their kids are adults now) through choice not because of illness.

I’ve always worked, went part time after having my kids & I have a condition which is debilitating some days, where i drag myself into work, honestly I feel I could just bury a hole in the ground some days & be done with it. On those days I do envy my sister & sil that they are fit & well & don’t have to ‘go to work’.

It’s all just a personal choice though at the end of the day I think. Why do I still do it, because we need the extra money, because I just can’t imagine staying at home all the time.

Honestly? I think lucky, sensible women.Currently retraining, finding it very tough and tempted to jack it in to be an " artist."
In reality will prob have to work but will save for early retirement and do my art.

I am not lazy...in fact i have put my heart and soul into my studies but i cannot for the life of me negotiate workplace politics. Might google pda!

@malificent7 OP here!

If you do genuinely struggle with workplace environments, then autism isn't a far off theory (obviously it's not an automatic diagnostic tool, but it is a symptom!). If you don't mind me asking, what kind of art do you make? I'd love to be a writer or maybe general-crafty-person - very into the concept of making jewellery, but it's a difficult market to find a niche in (plus self employment seems to come hand in hand with other challenges!).

I love studying and learning, if I had the money to be a student forever I'd probably do it, I'm just not so sure about working. It's a strange place to be, mentally! Thanks for contributing xx

I used to do all sorts...did a btec 20 years ago but took up painting in lockdown. Might think of an area to specialise in eg animal art or landscapes.

Sorry...a btec specialising in ceramics.

I mean i am currently training to do a job in healthcare as i wanted to help people in oncology as mum died of cancer but some staff have been vile to me...then they wonder why there is a shortage!
I got a 1st in my 1st year....but i cannot handle politics.
I used to teach....again vile colleagues / politics. I admire women who dont work.

Child rearing is work. If you had to pay for someone to do those duties you would have to pay upwards of £30,000 for a nanny. A woman doing this job is also contributing to society in the form of raising a future generation, and supporting her family unit. Whilst I do have a job and no children I think it’s about time that women stop undervaluing each other and tearing each other down. How do we expect men to treat us with respect when we are so critical and negative to each other?

Well said @AllieCat26

Just leeches really. Sorry but you did ask.

I think that I wouldn't bother too much with what people think (mainly people are worrying what people think of them too much to bother too much about that). I would just think of yourself, and what you need.

I worked for years in a senior job, but for the past few years stopped work to do postgraduate study/care for my kids. For me at least, office working was probably the easy bit, in that it gave me an automatic structure, connections, and perhaps status - or at least my own money!

Both being a mum and being a postgraduate (two MScs) are quite free-flowing and that drive and direction has to come from within yourself to a high extent. There are few boundaries, you build your own connections and your sense of self has to be built from the inside out, rather than having the padding of an organisation. I've valued studying a great deal - but I do not see it as the easy option.

Obviously, temperament and your specific mental health circumstances may make a big difference. But I just think it is a more complex question that it first appears