Stuck between my husband and my employee

[StuckInTheMiddle1111]

DH and I own a small business. We have 4 employees. We are an essential business and have remained open throughout the lockdown with all staff working their normal hours.

We have an issue that’s been grumbling on for months and I’d like everyone’s opinions on this.

DH has developed a perfume sensitivity over the last few years and it seems to be getting worse. It affects our home life quite severely with him not allowing myself or my daughter to wear any scented deodorants, hair products or soaps. (Not great for a girl going through puberty). And refusing to socialise with friends who wear strong scents. And it’s now spilling into our work life.

One of the ladies who works for us apparently wears something that’s scented that irritates DH’s perfume sensitivity.

I’ve had a word with the employee who says she no longer wears any scented products or uses scented washing powder. But DH says he can still smell it.

So he’s installed a fan near her desk, keeps shutting his office door when she’s around and he wears a mask when near her and actively avoids her.

She has now lodged a formal grievance of bullying and intimidation because he makes her feel uncomfortable when he does these things.

I’m stuck in the middle. I can smell a very faint smell on her so she must be using something scented. (Although she insists she doesn’t). However, I also feel DH is just being very intolerant (he’s also very intolerant of noise and other things he considers annoying) and we’re all horrifically overworked, tired and stressed due to the covid situation so I feel his tolerance has reduced.

Likewise the employee is going through a difficult time, having recently split with her husband and leaving the marital home so I think both are being a bit unreasonable and both also have a point as well.

I just wondered what is the best way forward.

I don’t think it’s reasonable that your husband gets to dictate what hygiene products and washing products your employees use.

The thing is even if she uses anything g same ted outside of work then for someone who lives in a totally perfume free environment usually he and you are likely to smell it. You can't expect her to near use things even out of work. It doesn't sound like DH is totally overreacting and I understand why your colleague is upset. Not sure what the answer is though if DH won't budge.

Sorry, but I think your OH is out of order. He can't dictate to an employee that she can't use scented washing powder! I wouldn't be happy with him dictating to myself or my daughter either. Has he spoken to the GP? This sort of intolerance is unusual, but it's his responsibility to sort, not everyone else's.

That was supposed to say DH IS over reacting not isn't . And lots of other typos sorry.

She is totally right. Your husband is a bully and intimidator.

Your DH is out of order. He has no right to dictate that no one wears scented products.

If this went to a tribunal it could cost him a lot of money.

Does the sensitivity cause any real issue like asthma or does it just annoy him? At my work perfumes and air fresher is banned because two people have asthma. It is possible that she is using those scent things in her wash or uses a very smelly washing powder/conditioner. If it's a medical issue then DH is in the right but if it's just an annoyance he needs to get a grip.

I sympathise with your dh in that I’m very sensitive to scents, some are migraine triggers for me.but it’s his problem, not hers.

I worked with someone with a similar sensitivity. I wouldn't wear perfume to work but outside of there I'd use whatever I wanted. DH needs to sort himself out.

Has dh spoken to his doctor about his possible hypersensitivity to smell and noise if its getting worse. Surely putting a fan on just circulates any perfume. Tbh if I was an employee and was told not to use scented washing powder and was treated like a plaque victim I would lodge a grievance too. Perfume ok and she is happy to stop wearing it. If he had a severe allergy everyone would understand but its his responsibility to address this. Can he move into an office with a window if it bothers him that much..

He needs to get a grip and go see a doctor about this and stop inflicting it on everyone around him.
It is bullying and intimidation and his actions are placing your company in a dangerous position.
He also sounds selfish - everyone is overworked, but everyone still needs attend to his needs? He needs to step up and lead, as a manager, and not be the cause of conflict.

Having an airborne perfume allergy is a nightmare especially for my dd who is in school. Having said that if they have stopped using products then it is probably just from something like deodorant or maybe from contact with a different family member. Does he get full on symptoms or is he just concerned he might. Would he be able to move to a different location or work from home at least a few days a week?

Is the poor woman not allowed to use shower gel in the morning then?
Seriously, I'm sure she's not deliberately putting perfumed anything on, because why would she want her work life to be so miserable?

His behaviour is appalling. he needs to see a doctor, not take it out on this woman.

I think both are being a bit unreasonable

In what way do you think she's being unreasonable? Would you tolerate this behaviour from a boss you had no family link to?

Wow I feel sorry for this woman. And your daughter

I have sensitivity to certain perfumes, mostly those with musk in them, which my employees are aware of. Occasionally they wear something different, which triggers my asthma. I remove myself to a different office for the rest of the day without saying anything to them, although they usually are aware and won't wear it again.

I wouldn't dream of saying anything to them as it is my issue and not theirs. He needs to adjust his working conditions so he doesn't come into contact with your employees, not expecting them to not use deodorant and perfume, let alone telling them they can't use certain washing powder.

Oh and Dr said nothing that could be done except ask school to inform all classmates not to spray any sprays in school and take antihistamines if exposed. They recommended avoiding if at all possible.

Its pretty awful if you both sniff the poor woman.

I don’t think it’s reasonable that your husband gets to dictate what hygiene products and washing products your employees use.
Yes this. He needs to figure out to manage this issue himself. Maybe he needs antihistamines or to work somewhere else.

What is a perfume "sensitivity"? Does it give him a headache?

@TW2013 where did op say anything about an allergy?

What are the actual effects on him of the sensitivity? Does it make him unwell? Is it dangerous? Or does he just find it unpleasant to smell?

Either way, I think he is BU and your employee is right.

Well tbh she's right to put a grievance in for bullying because he's been quite obviously a bully. If there were a legitimate reason for not applying scents and sprays in the workplace like athsma then, sure. But you can't dictate what she uses before or after work and your husband needs to get a grip because people wear deodorant and perfume absolutely everywhere. If it doesn't bother him in other places then you know you need to take action against him.

Your DH is perfectly reasonable imo. What is wrong with people? In a previous role no one in our large department was allowed to bring peanuts or related products as it might kill someone - is that what your employee wants to do? My DH has the same perfume allergy - people just don’t get how dangerous it is!